parenting

The truth about Making a baby smile

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I love seeing our baby girl smile, it lights up my day and makes the difficult patches easier to bear. Honestly look at this gorgeous face!

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So we do whatever we can to bring out thse smiles. We grin, we coo, we gurn repeatedly. I am sure we all do it but behind every one of these smiles, is a whole lot of mummy and daddy looking like eejits. Just as a bit of fun I thought I would share some of the ridiculus faces we pull to bring out a smile 🙂 enjoy!

daft facesYep even Hubs’ grumpy face brings out a smile lol!

And then the fun began...
brummymummyof2

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How Ferber’s “Progressive Wait” approach helped our children sleep better

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Before Monkey was born, whenever any friends were having troubles getting their little ones to sleep and they mentioned leaving them to cry themselves to sleep, I thought it seemed like a pretty sensible idea. Then when Monkey was born, I realised it wasn’t that simple, and the thought of doing it felt really really cruel. With him spending hours each day screaming in pain with his colic, neither hubs or I could bear the thought of leaving him to cry himself to sleep.

Monkey fast asleep - on his daddy not in bed!

Monkey fast asleep – on his daddy not in bed!

So we did what many parents do and helped him to sleep. We rocked and shushed and patted, drove him round in the car, took him out in the buggy and let him suck our fingers. We tried to use a dummy though could never get him to take one! We did anything that worked and our lives and sleep revolved around getting him to sleep and keeping him that way. Honestly? It was exhausting, and miserable. I spent a lot of time crying and feared for my mental health. So after a few months of this we started looking for other ways. We tried “The Baby Whisperer” but didn’t manage with her techniques at all. If anything her pick up/put down technique just seemed to mean that Monkey screamed louder and for longer. Every child is different but at the time we blamed ourselves.

I remember people saying to me “maybe he just isn’t tired” or “maybe he doesn’t need the sleep” if I complained I couldn’t get him to sleep. But to me the answer to that was then why is he miserable? He was clearly tired. I had no problem with a child who was awake and happy to be, my frustration came from comforting a child who was miserable and clearly tired, but who refused to stay asleep!

Although we had initially discounted the possibility of “cry it out” techniques, we eventually got desperate and came across Dr Ferber’s progressive wait method. It seemed a little kinder than what I had thought of as “cry it out”so we decided to look into it more. I wanted to make sure we did it properly, if we were going to do it at all, so I bought his book “Solve your Child’s Sleep Problems“* from amazon and had a read. This book covers children of all ages with problems sleeping, with advice on anything from night terrors to sleep walking. The section we were interested in though is about younger children and helping them sleep better without being rocked, etc. There is far more information than I could hope to convey so if you are having problems, I strongly recommend that you have a read.
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Our Lovely Little Boy

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WP_20141115_11_24_22_ProOur little Monkey is in many ways a typical toddler. He tantrums, he shouts and has meltdowns. He is not a big fan of sharing and thinks everything is “my toy”. He is fussy about food, and well everything. “Don’t like that” & “Don’t want to” are frequent phrases in our house. Along with, of course “No!” even for things I know he wants (eye roll).

But, he also has the sweetest little nature and is so caring. I’ve made no secret of the fact that we have been struggling over the past few weeks. With Little Miss’s colic and reflux we have been really struggling with lack of sleep and just exhaustion. (This has actually, fingers crossed, touch wood, improved a lot this week, phew!) Unfortunately this hasn’t led to the best parenting of Monkey at times. I hold my hands up and admit that I have been a lot snappier with him and have raised my voice a lot more than I would like. Continue reading →

Educational TV for Toddlers

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Guidelines recommend that children under 2 watch no TV at all and toddlers watch no more than 2 hours of TV a day, but how realistic is this really? I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with a bit of telly. I’m not about to dump Monkey in front of the TV all day every day, and to be honest he is so full of energy he would get bored with it anyway. We get out and about a lot, read books, do crafts and all sorts of things, but there are times of the day when the TV is very useful as it keeps him entertained while I get on with some other things. This is especially true since Little Miss arrived!

Am I wrong though? Am I neglecting my child or being a bad mum because he watches a few hours of TV spread throughout the day? In an article I read a while ago, Dr Trina Hinckley said TV viewing can be ‘harmful to children’s physical and mental health’ speaking specifically about children under 4. She said that although parents think that TV programmes help children with learning language etc, that this is not true according to research.
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Subconscious Stereotyping

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With baby’s arrival only a couple of weeks away, we are in preparation mode and are trying to get the nursery finished. The last thing to do is put up the wall stickers. There will be another post to showcase these gorgeous stickers in situ once they are up, but I blogged about them when we chose them here. They are gorgeous and so pretty. I love the swirling branches and the cute creatures but… I suddenly realised something… they are very different from the stickers we put up in Monkey’s room when he was tiny.

Monkey's wall stickers

Monkey’s wall stickers

He has Hungry Caterpillar stickers, which we bought for no other reason than the reason we chose these latest stickers… because we like them. But, as part of the set, his stickers could be seen as more educational. Along with the characters from the book there are the days of the week, and also a big display of numbers. It’s part of the story, 1 apple, 2 pears, etc. etc. but it made me wonder, have we subconsciously chosen such different stickers for their rooms because of their gender?

Have we given Monkey stickers with numbers in because he is a boy? Have we given more simple, pretty stickers to baby because she is (we think) a girl? Or am I overthinking things and over-worrying? Quite possibly!

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The freedom to climb… and fall?

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Monkey climbing at 15 mths old

Monkey loves climbing. As an early walker he was always desperate to climb from quite a young age, and to be honest, this isn’t something we have discouraged. For a long time it has been one of his favourite things to do at the park and he is so good at it. Going to tumbletots has helped with this too as there is a lot of climbing involved and it has also been a great way of teaching him the safe way to climb up but most importantly the safe way to climb down again.

Little ones don’t have much concept of height or fear and I am sure this causes many a parent to have heart in their mouth moments and leap to the rescue of said little one who decides to step off the top of a climbing frame! Monkey has done that to us so many times, though thankfully now he is learning the safe ways of getting up, and back down again!

I recently read a post on Happiness is here all about using the term “Be Careful” with your kids. It was a really interesting read so I highly recommend it, and I have been thinking a lot about it ever since. How much do you and should you allow your child/ren the freedom to explore? Does saying “be careful” negatively affect your child and the way they play, making them more likely to stumble than if they were let be and able to trust their instincts? I’m not sure.

WP_20140903_13_34_06_ProWe use the term “be careful” all the time, but usually with an explanation. For example yesterday during a mad half hour while Monkey was spinning round the living room like a little loony and I had to step in to stop him bashing his head on the corner of a table he was told “be careful you have to look where your going or you will hurt yourself!” When he gets exctited half way climbing up something and wants to take his hands off to give himself a round of applause  he is told “be caeful, you have to hold on or you will fall off!”

He also gets a lot of positive encouragement and guidance too. I’m a big believer in trying to be use positive reinforcement rather than negatives as I think it just works better all around (even adults respond better to positives and constructive criticism rather than purely negative feedback). So he gets lots of well done, that’s right put your hand their, yep and push up, well done, clever boy, etc. etc. But I do also warn him to be careful. After reading the post I wondered if I say it more for myself, because of my own worries, rather than for his safety. And I wondered if saying it actually made it more likely that he would fall.

As with many things parenting I don’t think it’s as simple as that. Hubby took Monkey out for  a walk Sunday morning and Monkey was absolutely loving climbing up a huge climbing frame. Hubs said he started off really close and was right there to catch him if he slipped but actually realised he didn’t need him there so took a step back. And that was when Monkey lost his footing and fell between the rungs of the ladder. He unfortunately scraped his forehead a little on the way down and Hubs was riddled with guilt that he hadn’t been there to catch him or to stop the fall.

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But if the parent is always there to stop the fall and save the day, then will the child ever learn to be careful? Plus I don’t actually think you can be there to stop every hurt. Monkey fell off his blimming dining room chair and split his face open! As much as we don’t want to see our kids hurt, and it is our responsibility to look after them and keep them safe, we also have to try and teach them to be careful too. It’s part of life after all, sometimes you fall, but you just have to dust yourself down and pick yourself up again. After his fall on Sunday, Monkey had a bit of a daddy cuddle, and then was back climbing again, grinning as much as ever. No worse off for the little fall or scrape, though Hubs was beating himself up about it for the rest of the day!

I guess it’s about balance, which I guess is true of most things parenting. I know some people will think we are bonkers to let Monkey climb so high, so young and think we maybe aren’t careful enough. Whereas I also know some people will think we are too overprotective sometimes. I don’t really worry what other people think of us but I just say that to illustrate we all parent in our own way. So for me, I will carry on giving Monkey the freedom to climb and explore, but I will also keep saying “be careful” because I think it helps him learn his boundaries as well as making me feel better!

What do you think? How much do you say ‘be careful’?

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Mummy & Daddy take the night off!

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On Friday morning hubby and I left the house at about 8.15am and headed off to Hereford for a wedding. Monkey? Monkey stayed at home, in the care of his Nanny & Pops! This was quite a big deal for us. Before we had Monkey and when he was a tiny baby we had grand ideas about leaving him with the grandparents fairly regularly so he would get used to it from a young age and it wouldn’t be a big deal.

In reality things didn’t quite work out as we planned (when does it ever, with babies?). Colic didn’t help matters and I always found leaving him behind difficult when breastfeeding – having to express extra milk before the event, trying to ensure he would drink out of bottles, having to find somewhere quiet to express your engorged boobs while at an event (trying not to get any on your fancy outfit) to relieve the pain. Not simple or stress free, in my personal opinion. We did manage a couple of days like this but didn’t actually have any events or plans far away, requiring an overnight stay, when he was very little so always came home for the night.

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Parenting

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There has been a few stories in the media recently that have really made me stop and think about parenting, and therefore what I want for Monkey and baba as they grow up.

The first was an article about a mum who gives her 2 and 4 year old daughters spray tans, pierced ears, manicures and hair pieces. I’m pretty big on the whole live and let live mindset. We all have to parent our kids in our own way and I try really hard not to criticise others, but… the article made me feel uncomfortable. Largely because I worry about how the girls are going to feel about themselves growing up. If they are so focussed on their appearance now, how will they ever feel happy in their own skin. Will they always feel that they aren’t good about themselves unless they have spray tans, fake hair and make-up on? It just feels like a symptom of a much bigger problem that does worry me as the kids grow up.
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Supernanny’s book and the Dawn of Discipline

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Please note that this post contains affiliate links, which means I would receive a small commission if you were to purchase the item by clicking on the link. There is of course no obligation to do so and any income goes towards the upkeep of this blog.

We knew this day would come, but it would seem that the terrible twos have arrived. I’ll be honest I don’t think he is actually that terrible but there is definitely an edge to his behaviour lately that we haven’t seen before. The tantrums are worse than before and there is some serious defiance going on – so it is definitely time for some firmer discipline.

But what discipline? We are not fans of smacking, it just isn’t for us. I have blogged recently about Monkey’s love of counting, so counting to 3 in the hopes he stops before I reach 3 failed miserably the once I tried it as he then just started off counting on his fingers!

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