I feel a real need to write this post, to record how I feel for the future. Because at the moment, I feel so incredibly lucky and incredibly grateful for all that we have. I am also an incredibly hormonal pregnant woman today and keep crying so I need to get some feelings out of my head and down on paper.
I know exactly why I feel like this. Some of my closest friends are having really rough times at the moment. I hate, literally hate seeing them suffer and feel so lucky for our simple little life at the moment.
I don’t want to go into too many details but other people’s lives, as it really isn’t fair. One of my friends, my closest friend in fact, is going through such a terrible time with her health. I have mentioned her briefly before and again won’t go into details, but things are really rough for her at the moment. She has now had months of the unknown, of pain, of confusion, of misery and the prospect of possibly worse to come. Through it all she has been so amazing and coped far better than I think I would have, but it really is starting to take it’s toll on her. I want to do something to help her but I feel so powerless to do so.
All I want is to be able to take the pain away, but I can’t. All I can do is be there to support her and help her as much as I can. I wish that felt like enough, but it doesn’t. The treatment she is on at the moment seems to be helping and all we can hope is that it continues to do so, as the treatment options should this not work, are risky and could negatively affect her for the rest of her life. She’s only 25. How do you deal with that? I wish I knew.
Another friend has just found that a close relative has the dreaded C. They are hopeful that things will turn out well but that doesn’t make it any less horrible to experience. I know this because my Mum had something very similar about 7 years ago. Thankfully she came through it ok but the experience was pretty traumatic for everyone and again I wish I could take this away so my friend and her family don’t have to experience it, but again all I can do is support her.
Another friend has been treated like rubbish by her boyfriend and he has just broken her heart for what I hope is the final time. She is an incredible woman and so I know she will find her way through this and move on to better things. I don’t know the guy well, but I really want to go and kick him in the nuts for the way he has treated her, she deserves so much better than this.
Times like this, when bad things happen to good people, make me feel like the world can be so horrible and that life can be senselessly hard. It’s not that I haven’t been through hard times too in the past. There was a couple of years where I remember thinking my life was being scripted for a soap opera. A failed engagement, multiple suicide attempts (not mine) resulting in an eventual suicide. I can’t begin to convey the horror of that time so I won’t try, any attempt to do so would leave me a blubbering wreck. Betrayal by friends, a complete career change as I felt so lost in my life. Oh yes, I have had difficult times. Thankfully those times are well and truly in the past.
My life now could not be more different and I know how lucky I am. I have a husband who I adore, and who amazingly adores me. We have an absolutely wonderful darling little boy who fills my heart with happiness every single day. He drives me bonkers at times too but I couldn’t love him more. We are even more lucky in that we have been blessed enough to get pregnant for a second time, and now we find it is a little girl to join our family. We have an incredibly lovely and supportive family around us who we see really often, and we have some truly amazing friends. I couldn’t feel more grateful than I do.
Life isn’t perfect of course, as perfect doesn’t exist. I have my pelvis problems, hubby has a bad back and a stressful job which can join forces to cause him lots of pain sometimes. We have family members battling or living with health problems and other personal issues. But, on the whole, and through this we remain a pretty happy bunch and Monkey is so lucky to grow up surrounded by so much love and happiness. So yes sometimes I moan about my pelvis and about feeling tired, or get down about daft things such as my blog stats (eye roll), let’s face it I am only human. But in comparison to how things could be I am so unbelievably grateful.
I guess what I am getting at is that the pain and upset that my friends are going through are reminding me how hard life can be, and how lucky I am. And yes I do believe it is luck. Yes you can make good things happen in your life by a positive attitude and by working hard to achieve something. But there is huge elements of life that we have absolutely no control over and that seem to me to be luck of the draw.
I worry for my friends and what they are going through right now. I also worry for us, that one day our happy bubble will burst and we will experience dark times. But I try, very hard, not to waste time worrying about things I have no control over. So I will continue to make the most of our happy little life. I will try and support my friends in any way that I can, and hope that there are better times ahead for them, and for all of us.