The world can be a cruel place sometimes and you just have to read a newspaper on any given day to see so many horrific things happening. From accidents to acts of atrocity. When you think too hard about it, the world does not seem a very safe place. Scary enough when you are on your own, but as a parent, responsible for the lives of children, it can be extra scary. Hubby and I have a theory that because of this, we all live in a semi-permanent state of denial. Everyone does.
Otherwise we would never step foot outside our front door, or we may never even get out of bed. The truth, that our existence is so fragile and that horrible things could happen at any given moment, is just too terifying for our brains to deal with most of the time. So in general, we live our lives in a state of denial. We try to be careful, but how many of us have done things or allowed our children to do things, that in hindsight could be seen as less than sensible? I know I have. Especially in my younger days when I was travelling, I put myself in what now seem to be obviously dangerous situations, but at the time, just seemed harmless fun.
It may just be me, but sometimes, when driving down a motorway or over a bridge, I suddenly become aware how one wrong move, just a sharp turn of the wheel for example, could lead to a horrific accident. Or if one of the other road users did something like that, how it could be the end of me. When you think about it too much, it can seem amazing that there aren’t more accidents, that we have survived this long. Because even everyday activities carry hazards and dangers that for the most part we all blissfully ignore.
And of course we do. What would be the alternative? A life lived in fear? Never turning on a socket in case you got electrocuted? Never speaking to another human being in case they are a rapist or murderer? Never crossing a road in case you got hit by a bus? What kind of life is that? Of course there is a scale and some people are naturally more wary or superstitious than others, but most of us, live with a veil of denial blurring the edges. We try and be careful and keep our kids safe but we don’t linger too long on the possibilities and the dangers. Because to do so would drive you crazy.
Then every now and then, something happens in your life that briefly lifts that veil. That reminds you how fragile we are, how every day where something horrible doesn’t happen, is a gift. We had an experience like that this weekend. Nothing newsworthy, but something that reminds you that even if you were the most cautious person alive, there would be no guarantee of your safety or survival.
On Saturday evening my husband’s auntie had a stroke. She is in her 60’s, similar age to our parents and not what I would consider “old”. Now I am going to cut to the chase and say there was a happy ending. After a horrible 24 hours or so in limbo with the Drs using the term “if” she wakes up, and with us all trying to prepare ourselves for the worst, she thankfully woke up. She remembers her husband and relatives and can move her arms. Of course she is not out of the woods yet and she has slurred speech, but, she is still here.
But for those 24 hours, that was by no means a certainty. The veil of denial came off and reminded us that you never know what is going to happen. You can be happily living your life, cooking your dinner, and then boom. Something terrible happens. The world as you know it is forever changed. Someone you love is hurt, or worse, gone forever.
I know this is quite a depressing post and I apologise. Believe me I am so relieved that all worked out so well. Hubs and I both slept so well last night, I think because of the emotional exhaustion combined with the relief that things did not turn out so much worse. We have to cling to the positives, that is what keeps us going. So I am going to lower the veil of denial again, move way from the horrible “what ifs” that otherwise would drown me. I am going to remember how lucky we are every day.
