Regular readers will know that I didn’t have the best week last week… by a long shot. I was feeling lower than I have felt in a long time and couldn’t see what my next step should be I felt I was sinking fast but a bit of a breakdown including much crying, and a very cathartic blog post… and I feel much better.
Friday was a pivotal moment. I got so angry with Monkey about not eating his lunch and really flew off the handle, which just isn’t like me at all. Hubs came home in the midst of this and took Monkey to playgroup, at which point I sat and sobbed as I felt awful. I didn’t like my behaviour at all and I think I knew I couldn’t allow myself to be like that all of the time.
I think it was a bit of a shock for hubs too seeing just how upset and angry I was and he really realised how much I have been struggling recently. Since then my mood has gradually improved and all I can say is that I don’t feel the same. I feel lighter and much more positive.
I have to give a huge thank you at this point to all of you wonderfully supportive readers out there. You have to take a lot of credit for helping me put things in perspective. I am so so grateful for the support of the blogging community and I don’t know where I would be without my blog. The tips, advice and just moral support I received from everyone has buoyed my confidence and helped me move on from the hole I was in.
So this weekend has been all about making some positive changes. Hubs has really helped and because I am feeling more positive I felt more able to just get on and do some jobs, rather than just sinking under the amount of them. We got a new steam cleaner which I love and it definitely made the clean up operation fun as I got to give it a really good go (yep I am that sad!) I will be writing a bit more of a review of that at some point over the next few weeks.
We are now making sure we do any cleaning and tidying that need doing that evening rather than leaving them to the next day, and we are implementing a Saturday date night. Basically meaning that on Saturdays we will feed the kids at a normal time, but rather than eating with them like we do every other day, we will have our meal once they are in bed. So that we can take our time (rather than woofing it down or trying to deal with them at the same time) and have a nice conversation face to face. Saturday night was lovely and we got to talk about some bits and bobs and make some plans, which was lovely.
With no real plans for the weekend we also made sure we made some time for fun. We spent some time in the garden with Monkey and Sunday morning I spent five minutes making the most basic rocket ship ever and then watched with glee while he ran around the garden playing with it. Five minutes meant he was happy and hubs and I were able to carry on with some jobs. I need to remember sometimes that I don’t have to come up with grand activities with Monkey, I just need to spend a little bit of time with him and sometimes set him up with something and then sit back and watch the fun!
LM has been a lot better too, for a variety of reasons. She has medicine for her reflux which is definitely helping her, we have been doing a bit better with the baby-led style weaning (I will write more on that in a separate post but HUGE thanks to everyone who commented on my last post with tips and advice on that score too!), and, the biggy, she is suddenly a lot more stable when sitting up. Which means she is quite content to sit playing at times, so I don’t have to give her quite so much attention, but can give Monkey a bit more. Like this morning, she was happily playing sat on the sofa while Monkey and I made a train track and played trains together :).
I am sure there will be more difficult days to come but I do feel like we have taken some steps in the right direction. Plus I am a very lucky lady as I have been invited to a PR launch of some new changing bags in London. It’s mid-week so normally wouldn’t be able to make it, but hubs has offered to have the kids for the day so that I can have a bit of a day off and have some me-time, which is very exciting! I will of course be letting ou know how I get on with that 🙂
You are sounding much more positive, and these steps sound great. Just feeling you’re taking a bit of control back can be good. Glad the BLW is going well, too xx
Ah! So great to read that things are on the up again hon. I remember when I was in the first few weeks with JJ and felt like I was drowning under chores that weren’t getting done and saying to the health visitor as an example that I couldn’t hoover because the hoover was broken and she said – just get your husband to buy a new one and it occurred to me that I was spending too much time stressing when a few simple steps were all that was needed. I think the sunshine and being able to get the kids outdoors helps too. I’d love to have the opportunity to go to a blogger event again but it definitely takes cooperation with the childcare. Xx
Lovely to hear that things have taken a positive turn hon, it’s so grinding when it feels like it’s all coming on top – but we’ve all been there, and I’m pleased the blogging community have been supportive (they have been for me many a time)!
Love the sound of the steam cleaner, and I know what you mean about starting the day with a tidy house. Makes a lot of difference! Monkey seems happier too which is fab. And how great that you will be able to make the launch. Have fun honey, you’ve earned a day off xxx
Glad you are feeling better. I defiantly have days like this too, its so important to make time to re-charge our batteries so we can be on top form for the little ones and the challenges they bring. Hope you enjoy the launch what a great opportunity for some ‘me time’ cant wait to read all about it 🙂 #AllAboutYou
Sometimes some good old me time works wonders doesn’t it? Hope it’s a great day out and glad you’re feeling more positive. We have an old version of that vax and we love it! So quick and great on floors.
So happy you are feeling better. I had a bit of meltdown on sunday which required a pep talk from my hubby. Since then I have felt much better. Granted it is only wednesday but I have felt lighter and at ease, just taking each day as it comes. Enjoy your day off and love the saturday date night idea, must try and do something similar myself. #sharewithme
Wow! It’s like you are writing my last year, I’m so sorry that you have been going through all of this. I didn’t see your last post. I’m so glad you had so much positivity and encouragement. I struggled for a LONG time before I could admit to anyone. We got an aupair and it really helped but also highlighted for me that I needed medical help, I was obviously postnatal and had been trying my hardest to carry on regardless. I felt much better when I finally admitted ‘arrgh I need help’ – so much lighter, like you say. I really hope you go from strength to strength. Sounds like you’re putting some great things in place. I wish I lived near you and could babysit for your Saturday’s. Would be great if you guys could try and escape out of the house at least once a month (she says, having achieved this once in three years even with an aupair haha) xxx great post, happy you’re doing better. Thanks for sharing #sharewithme
SO glad to hear things are looking more positive for you! Glad you’ve got the reflux under control a bit and finding more time to enjoy life as a family 🙂 xx #bestandworst
I just read this post and the one before and my heart goes out to you! I totally understand where you’re coming from – it’s just such hard working being a mum to two, isn’t it! Mine are 4 and 2 and I can honestly say that it is starting to get easier, though still has major challenges (we’ve taken the two year old’s cot sides off… so far that’s looking like BIG mistake!)
I’m so glad you’re getting to have a day to yourself – i think it is so important, and I hope you have a wonderful day x
Forgot to add #bestandworst x
So glad that you are feeling more positive and feel like you are making steps in the right direction. I love the sound of your regular Saturday night date night, what a good idea. That steam cleaner sounds fab – think I might have to get myself one of those too! Hope you have a fab time at the PR launch and enjoy having some time for yourself for the day.
Glad you’re feeling better and more positive! Sounds like the weekend perked you up a lot.
On a side note: wow, how exciting with the steam cleaner….I’m not jealous at all 😉 #bestandworst
Glad to hear that things are improving. Little by little things will be better. Sending you more hugs! #sharewithme
It is so nice to see things changing for the better. That trip to the docs must have helped with LM and glad she is happier. I think sometimes you have to have a bit of a meltdown to know things need to change. Date night is a fab idea. We do that too on a Saturday when we are not away and it’s great. I think a steam cleaner may be on the wish list too! Our kitchen floor can be a disgrace! Thanks for linking up to #bestandworst and hope to see you next week 🙂 x
Glad to hear things are improving for you. #bestandworst
Love a Saturday date night even if it just means a nice dinner, film and some wine. I have a steamer too and just looveee it, makes me feel like I’ve really cleaned the floor and believe me my floor can be mank at times, as is with toddlers eh!
Thanks so much for linking up with the first best and worst linky and hope to see you again next week!
Helen – #bestandworst
Great post fantastic honesty about how it’s been for you great courage to write it down so glad you are more positive now
I’m so glad you’re feeling more positive this week. Keeping up with jobs and not letting the pile up around me (sort of quite literally) is something I need to address. A tidy space makes for a happy soul, i’m sure of it! It must be a little welcome break for LM to be able to contently occupy herself so you can have a bit more freedom with Monkey! 🙂 Ray xx #allaboutyou
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Oh bless you hunny. It’s not easy at the best of times and hard at the worse. We have all been there. I have been flying off the handle a little too much too lately. I think we just try to do way too much all in one day and it gets our patience levels completely down. Life is busy with baby and toddlers I know. It’s tough somedays glad to see you are relaxing and starting date night too. We love eating once a week after the kids have gone to bed in peace. lol Great idea. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. Hope to see you again tomorrow. #sharewithme
Ah, I feel for you. I have been there so many times, I do know what it’s like. I think it’s great that you have lots of online support and hopefully actual support too. I often fly off the handle then spend ages feeling terribly guilty. I think if experience has taught me anything it’s that you mustn’t judge yourself (I am my own worst critic), you must seek support and help when necessary (before?) and that if you worry about it, it shows you care. Parenting is tough, things change daily, you’re doing a great job 🙂 x. I have just discovered your blog and will keep reading.