I am 22 weeks pregnant and the bump is a-growing! I think it is definitely more bump than plump now, finally, thank goodness! I am also feeling lots and lots of lovely kicks, so our little girl is very much making her presence her known. The downside is that as my bump grows, my SPD seems to be getting a bit worse :(.
I made a conscious decision that my word for this week was going to be positive. Normally, I see how the week goes and think about the best word to fit. This week however I decided in advance that my word this week was going to be “Positive”.
Because, at the end of last week I was feeling decidedly negative. I made the decision to apply to be a Butlins Ambassador, and while I would absolutely love the opportunity, part of me actually feels like I wish I hadn’t gone for it. Why? because they wanted to know all of my blogger stats. Page views, followers etc. In general I try not to think too much about these kinds of things, mainly because whenever you start comparing yourself to others it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking you aren’t doing as well as them. But to apply I had to provide them with this information and I felt like I was doing well enough or something.
There’s no denying pregnancy is pretty magical, it’s really quite incredible when you think about the fact that you are growing a tiny human being inside your body. Nature is pretty marvellous. But, well, despite what the media likes to portray of pregnancy, being pregnant doesn’t always feel that magical. Most media images of pregnant women show glowing skin, radiant complexions and a lot of the less fun aspects of pregnancy are very much glossed over.
This post will highlight some of those less enjoyable aspects – not because I want to scare anyone or put you off being pregnant. It is magical feeling those kicks and the symptoms really are different for everyone. But I just want to get this post out there for any mummies to be who are feeling less than yummy. Know that you are not alone, and what you are going through is perfectly normal.
Because, for some of us, pregnancy isn’t exactly a bed of roses.
The only word I can think up to sum up this week is “baby!” Because, since our scan on Tuesday, the fact that we are having another baby has suddenly become more real. Whether it is because we know “it” is in fact a “she,” or because we know that she is growing well in there I’m not sure, but she has now become a reality.
It’s suddenly dawned on me that we are in no way ready for another baby! I know we have a while to go yet and so I am not overly stressed or panicky, but I am suddenly feeling that we aren’t ready, and I so hate being unprepared for things. Complete control freak! I know I’ve been thinking about things like whether to get a new buggy, but that’s as far as we’ve got, thinking. My lovely physio (who is also pregnant, and due a week or 2 before I am) was asking me last week if we had everything and if we were ready, and I was so blasé and said we were pretty sorted, when we really aren’t!
Yep, this week, the word that best sums up my week, is Clumsy.
The week actually started off pretty well, we headed home from holiday and were feeling refreshed and invigorated. I have definitely had more energy this week which I am really enjoying! The only blight on the early part of the week was a lingering headache that turned out to be a sinus infection (joy!) so I have been on antibiotics since Monday.
Anyway, we had a lovely weekend, and did lots of things in the garden (more to come on that in a later post ;)). We had a lovely roast dinner on Sunday with hubby’s parents and then Monkey very much enjoyed spending time with his other grandparents on Monday.
Then the clumsiness hit.
At 19 weeks I am now well into the 2nd trimester and I am actually enjoying it (which is a nice surprise as I didn’t enjoy any of my first pregnancy!). I am managing my SPD problems ok at the moment and though I am still tired at times, the overwhelming exhaustion of the 1st trimester has faded away nicely. The bump is also growing now, although (and hubby is getting really fed up of me saying this) I still feel like I look more plump than bump! (I have stolen that phrase from the fab Ghostwriter mummy as I love it) I just don’t think I look pregnant to the casual observer!
It varies day to day and also from outfit to outfit. When I look down at my tummy – it looks huge to me and then I am surprised when I catch my reflection and see that it is barely there really. Anyone else get that? Different perspectives I know but my tummy feels massive to me!
Sadly the bank holiday weekend just gone has not been a very fun one for us! It’s a tale of two halves so I will start, surprisingly enough, at the beginning, and then the rest will follow in a subsequent post.
Being ill is never fun at the best of times, but I have to say, being ill when you are pregnant seems doubly bad. For a start, you can hardly take any medication when you are pregnant. The only painkiller you’re really allowed is paracetamol, and I can’t be the only person who finds that paracetamol has a limited effect on a stonking headache or if you feel really rough or in pain. It may take the edge off a fever but behind that, it almost feels pointless to me to take it. Everyone is different though, I know.
If you have a cold, you can’t take any decongestants, so that is most cold remedies out of the window, and with nearly everything else you are told to check with your doctor, who invariably recommends you not to take anything if you can avoid it (obviously with exceptions). I understand why, after all, no-one, and I mean NO-ONE wants to test drugs out on pregnant women to see what effects they have on your baby. Understandably no pregnant woman would want that either, but it is really difficult when you are feeling rough and pregnant, and there is basically nothing you can do about it.
The main reason it is harder to be ill when you are pregnant though, is the obvious fact that you are sustaining the life of a growing human being inside you. So while with any illness at any time, you may feel weak or drained, when you are pregnant, this is compounded, as the baby still needs to take all the nutrients they can from you, leaving you with even less. Add to that the dreaded hormones which can make you react to things much worse than normal anyway, as I discovered this weekend…
Friday had been a lovely happy day, in the afternoon my little bro came round to play with Monkey as he does every other Friday after work. I was feeling really tired at this point and a tiny bit nauseous, but, honestly, that’s nothing new with this pregnancy. The 4.30-6pm time is generally a bit rough for me at the moment and I am quite often tired, woozy and occasionally a bit nauseous so I didn’t think too much of it. After my little bro went home I asked hubby to see if he could get out of work a little early as I was really struggling with the thought of cooking the tea. Again, not hugely out of the ordinary as the previous time I had cooked meatballs, I had felt a bit sick, so I assumed it was just all part of the pregnancy fun.
But, well, to cut a long story short, it wasn’t. I started throwing up a couple of hours later. I have suffered in the past (pre- being pregnant with Monkey even, and during my last pregnancy) with acid reflux, which when really bad made me very sick, so initially I thought it may be something like that. Then it got really bad and I was throwing up any tiny sip of water and even if I had nothing the throwing up was approx. every 20-30 mins apart. Then the diarrhea started and by now I knew something was actually wrong. Tummy bug, bad food, no idea, but not just normal.
The next morning we thought I was a bit better and I tried some food. Soon enough though the vomiting started again and as I had nothing left in my system I started vomiting bile, first yellow, then a horrible dark green colour, which smelt bad! Really really sorry if that is too much information, that is the worst I will tell you.
I have had food poisoning once before (many years ago travelling alone in a hostel in Peru, it was not fun) and I know that these things will generally sort themselves out. But there is a big difference in that right now I am pregnant. We are told to not eat certain things as certain bugs can be dangerous for the baby. I have no idea what bug I had but all I did know was that by now I was seriously dehydrated and knew that again that couldn’t be good, but also didn’t really know how/if/when it would be a problem for the baby.
So I called the NHS 111 line and spoke to an out of hours GP, and got an appt with them at the out of hours centre. The Dr I saw was concerned by how dehydrated I was and with the frequency of the vomiting and was worried that if he gave me any anti-sickness medication then it would basically come back up again. The alternative option was a trip to hospital. He called them and they wanted me to go in, potentially to stay overnight.
I was sent to triage on the delivery unit as by now it was Saturday evening, and after being assessed by midwives and a doctor (and listening to my baby’s heartbeat, which was a huge relief!) we were asked what we wanted to do. I could have stayed overnight to be rehydrated and receive anti-sickness medication, or I could get an anti-sickness jab and rush through some fluids to hopefully break the cycle so I could go home. I’d always rather be at home in my own bed so we chose the latter. The important thing really was knowing that the baby was fine and wasn’t going to be harmed by my being ill.
We had a good chat with the midwife who told us that basically if anything, being pregnant just made me feel worse. She said the hormones would probably have made the vomiting worse in the first place, and then because the baby is still getting everything he/she needs, I was being left with even less sustenance to keep myself going. Not very fun but at least the baby wasn’t suffering at all as a result of it.
I had a really painful injection in my bum (never realised how painful jabs into that muscle are before) and a lovely cannula on my wrist for the IV and then started receiving the fluids, which made me freezing cold! Particularly in my arm, brrr! Hubby was with me (grandparents looking after Monkey in bed at home by now) and we took the opportunity to talk babies’ names. It was really odd being on the delivery unit as women were coming in with their contractions, we could hear the midwife on the phone reassuring expectant mums, and every now and then we would hear the cry of a newborn. Really quite surreal being there, when I barely even have much of a bump!
Thankfully after a couple of hours, when the bag was empty, I was feeling a lot better, and though I was still dehydrated, I hadn’t thrown up in all that time and had a bit more colour in my cheeks. I was again given the option of staying overnight but wanted to come home and so far I have been a lot better since. It’s taken a couple of days of not really eating very much so I am still really tired and drained. Sitting writing this I don’t feel too bad but I know when I get up to do something I get tired really quickly.
Unfortunately though, the drama of the weekend was not quite over….. to be continued...
Hormones are to blame for so many things. Even when you’re not pregnant they affect your mood (particularly at certain times of the month). But when you are pregnant, quite frankly they rule the roost. Hormones are to blame for many of the delightful pregnancy symptoms. From the obvious, and understandable, loosening of joints to make room for the baby, to the less understandable or reasonable symptoms, such as more spots on your face (why, anybody?) or my current favourite which is the permanently bunged nose feeling and frequent mini nosebleeds. I know it’s all to do with blood vessels and increasing blood flow to the baby, but honestly, it’s driving me a bit bonkers!
These are of course by no means the worst of it though, as the worst thing about hormones has got to be the way that they affect your mood. The way they can turn you from a perfectly rational human being, into some kind of crazy person who flies off the handle one second, laughs hysterically the next and then starts bawling for basically no reason. All the while the tiny rational voice in your brain is aware of what is happening and how bonkers you look and sound, but is absolutely powerless to stop it.
Hormones are massively affecting me at the moment. I know I am in my 2nd trimester now and by all accounts things should be getting easier, and in many ways they are, but the hormones look likely to be my companions for at least a little longer. I have spent so much time lately feeling really down and miserable that I actually started to worry if I had ante-natal depression. I would wake up in the morning with a dark cloud over me that would be there all day.
I have been irritable, downright exhausted and crying for literally completely unknown reasons. There have been days that I have just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. A friend I saw last week even asked me if I was ok, with a genuine note of concern as she said I really hadn’t seemed like myself for a while. And I haven’t. EVen having a conversation with a friend has felt like a bit too much effort at times, and in many ways I haven’t known what to say, as I don’t want to be moaning, particularly when I don’t really have anything to moan about!
Because, why I have I been feeling like this? I literally don’t know! I am not unhappy about having another baby. Our little Monkey is being a real cutie pie, hubby is being lovely, as are friends and family. The house is a bit more untidy lately as I don’t have the energy to keep on top of it, but that’s not enough to induce this much misery. So I was starting to get concerned about it myself. Then something happened to remind me that I am just being ruled by my hormones.
I woke up this morning feeling fine. Better than fine in fact, I actually feel pretty chipper! This is particularly odd today in that today is normally a day that would have me feeling a bit low, even without the pregnancy. Because
a) Monkey woke up with a cold so is a bit cranky and not quite himself
b) My friend had to cancel our plans today for a Drs appt. Not that I would be mad or upset with her, it’s far more important than our play date at the park! But cancelled plans and a day with not much planned has, in the past, been known to make me a bit moody! Monkey is older so it’s not as bad as it used, to be, and it’s a gorgeous day so we can play in the garden, but still this would ordinarily invoke some negativity from me!
c) Hubby is out tonight. The whole night. He is going out straight from work and won’t be back till late. So no help at teatime, bedtime, anything.
In particular c combined with a, should be enough to reduce me to misery, let alone when combined with b, meaning that it is just Monkey and I for basically 24 hours! So why not today? Why after feeling so miserable for so long, does a day that on average is worse than others, actually feel much better, much happier? Oh, who knows! I can only assume the hormones are well and truly in charge!
Hopefully this happier phase will last longer than today, and who knows, maybe it will last for at least the rest of the trimester?? For a control freak like me, accepting that I am not running the show, even in my own brain, is pretty frustrating! So, much as I am happy to be pregnant and having another baby, I will very much look forward to the day when I am no longer pregnant, and that hormones only take over my brain once a month, rather than being my constant companion!
Did you feel hormonal when you were pregnant? Did it drive you completely and utterly bonkers?
My word of the week this week is Hormonal 🙂
I don’t like surprises. I’m rubbish with them. There’s generally too much pressure and I don’t know how to react to them. My hen do was a classic example of this as my lovely bridesmaids put in a lot of effort to organise some really thoughtful surprises. I really appreciated their efforts, but honestly? I kind of wish they hadn’t. I felt excluded at times as there was so much whispering and giggling behind closed doors, and the rest of the time I felt under a lot of pressure, with all the comments of “I can’t wait to see how you react” & “I think you’re going to cry.” It sadly turned some lovely, fun, thoughtful things into a bit of a stressfest for me and I then felt I had disappointed them by not reacting the way they wanted.
I may have mentioned this once or twice before, but I’m a planner, and ok, I admit, a bit of a control freak. I like to know what I am doing and what is going on. That makes me happy. I can be a bit spontaneous at times and of course the odd little surprise of something like hubby coming home from work a little early is lovely. But big surprises, surprises that aren’t really surprises because you know they are coming but you just don’t know what the surprise itself is? Nope, I don’t like them. Maybe the fact that I am impatient doesn’t help either – I literally hate the suspense!
This is one of the many many reasons why we won’t be waiting for a surprise to see whether we are having a girl or a boy for the next baby. I understand that for many people the surprise is incredible, and a wonderful moment, and I’m not saying they’re wrong and that everyone should find out, this is purely about my personal choice. Because I don’t like surprises at the best of times, waiting for a surprise at that point in time, when there is already so much else to worry about (is the baby ok, am I ok) just feels too much for me.
The other main reason though that we will be finding out at the 20 week scan, is that I don’t like calling the baby ‘it.’ I understand you can name your bump, and I also know that gender isn’t everything that defines a personality, but somehow, calling the baby “he” or “she” rather than “it” makes it more real for me. It makes the baby a person rather than a thing. You know how it is, we anthropomorphise everything – we give human traits to animals, appliances and inanimate objects. It’s what we do! (come on, tell me you’ve never described a washing machine or car as temperamental, or assigned them a gender?) So it feels natural to me to refer to the baby, which is a human, as a human (he or she) rather than ‘it.’
He? She? It?
Monkey was Monkey before he was born. We had loved his name since before we were pregnant but held back in case, as some people say, we saw the baby and the name just didn’t fit. So we weren’t shouting his name from the rooftops, but privately we referred to him by his name. And we loved it. He was a wriggle bum then and stubborn as he wouldn’t turn (we didn’t know at the time it was because he physically couldn’t turn) and we liked giving him personality traits. You could obviously do that without knowing, but for us, we just loved knowing that ‘it’ was a ‘he.’
I know that they can’t always be 100% certain when determining gender via ultrasound, and I’ve read stories about people decorating rooms in pink with names stickered onto the wall, only for it to turn out not to be the little girl they were predicted. Having said that our ultrasound technician was pretty convinced that Monkey was a boy as he told us that Monkey had been playing with his bits for most of the scan, and that for him it was pretty conclusive!
Image courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/
We aren’t pink for girls, blue for boys people, so the baby’s room is probably going to be white and pastel colours, regardless of gender. We may go a little more girly if a girl is predicted but it would be pretty subtle. The baby will also probably wear Monkey’s old clothes, regardless of gender too, so it’s not so much the preparation side of things. Although I guess mentally preparing for a either will be good for me. I honestly don’t mind what we have, of course I like the idea of a girl so we have one of each, but honestly, girls scare me a bit when they get older, and boys are a bit more of a known quantity! So I will honestly be happy either way. It will be nice to prepare mentally for either though, as again, I don’t like surprises!
I just want to know. And, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, I can know. A lot earlier, when I am feeling calm. And honestly, it’s still a bit of a surprise no matter when you find out, isn’t it? This is obviously a massively personal issue and there are two set camps, those who choose to find out, and those who love the surprise. Neither is right or wrong, each to their own is what I say, but these are my reasons.
How about you? Do you like surprises?
