My boy and my worries

Before having children I don’t think you can ever quite comprehend just how much you will love them, or how much you will worry about them! My boy. He’s such a lovely boy, he’s so kind and caring. He’s like a sponge and is learning so much at school, his reading, writing and maths are brilliant for his age. He is so good so much of the time and I know we are very lucky with him. 20170228_201952

He has his moments of course, he doesn’t always want to eat his dinner, but we can usually get him to eat these days thankfully. There’s the usual stuff, arguments about getting in the bath, about getting out of the bath, going to the toilet before we go out, etc.

They don’t worry me… But other things do. I know we are so so lucky with his behaviour and he’s lovely… But he can be hard work in other ways. I sometimes describe him as being very linear, which isn’t really fair as he is empathic and thoughtful and I don’t believe he is on an autism or aspergers spectrum (any more than we all are I suppose). But he has his ways for things. He’s grown out of a lot of it but one example is his swimming and getting water in his face.

Learning to swim is hugely important in my mind, and hubs.’ because of that we took Monkey to swimming lessons fairly young, and carried on with them for a long time, even though it was actually a bit of a nightmare. He screamed the whole session and clung to his daddy. Hubs started to dread Saturday mornings because of the misery it caused both of them.

I’ve written lots about our swimming journey since then and he is much better than he was. As long as the water is warm he isn’t too bad, and by taking things slowly with him we have got to a point where he will swim now with armbands on. I am proud of what we have achieved with him.. But then I see other kids his age or younger who are swimming without any floats or swimming aids, and I know all kids do thing at their own pace, but that doesn’t stop me worrying. Are we ever going to be able to get him confident enough to swim unaided, let alone underwater? Is he going to be behind the other kids at school when they start swimming in a couple of years? Are we failing him by not paying for 1 on 1 swimming lessons? Would he drown if he fell in the water? (not sure when that would happen but I can’t help but imagine the worst case scenario.)

It doesn’t help that he is such a tall boy for his age (at 4 he’s wearing age 7 clothes) . I see people looking at him with his armbands on and I try not to worry about the judgement of others, but it does affect me and I want to justify it, to justify him.

It’s not just his swimming that worries me of course but lots of little things. He can be very clingy, he likes to stay firmly in his comfort zone and doesn’t like trying new things at all. We try to encourage him as much as possible and get there with small things these days like trying new foods (a huge step if you knew what a fussy eater he was) but with other things he is too stubborn for us to win round. I know that all of this is probably just who he is, and I feel guilty for trying to change him, and I wouldn’t want to push him to do something he really doesn’t want to do. But what if we push him to do something he turns out to love? What if we don’t and he never finds it?

I guess it’s the eternal parenting question… Am I doing the right things for my child? Am I being a good parent? The answer is that I still have no idea what I am doing most of the time.

So, I worry. Then I convince myself that he is fine and I’m being daft and he will do things in his own time. Then something else pops up, or someone asks if Monkey does any clubs outside of school and I remember the dance class fiasco. Where he was fine when he was dancing with one of us, but when he had to move up to the next stage and go on his own, and he spent the entire 30 mins crying, every week and the teachers basically ignored him the whole time. Then I worry what he will be like at a different group and if I am a worse parent if I let him not do these things or if I make him go to things.

I’m sorry to anyone still reading, I know this post isn’t really anything more than a jumble of thoughts. I don’t have much of a point, other than that I have no idea what is for the best. This boy of mine is not a straightforward easy to please child, and I’m sure that is a good thing. His stubbornness and intelligence will probably stand him in good stead for the future. But his unwillingness to try something new, and the way he gives up on things so quickly without really trying, won’t, so, I worry. About his entire life, even though he’s only 4. Am I the only daft parent who over thinks and over worries about their children?

Answers on a postcard, please, (or, you know, in the comments below) they are very welcome!

16 thoughts on “My boy and my worries

  1. You are certainly not alone, I worry about all sorts and I am sure you are doing the best that you can do. We all parent differently and worrying about things just shows how much you care and want to do the best for Monkey. Try not to worry so much and enjoy your beautiful clever boy. P.s My eldest is 7 and can not swim unaided yet! X

    • Thanks lovely, glad I am not the only one to worry, sometimes it feels like everyone else has got it together more than I have haha! 🙂

  2. I’m pretty sure we all worry where our kids are concerned. Sounds to me like he’s doing well, you’re right to be so proud. Don’t worry about what other kids are doing as they all learn at different rates, socially as much as academically, yet it levels out when they’re older. And if it makes you feel better, my 4 year old hasn’t even started swimming lessons yet, so you’re way ahead! You’re doing a wonderful job xx

  3. I hear you. I too worry about Boo but I also think it is a first child worry and we won’t worry as much with their siblings. I honestly feel, rightly or wrongly that first children are the trial run.
    Despite where we live, boo hates horses. She is frightened of them and I have tried everything but I have come to accept that it is just how she is and maybe that is how monkey is with swimming. Like you said, they all do things at their own pace.
    You are going a brilliant job and I like To look at the wider picture. Look at your gorgeous, kind, clever little boy. He is a joy.
    Please try not to worry xx

    • Thanks lovely, always nice to hear I’m not alone in my worries. Bless boo and her fear of horses, I think it’s hard when you struggle to understand their reasons for things, but maybe it’s like you say and there is no reason, it’s just the way they are! Xxx

  4. I certainly worry more for my eldest (a boy) than the other 2. He is so much more sensitive, not at all sporty, shy and considerate. I worry for him when he gets to his teenage years as they were so unhappy for me and I think he will be the same unless he finds some close friends who will support and protect him from some of the nastier bits of growing up. My daughter is confident, carefree and afraid of nothing. My youngest is too young but seems more like his sister so far #bestandworst

    • He sounds similar to my Monkey and I have those worries too! You just want the best for them don’t you? So hard! Thanks for moment img and letting me know I’m not alone! Xx

  5. Oh gosh, our boys really are alike in more than nicknames aren’t they. I don’t have the answers, I often think I’m failing my son somewhere along the line and I guess one day he’ll decide if that’s really true or not. We do our best. I had to take him out of swimming lessons when he hated stage 2 so much. He loves going with me, but doesn’t swim ‘properly’ Have you tried a woggle (the long foam things) rather than armbands? Worded much better here. Every week my son tells me he doesn’t want to go to Beavers, and every week he’s loved it when I pick him up. Stick with it xx

    • Thanks Mary, I really think they are very similar! It can be so hard can’t it? But like you say we try our best and that’s all we can do. We’ve tried with a wiggle but so far can’t get him to remove the safety net of his armbands but will keep trying! Thanks lovely xxx

  6. Alfie is so similar to this, sounds like we have 2 very much alike boys! It is so hard though isn’t it and I often question myself. You are doing great though 🙂 #bestandworst

  7. I don’t think I have stopped worrying for coming up seven years. It really increased when our little lady arrived too. I try to go with we need to at least try, well I do for my son. Little lady on the other hand she is a completely different person and I find that I actually want to put things off with her. I think sometimes a little push is good but I never forget the one ballet class my mum took me to when I was five and I hated every minute. We didn’t return. All I want to know is that I gave my children a happy and I will be content.

    Thanks for linking up with Small Steps Amazing Achievements

  8. My eldest will be 13 in August, I *think* he could probably swim without armbands but he won’t go in the water without them. My daughter is 9 and still uses floats. We only swim on holiday as both schools no longer do swimming lessons. Your son will learn at his own pace, other people can mind their own business and in the environment of a school lesson he may well come on in leaps and bounds. He’s only four 🙂 None of us really know what we are doing, but if he’s happy and healthy then you are doing fine! x

  9. Pingback: Small Steps Amazing Achievements – 8/3/17 « AutismMumma

  10. I think as a parent, when you stop worrying about one thing, you start worrying about something else. Swimming is one of my biggest worries at the moment too. I need to crack on and book swimming lessons for my twins.
    Popping over from #ssamazingachievements

  11. You know, you could’ve been describing my boy in places and I don’t think there’s anything to worry about you’re just saying it as you see it.
    I know what you mean about being tall and people looking at your child and expecting more. But that’s the expectations of others, and your boy is loving and wants cuddles (ok, in your words clingy!!) but that’s ok.
    I have a boy and a girl and I’d say that so far (my boy is 5yo) raising my boy is a bit like looking after a puppy – he needs lots of praise, lots of love and regular exercise in return I get lots of cuddles!
    You’re just expressing what so many of us parents of boys feel. We all worry, just because we care!
    #SSAmazing achievements

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