Pfffff. Deflated is how I feel right now, been a really tricky couple of weeks. Monkey is going through a reeeally fussy patch and is so grumpy these days. He is getting so frustrated with things so easily and we have definitely got the start of tantrums when he doesn’t get his own way, or when mummy has to leave his side for a few mins! I get that this is really just to do with his age and I guess what’s making it worse is the fact that I am so shattered at the moment.

The reason that I am so shattered is that my hubby isn’t very well. It’s nothing serious or life threatening but his IBS is causing him a lot of pain at the moment and he is having to spend quite a bit of time in the loo, in a lot of pain, poor thing. I feel awful for him and he’s trying to carry on, but he just can’t. He’s working through it but when he is at home he’s tired and in pain. Which means he can’t help me as much as usual with Monkey.

I’ve always been a bit in awe of single mums and I know that when you have to cope, you just do because there is no alternative but I can’t imagine doing this on my own. One of my closest friends is a single mum and I know she struggles but I’m so in awe of her too as she really does an amazing job. The last week or so has given a bit more of an insight into what it could be like as from 6.30am when monkey wakes up, till he goes to bed at 7.15pm it’s pretty much just me at the mo. Like I say, hubby is trying to keep doing his usual pre-bedtime bathy and helping with the bedtime routine, but he can’t bend down or move around as quickly as monkey wants.

And the honest truth, I am really struggling with it. I really rely on hubby’s help first thing in the morning and when he gets in from work in the evening. For an hour or so at each end of the day I get to do some jobs or sit and read the news or stand in the shower while daddy is in charge. The last week or so I haven’t been able to do this as much and of course I am coping but it is wearing me down. Last weekend was a bad weekend as monkey was poorly too and I don’t physically have enough energy to be sympathetic and caring to both of them so unfortunately daddy has to be on the back burner while I look after monkey.

Monkey has been better this week, no more temperatures or crying through the night but he’s still not right and is so fussy and is dozy in the mornings (which I hate because it messes up our routine and I rely on our routine to get out and about to see people, get jobs done and generally stay sane!) and generally just keeping me on my toes! We have the bank holiday weekend this weekend and normally I would be jumping for joy as I have hubby for three whole days to help with Monkey and house chores and just lovely to have family time. But this week I am not looking forward to it at all because I’m worried that hubby is going to be poorly again, and I’m already low and again I’ll cope, but I won’t enjoy it.

I feel so selfish too as he’s the one who is poorly and he’s the one in pain, and of course I want him to get better so he isn’t in pain anymore, but I mainly want him to get better so he can help me! He went to the doctors yesterday and I was really hoping they would give him something to help but they basically said to keep taking what he’s taking, do what he’s doing and he’ll get through it. Great. Feel like such a rubbish wife that I am so concerned about myself but I can’t seem to help it. I’m just so tired and worn down, I have a huge mouth ulcer, which is always a sign with me, and a couple of times this week I have slept in the afternoon when Monkey sleeps, so the housework really isn’t getting done!

– I started writing this blog a couple of days ago but didn’t have time to finish it then! The weekend isn’t going as badly as I thought and Monkey is doing a lot better, but Hubby is still quite poorly bless him. Still, he is at least able to help enough that I am catching up on some jobs and we’ve spent some time in the garden enjoying the sunshine which has been lovely. Still shattered but not as low as I was at the start of this post, and after writing down how selfish I felt I have been trying a bit harder to give hubby some tlc. At least now monkey is doing better I have a bit more energy spare for hubby 🙂

Despite the rough patch, and even when I was feeling really low, I’m still happy overall with my decision to be a stay at home mummy. It’s not always easy but then what in life is really? Just got to cope during the down times and enjoy the ups 🙂 Monkey and Hubby are both asleep so I am going to grab my book and a cold drink and have a few mins peace in the garden I think!