Our little Monkey is in many ways a typical toddler. He tantrums, he shouts and has meltdowns. He is not a big fan of sharing and thinks everything is “my toy”. He is fussy about food, and well everything. “Don’t like that” & “Don’t want to” are frequent phrases in our house. Along with, of course “No!” even for things I know he wants (eye roll).
But, he also has the sweetest little nature and is so caring. I’ve made no secret of the fact that we have been struggling over the past few weeks. With Little Miss’s colic and reflux we have been really struggling with lack of sleep and just exhaustion. (This has actually, fingers crossed, touch wood, improved a lot this week, phew!) Unfortunately this hasn’t led to the best parenting of Monkey at times. I hold my hands up and admit that I have been a lot snappier with him and have raised my voice a lot more than I would like.
I have cried in front of him and basically just been so exhausted at times I have sat with my head in my hands. Sometimes when she is screaming and he is banging on a drum or just won’t do what I need him to do at that moment (like hold my hand when crossing the road) I get really stressed and snap at him. I seem to have quite a low tolerance for baby screaming, it really makes me irate, you think I would be used to it by now!! Anyway, I try to apologise to Monkey when I have been cross with him over nothing, and if he sees me upset I always try to reassure him so it doesn’t make him anxious or worried. If I have been cross over something more serious I try and have a conversation with him afterwards when I have calmed down (usually around the time Little Miss stops screaming).
His response to my behaviour has actually been really lovely. On the sofa yesterday I was feeling really frustrated and tired, and suddenly there was my 2 yr old snuggling into my shoulder going “awwww.” I said “are you giving mummy a cuddle?” To which he responded “yeah, its nice to see you” (one of his stock phrases at the moment).
Then when Little Miss was waking up for the millionth time when I was hoping she would sleep, I went for a quick wee and he followed me into the toilet. I snapped at him and asked him to go back in the lounge. He said “Don’t be sad” and came in and stood playing at the sink making me smile.
Another time, after a bit of a rant at him about remembering to put his drink back on the table rather than leaving it lying on the floor where it leaks, we had a bit of a cuddle. I apologised for getting cross and calmly told him he needs to be more careful (this comes after a spate of spilled drinks and soaked books, clothes, sofas, etc.). He listened and then he looked at my face and said “feel betyer! (not a spelling mistake, that’s how he pronounces it :)) All happy now!” Because I wasn’t cross anymore. Nothing can make you feel guilty more than an understanding and empathetic 2 year old!! I can’t say the message about not spilling his drinks has sunk in yet though I have seen signs of improvement!.
At times he gets jealous and wants Mummy cuddles and he has been a lot clingier with me over the last few days, but on the whole he is coping so well with it all and amazing me with his maturity at times.
I would like to add that it’s not this stressful 24 hours a day. We are having a lot of fun amongst the exhaustion and chaos. Plus like I say things are looking up, Little Miss is sleeping better (which means so are we) and there is a lot less screaming in general, which means I am less stressed and have more time to spend doing fun things with Monkey.
There are still difficult patches though and I will be glad when Little Miss grows out of this phase, then I can get back to being the grown up and my little man can concentrate on being a cheeky toddler Monkey, rather than worrying whether Mummy is happy or Sad.
He sounds absolutely adorable – enjoy him when he’s clingy 🙂
Lizzie’s Daily Blog
Oh Monkey sounds like he is being adorable at trying to cheer you up. It is really hard when you have a small baby and a toddler – I too get very snappy and irritable at times and every so often, Jessica will come up to me, give me a big cuddle and say “Don’t worry Mummy, I love you.” Which is adorable, but does make me feel guilty too. I have cried in front of the children and sat with my head in my hands too. I have had Jessica turn around to my husband and say sorrowfully “Mummy sad”. It is just that parenting is very hard at times. Now that Sophie is bigger, it is getting easier in many respects. Hope you all start getting some more sleep too – it is amazing what a difference it can make! x
Thank you, I ak so relieved I am not the only mummy finding a second baby hard work. Our oldest children do have to learn a lot about empathy don’t they? Little cuties but oh the guilt! Really looking forward to little miss getting a bit older and it getting a bit easier! Xx
Oh bless him he sounds like such a poppet. And well done you, it’s soooo hard having a toddler and a baby xxx
Thank you, it is soo hard! He is a cutie bless him xx
Monkey sounds like such a wee cutie trying to cheer u up. He also sounds very like my 2 year old, loves to say ‘no’ and ‘don’t want to do that’ and he doesn’t want to share any of his toys, to the extent he has started hitting anyone that comes close to him or his toys. My level of patience has reduced since having my second child, I often have to leave the room and count to ten. Lack of sleep is definitely the problem with us. Xx
It really does sound like we have similar 2 yr olds, and a similar loss of patience that has come with lack of sleep! Parenting can be lively but also such hard work!!
Caroline, I am reading your post and I can relate so much. It sounds just like what I went through when I had Beanie. Crevette was gentle, kind and his little tantrums started shortly after his colicky sister was born. You cannot help the occasional ‘snap’; we all have them. Your little lady should be fine when she is on solids hopefully. Thinking of you loads. #sharewithme
Thank you lovely, good to know I’m not the only one who’s been through this, feels awful wishing the time away but I am so looking forward to her growing up a bit!! Xx
He is adorable Caroline. It’s really difficult for everyone to adapt with a new baby but I feel for you because the colic doesn’t help. I was very fortunate with EJ in that respect as he was a much easier baby than JJ although he still had his moments around about 7pm each day! I used to think the same about myself – that I must have had a particularly low tolerance for screaming baby noise – it made me feel stressed and depressed. Glad to hear that LM is letting you get a bit more sleep though – that always helps! Xxx #sharewithme
Oh thank you Sam, I am so glad to hear I’m not the only one with a low tolerance for screaming, it really stresses me out which makes me feel like a useless mother!xx
Ah, I think it’s so sweet when little ones see we need cuddles, and often when one of mine come up and hug me, it really can change my mood. It is hard, a toddler and a baby, and add in your own tiredness and of course you’ll be less patient and more snappy. Don’t berate yourself over it, it’ll get easier soon xx
You’re right and I guess it is good for them to learn a bit of empathy and it is cute. Just don’t like snapping at him really! Thanks hon, looking forward to that! Xx
Ah, I can relate to this so much Caroline. It is so hard to keep your temper when you’re really stressed and the guilt when you feel afterwards is awful. I’m so glad Little Miss is sleeping a bit more, I hope that trend continues. Hugs xx
#sharewithme
Thanks honey, glad I am not the only one feeling like this! Fingers crossed! Xx
Sounds like my little man. And I thought mine was the only one acting up like that. Lol
they are so cute when they are all emotional though. So adorable. Lovely post.
How lovely! This is something I can really relate to from when my younger two was born – feeling tired and emotional and it was my poor eldest that usually bore the brunt of my moods. It’s amazing they can be so understanding at such a young age.
Good to hear things are starting to improve now.
Thanks for linking to Loud ‘n’ Proud.
He sounds lovely. I must admit when I had a two year old and a baby I did find it hard going for the first six months. The lack of sleep is horrific and I really really did cry a lot. But you know what? Now they are 1 and 3 and they are so happy and love playing together. So it all comes good in the end lovely! x
Thank you lovely that is so what I needed to hear, looking forward to those days for sure 🙂 xx
I’m reading this with a tear in my eye. I haven’t even got a second child and when I’ve just gotten home from work, trying to organise dinner, feed the dog, organise Lucas’s homework, he’ll just say something to me and I can snap. The guilt is horrible. We can learn so much from our kids about forgiveness. Great post hun. Monkey is amazing and you should be so proud xx #sharewithme
Thank you lovely I am so proud of him as he is handling it all so well, much better than I am sometimes! Xx
Lucas says – Monkey, you’re being a perfect lil’ dude. Don’t ever change as you’re being so grown up towards your Mum. She must be so tired. High-5’s to a very cool dude 🙂 #sharewithme
That’s really sweet! I know how you feel too. I sometimes lose my patience with my 4-year-old, and end up snapping at her or like you, raising my voice. I do feel guilty a lot about it, but then again, that’s part of the whole motherhood/parenthood business right? Not that it’s alright to shout at them, but we also have to remind ourselves that we are also humans and not robots! #loudnproud.
Very true, I guess the fact that we feel guilty for shouting is enough, nobody is perfect after all! Xx
It is hard at first with a second, on you and the toddler as they have to learn to share. Gets easier though 🙂 try and enjoy the clingy stage, it won’t last long 😉 #babybabble
I ak definitely looking forward to it getting easier but trying to make the most of clingy and baby days too! X
Bless him, what a little sweetie 🙂 I’m another one with a low tolerance for baby crying – actually it’s more the whining that gets to me – I’m not sure how I’d manage with two xxx
#babybabble
I’m really glad its not just me! It is hard but there are lovely times too, just have to focus on those and Monkey is growing up so much at the mo which is lovely 🙂
You know I can relate to this. So hard not to feel guilty but I think we need to go through this to be able to adjust to the new family set up. It will get easier x x x
I know you’re right and thankfully there is still fun amongst the hard times… But I am looking forward to it getting easier! Xx
Oh goodness, it’s so hard dealing with older siblings when the baby’s yelling his or her head off. I really feel for you. I’m glad to hear there’s a little improvement in the reflux and hope it’s the start of a better phase. It’s so sweet how Monkey tries to cheer you up. You know who he learnt that from? You. All those millions of times you’ve tried (and succeeded) to make him feel better, have taught him to be the lovely caring toddler he so clearly is. Bless him. And well done you! x
Thanks Jess that is such a lovely thing to say, makes me feel so much better, thank you! Xx
It must be so hard with a toddler and baby – I get stressed out with just the baby!
Monkey’s cuddles sound awesome. I hope it gets easier for you.
Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx
sorry to hear how exhausted you’ve been – hoping for better sleep for you. Lovely to see those special moments too – that photo at the end is really lovely. #SSAA
This is such a lovely post – sometimes in amongst the madness and challenge of parenting, it’s important to note the times when the little ones are adorable!! Hope Little Miss continues to sleep better and it all gets a little easier 🙂 #SundaysStars
Aaaah he sounds like such a sweetpea!! I love the fact that he comes and gives you a cuddle to cheer you up! One of my favourite things at the mo is the twins coming to give me a kiss. They come close and nudge with their little faces!! They don’t pucker up properly but it’s so charming — I love it!! These sweet little gestures are just beautiful. We need to make the most of them cos I’m not sure big, grown up boys are so generous with their affection!! 🙂 X
Aww they sound adorable too, its so lovely seeing their little displays of affection isn’t it? And I’m sure you’re right, it won’t be like this forever! X
Oh hunny I can so relate you aren’t alone. I felt this very same way when MM was first born. It gets easier and easier and more fun with two I promise. It’s still so early days. I love you are so positive and make the most out of everything. The last photo is priceless. You are such a great mother. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. Happy Holidays! #sharewithme
Thanks lovely, so good to know I am not alone, and that it gets easier, I am looking forward to the fun times 🙂 xx
I know it sounds a bit manic but Monkey (and you) are doing an amazing job. I read a blog post once that said it takes six months for things to start feeling normal, I think I may have already told you this lol. I felt the first three months we just survived, you get set a clock to Little E’s crying! I’m glad it’s getting easier for you #SSAmazingAchievements
aww i feel for you its hard with a toddler and a new born glad to hear its getting better though! x
Aww bless him! He’s a lovely little character!
T and D were 18 months apart and I can remember times when I was just so tired, one would settle and then the other would be awake.
I’m glad it’s getting a bit better for you all, the end picture is lovely.
Thanks for linking up with #SSAmazingAchievements
Oh goodness, it’s like you took the words from my mouth – this is exactly how I’m feeling about Carson at the moment too. Glad to hear that things are *touch wood* improving! Long may it continue hey! xx #babybabble
Your little monkey sounds gorgeous. It must be really tough looking after a toddler and a new born. It sounds like you and monkey are doing amazingly well. I think it is so cute that he tries to make you feel better. Bless him. Thanks so much for linking up with last week’s #SundaysStars. I’m sorry it has taken so long to comment on such a fabulous post. Hugs Mrs H xxxx