Sorry, couldn’t resist the title, but yes, it is true, I hate big boobs. I know I am in the minority as stereotypically men prefer them, and I know that many women would prefer their boobs to be larger, but not me! No way Jose! I also partially apologise for the subject matter entirely, as it does feel a bit odd to be so openly talking about my boobs. But there is something about the lack of modesty that comes with pregnancy and childbirth and breastfeeding that leads me to want to write a post about boobs.
Just to clarify, it’s not that I have anything against women with big boobs, I don’t go round looking at big boobs shuddering and hating them, this is just about me, I hate having big boobs.
Being quite pear shaped, when I was younger I guess I wanted bigger boobs as an abstract theory, but actually grew to be happy with the body that I had, smallish boobs and all. I guess it helps that they aren’t really small, I was a 32D, which actually makes them sound bigger than they are! Then I got pregnant, and with me, one of the first things to happen is the expansion of my boobs. It felt like I was in Mothercare every other week to get bras in the next size up! For a while I was buying nursing bras in the hope they may double as bras when breastfeeding, but I soon gave that up as it became evident they showed no signs of slowing down.
This pregnancy has been no different, except that I now have a drawer full of ever larger bras, but worryingly I am already in a 36 E which I think was about as big as I got when I was pregnant last time. God knows where I will end up this time. One thing I have learned this time is that you can wear underwired bras when pregnant. Last time I read so many things about underwiring damaging your milk ducts that I spent months with huge boobs, wearing really unflattering bras that probably didn’t help my feelings towards them! I have found that research has improved in the last few years and that there is in fact no evidence to suggest the underwiring hurts your milk ducts in any way! Hooray! It makes sense to me as if your bra fits properly the wiring shouldn’t be digging in to breast tissue anyway!
My boob expansion doesn’t just end with pregnancy either. When choosing to breastfeed, I knew all about engorgement, but I did not realise quite how mammoth my boobs were going to become – 36G in the end – and I actually bought some of those clasp extenders for the back as I had given up on buying new bras by that point!
I know some women would love this – in fact some of my friends miss their pregnancy/breastfeeding boobs and even consider surgical enhancement to fill what they call the “empty sacks” they were left with. I have nothing against that, if it is what you need to feel better about yourself, then go for it, but it’s not for me. I was happy to go back to small boobs in between pregnancies, because I felt like myself again.
I was happy with my body (ish, I mean who wouldn’t wanted a smaller bum, flatter tum etc) before I got pregnant and pregnancy changes it so much. Then came breastfeeding, and while I was glad I was able to do it (in the end) and will try again next time, there was a certain loss of self associated with it.
It sounds a bit bizarre as if my sense of self was entirely built around my boobs, but for a pear shaped girl the sudden expansion of my chest suddenly made me feel a lot bigger all over. The clothes I wore were different as they had to accommodate them and I guess there is a link with breastfeeding in that I guess they never felt like mine. They were there for a purpose, to feed my little boy, and with engorgement and leaking at set times there was pretty regular reminders about this purpose. Clothing also had to make them fairly accessible, in order to pop them out on demand.
My boobs at about their biggest, when Monkey was 4mths old
Whenever I joke or complain about the size of my boobs already, people say I am lucky or that hubby must be pleased, but no on both counts. I don’t like them, they are heavy and uncomfortable. I now sleep in little crop top bras because they are too heavy not to have any support. Last time they looked so wide and just bleurgh because of the lack of control I was able to use on them.
This time at least I can shape them a bit with underwiring, but even with underwiring, the bras are huge, and hubby says it looks like I’ve had a boob job. And for the record, no he doesn’t love them. He’s slightly intrigued by the fact that they are huge but has told me before that he finds big boobs in general a little scary. Add to that the fact that mine are sore, so no, he is not allowed near them!
Am I the only one who dislikes this particular change so much? I can’t be, surely?