Hormones are to blame for so many things. Even when you’re not pregnant they affect your mood (particularly at certain times of the month). But when you are pregnant, quite frankly they rule the roost. Hormones are to blame for many of the delightful pregnancy symptoms. From the obvious, and understandable, loosening of joints to make room for the baby, to the less understandable or reasonable symptoms, such as more spots on your face (why, anybody?) or my current favourite which is the permanently bunged nose feeling and frequent mini nosebleeds. I know it’s all to do with blood vessels and increasing blood flow to the baby, but honestly, it’s driving me a bit bonkers!
These are of course by no means the worst of it though, as the worst thing about hormones has got to be the way that they affect your mood. The way they can turn you from a perfectly rational human being, into some kind of crazy person who flies off the handle one second, laughs hysterically the next and then starts bawling for basically no reason. All the while the tiny rational voice in your brain is aware of what is happening and how bonkers you look and sound, but is absolutely powerless to stop it.
Hormones are massively affecting me at the moment. I know I am in my 2nd trimester now and by all accounts things should be getting easier, and in many ways they are, but the hormones look likely to be my companions for at least a little longer. I have spent so much time lately feeling really down and miserable that I actually started to worry if I had ante-natal depression. I would wake up in the morning with a dark cloud over me that would be there all day.
I have been irritable, downright exhausted and crying for literally completely unknown reasons. There have been days that I have just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. A friend I saw last week even asked me if I was ok, with a genuine note of concern as she said I really hadn’t seemed like myself for a while. And I haven’t. EVen having a conversation with a friend has felt like a bit too much effort at times, and in many ways I haven’t known what to say, as I don’t want to be moaning, particularly when I don’t really have anything to moan about!
Because, why I have I been feeling like this? I literally don’t know! I am not unhappy about having another baby. Our little Monkey is being a real cutie pie, hubby is being lovely, as are friends and family. The house is a bit more untidy lately as I don’t have the energy to keep on top of it, but that’s not enough to induce this much misery. So I was starting to get concerned about it myself. Then something happened to remind me that I am just being ruled by my hormones.
I woke up this morning feeling fine. Better than fine in fact, I actually feel pretty chipper! This is particularly odd today in that today is normally a day that would have me feeling a bit low, even without the pregnancy. Because
a) Monkey woke up with a cold so is a bit cranky and not quite himself
b) My friend had to cancel our plans today for a Drs appt. Not that I would be mad or upset with her, it’s far more important than our play date at the park! But cancelled plans and a day with not much planned has, in the past, been known to make me a bit moody! Monkey is older so it’s not as bad as it used, to be, and it’s a gorgeous day so we can play in the garden, but still this would ordinarily invoke some negativity from me!
c) Hubby is out tonight. The whole night. He is going out straight from work and won’t be back till late. So no help at teatime, bedtime, anything.
In particular c combined with a, should be enough to reduce me to misery, let alone when combined with b, meaning that it is just Monkey and I for basically 24 hours! So why not today? Why after feeling so miserable for so long, does a day that on average is worse than others, actually feel much better, much happier? Oh, who knows! I can only assume the hormones are well and truly in charge!
Hopefully this happier phase will last longer than today, and who knows, maybe it will last for at least the rest of the trimester?? For a control freak like me, accepting that I am not running the show, even in my own brain, is pretty frustrating! So, much as I am happy to be pregnant and having another baby, I will very much look forward to the day when I am no longer pregnant, and that hormones only take over my brain once a month, rather than being my constant companion!
Did you feel hormonal when you were pregnant? Did it drive you completely and utterly bonkers?
My word of the week this week is Hormonal