My word of the week this week is operation. It could also have been apprehension as we have been apprehensive, nervous and well a bit scared you know what-less at time about this. While everyone keeps saying he will be fine and while I know they are right and logic tells me they are right, its hard not to worry when it is someone you love so much. There are risks associated with general anaesthetic and while yes most people are fine, I’m afraid I just don’t trust life to be kind and I am not näive or blasé enough to ever think “that won’t happen to us” because I know it could.

I also know there is no point dwelling on the risks and fears either. What will be will be and there is a much higher likelihood that he will be fine so all of that had basically been bottled and we have got on with life and looking after the kiddies while talking in practical terms about the operation.

I’m also nervous about his recovery and what it will mean for our life for a bit. I don’t think it will be terrible, and I think he will be on crutches for a few days and then steadily get back to normal…. But the unknown always makes me nervous. More so than ever now that there are 2 children to think about. When will he be able to be on his knees changing a pooey nappy? When will he be able to carry our girl downstairs? When will he be able to leap up and run to a child that has fallen and bashed themselves and is screaming? This happens more than once a day for both our clumsy children so when can he be in sole care of them again?

I feel so selfish too but although I am far more worried about him and his recovery and how much pain he will be in, I am also nervous for me. How much extra work am I going to have to do while he recovers? We share responsibilities, take it in turns to get up early with LM and both do the household chores. I’m nervous about how long he is going to be out of action for all of those things and, selfishly, how long I am going to have to do everything? I know many Mums cope either as single parents or because they have less helpful husbands, but I have always been very lucky with mine and the sharing of our responsibilities, and am still often shattered! I know in truth I will cope, because you just do in such situations, but I am nervous about it nonetheless.

This is basically just an outpouring of everything I am feeling on the morning of his op. Right now he is getting ready for his taxi to take him to the hospital as we felt that would be less stressful than waking the kids up and dragging them out at 6.45 in the morning!

Update. Hubs’ op went well and they repaired the torn cartilage in his knee (they weren’t sure if they would repair or remove it beforehand) and he is feeling good after the anaesthetic although a bit tired and his knee is definitely painful. The huge dressing is very much limiting his movement and while he is ok to put weight on his knee he is quite slow on his crutches. I was able to pick him up by 1pm which was great and as I write he is in bed hopefully having a snooze. He needs quite a bit of help at the moment and as I said, his knee is really causing him some pain.

We already had a very excited LM try and run to him for a cuddle at the hospital so it is definitely going to be interesting making sure the kids don’t cause him any more pain while he recovers.

As you can probably guess from reading the above, I was a bit of an emotional wreck this morning and the relief when he text to say he was coming round was immense. Yes the next few days and potentially weeks will be a challenge but we will manage of course we will. The apprehension is over and the recovery and getting on with things will now begin, which is why my word of the week is operation, not apprehension.