The quote for The Prompt this week is all about happiness

Happiness is anyone and anything at all, that’s loved by you. You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown

I guess it means that the person they are talking about is so wonderful that anyone or anything that is loved by that person can’t help but be happy as a result of that love.

I’ve also learned that this week is Marriage week and with Valentine’s Day coming up (we don’t actually do Valentine’s day, I have nothing against it, it’s just not for us) I wanted to write a post about Love and Marriage, and I felt that the two things actually combined rather well. I will try not to get too soppy though  🙂

Girly fun at Glastonbury 2009

For most of my twenties I had been happily independent, enjoying life and was for the most part single.  But I knew what I wanted long term – which was to have a family, so I kissed a lot of frogs. I mean a LOT of frogs. I tried online dating and all sorts in my quest to meet a decent guy. I was even engaged once when I was younger. But I put up with some serious c**p from boyfriends. There’s been lazy ones, selfish ones, rude ones. I’ve been cheated on and been made to feel pretty worthless. And I put up with it. Why? Because I didn’t really believe in happily ever after, or one true love.

I liked the idea of it but was pretty cynical. I’ve always been one to look for the best in people, to give them the benefit of the doubt and to make the best of a situation. I always assumed that relationships were hard work and that you had to put up with some things (not the cheating or making you feel worthless – I never put up with that for long!) and that you would never get close to perfection in a partner. (I really don’t believe there’s any such thing as perfect in anything in life, but I’ll save that for another post!)

But by the time I met my hubby I was starting to despair somewhat and even called myself Terminally Single. So when my mum broached the idea of a blind date, instead of saying no as I had in the past, I said ‘why not? he can’t be worse than the guys I choose for myself.’ The rest, is history (You can read more about how we got together here if you want 🙂 )

Now? I am a bit of a convert. I am still cynical about a lot of things but I really believe my hubby is as close to being my perfect match as it is possible to get. I also think that we met at the right time and that had we met earlier (before the kissing of many frogs) I wouldn’t have appreciated how wonderful he is.

He is my best friend and he really is my ‘other half’. We very often think (and sometimes even say) the same things. We talk to each other about everything, and believe there’s no problem in our marriage that can’t be helped by talking about it. There’s nothing I can’t say to him, no matter how stupid I fear that it sounds. He’s the one person I know I can be 100% myself with, ho holding things back. In fact we are seriously rubbish at surprising each other as we are pants at keeping secrets from each other and very often give the game away – it’s the thought that counts though hehe.

Having a good old boogie together at my brother’s wedding. We’re both a bit loony I think!

We bicker occasionally but don’t really argue very often. We laugh together a lot. We support each other and the things we want to achieve – independently and together. I couldn’t imagine my life without him, which is a real biggy for someone who prided herself on her independence just a few years ago!

We want the same things out of life and have the same attitudes about a lot of important things, such as saving money and not using credit if we can avoid it. We agree on the way we want to raise our children (the number of children we don’t agree on yet but we will come to a compromise) and the importance of family in our lives.

Early days of parenthood…

No relationship is perfect, and we both have lazy tendencies so sometimes there is a bit of nagging that goes on and as we are both novices at this parenting lark we have disagreements about the day to day stuff, although they rarely last long. How best to get Monkey to sleep, how to get him to eat better, how/when should we introduce discipline. We don’t have all the answers and we don’t always agree but we muddle through and figure it out together. Our marriage is a partnership.

As a stay at home mum it’s sometimes hard to feel equal in that partnership, to feel that I am contributing as much as he is. I was so used to doing everything for myself that to have my hubby work so hard so I can stay at home to raise our Monkey was (and still is) a massive challenge for me. But I have to not focus on that or worry too much. I know, deep down, that both contributions are equal, just different. I try to do lots of little things that make hubby’s life a bit easier (I do some of his business accounts and other bits and bobs) and he does the same for me (like helping with the housework and with monkey so I can have me-time).

I’m very lucky that he recognises that being a SAHM isn’t an easy job and although I often feel like doing all the housework should be my responsibility as I am at home, he doesn’t, and he helps where he can. He NEVER asks the question ‘what have you been doing all day?’ even when he comes home to the house in a state and a dinner out of the freezer. He understands why there is usually a huge pile of washing to sort and why I often put writing this blog before housework in my list of priorities.

We appreciate each other and, fundamentally we are happy.

There’s a scene I love in the Sex and the City film (I am a huge fan!) where Samantha asks Charlotte how often she feels happy in her relationship and she says “Every day. Not all day, every day, but every day.” I love that line and that’s how I feel too. Not every day is amazing (that would be impossible), we have our downs as well as our ups, but there is always something, even if just one thing, every day that makes me happy in our marriage and with our life.

I know I am very lucky and hope I will never take my hubby or our marriage for granted, because I know how hard it was to find him.

At his work Christmas Party in December

Why don’t you join in with The Prompt by Mum Turned Mom? Or share your Marriage post with 3 Children and it.