VBAC or Elective C?

Posted by Caroline Elliott

I had my first midwife appointment today and she asked how I felt about this question, and I can’t say I haven’t thought about it a lot, but I am nowhere near reaching a decision!

VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Caesarean) or an Elective C-Section?

During my previous pregnancy I had high hopes of a natural delivery, hopefully including a water birth. Because of my SPD I felt this would be the best route as the water should help support my pelvis and limit at least some of the pain! I was quite open regarding pain relief and figured that as I had no idea how labour felt, or how I would react to that pain that the best approach was to see how it went and make decisions at the time.

Then, Monkey was Breech. After lots of attempts to turn him, ranging from being advised to ‘visualise the baby turning’ which hubby helped with by turning himself around in bed (lol, which was hilarious, and ridiculous, but sadly DIDN’T help!) to having a consultant attempt to forcibly turn him in the womb via an ECV. That was seriously painful and not an experience I’d care to repeat! It obviously comes with some risks too.

So as he refused point blank to turn around it was recommended that we have a C Section. I hate the word elective as it feels like somehow you are choosing that option, for no other reason than you want one. What they mean is ‘planned’ rather than ’emergency’ so I wish they’d just use the word planned! Anyway, digressing, I know it is possible to deliver a breech baby naturally however I did do a lot of research and found evidence to suggest that since C-Sections have become the more popular option in breech cases, that the skill level required to deliver a breech baby naturally isn’t found as commonly in hospitals anymore. While you may be lucky and have a midwife who has delivered breech babies, and knows exactly how best to do it, you may also have a midwife who has never delivered a breech baby before, as they are more commonly born via C-section. This means that the risks of a natural breech birth are now actually higher than the risks of having a C Section. (That is how I interpreted the research and advice I received at the time – I am not a midwife, doctor or scientist and it may not be correct, all I can do is say how we made our decision.)

So we opted for a C-section. Now, it turns out that I have a Bicornuate Uterus (sort of heart shaped rather than round) and Monkey had no chance in turning round, because he was stuck in one side and could not turn. The consultant advised that there is basically a 50/50 chance that any future pregnancy would also be breech, which would mean there isn’t much of a decision to make and we would go for a C-Section again without question.

But the question is, what would I do if the baby is not breech. Would I go down the road I know and have a C-Section regardless? Plan it in and eliminate all doubt? Or do I think back to my original hopes for my previous pregnancy and aim for a natural water birth?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t relish the thought of going under the knife again. I would much rather not have the post surgery recovery time, the agony of life that is post C-Section, when you realise more than ever before how important your stomach muscles are and how debilitating it is when moving them causes you agony! I don’t want to be in hospital for days post birth again, being kept awake by all of the other babies on the ward, in addition to my own, struggling to care for baby in those hours overnight when hubby has to go home and I can barely move. That I am NOT looking forward to should I choose that route.

BUT, and it is a big but, the birth itself was calm and relatively stress free.We knew the day, I went to a wedding the day before, knowing the next day I would have my baby. We checked in and were second on the list so Monkey was born by 10am. there was no pain pre-birth, it all ran very smoothly and was just lovely and calm.

I am a planner so for me the unknown elements of giving birth have always terrified me somewhat. When will it happen? Will I go to hospital too early and be sent home? Will I leave it too late and not get there in time? How bad will the pain be? How will I cope? (I’ve watched one born and I know some women cope better with the pain than others – not criticising, we are all built differently and can’t compare, it’s just hard not knowing how it will be for me.) Will I need an epidural? What if something goes wrong? What if I need an assisted delivery? What if I need an emergency C-Section anyway and still have all the negatives of a C-Section, without the benefits of the calm build up?

Add to this the SPD, I know women with SPD give birth naturally all the time but there are added complications and there are fewer recommended positions, for example being on your knees is recommended far and away above lying on a bed with your legs in stirrups.

Am I just nervous? Is that why I am hesitating? Am I a coward for wanting to go down the ‘known’ route of a planned C-Section? Am I less of a woman if I never go through the experience of a natural birth? Am I missing out? But then should I take the option of a natural birth (which comes with it’s own risks as well after a C-Section, including tearing the uterus scar) purely to avoid these opinions? Should I be swayed by such negative thoughts?

I am not going to rush the decision as I am well and truly divided over which I would prefer. I may end up having very little choice anyway if this baby is breech too, so in some ways I don’t want to get my hopes up for a natural birth. I am being referred to the VBaC Clinic, where they will hopefully be able to give me some further advice and help me to make an informed decision.

have you had any experience of this decision? Which way did you go?

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Feeling the Support

Posted by Caroline Elliott

After an insanely busy week last week, this week has been much calmer, and thank goodness as I really needed it to be. There has been lots more positivity this week too so that was nearly my Word of the Week, but instead I have gone for “Support” and I will tell you why.

Regular readers will know about the ups and downs I have had with my pelvis so far in this pregnancy, and I have basically been in a lot of pain due to a lack of support in that region. But on Monday morning I met my new physio who was wonderful and positive and supportive and she has made the world of difference already. I won’t go into too much detail here, but I have written more about it in my week 10 update, if you would like to read more.

One thing I will mention though is that I now have a rather fetching support brace, which is MUCH better than anything I have had before, in that it actually supports my pelvis. It’s not a miracle cure of course and the pain isn’t miraculously gone, but I have felt able to do more with Monkey this week. I haven’t been shying away from walks to the park for fear of the pain I would be in. I have been able to wear the support and have it take some of the strain for me and allow me to be more of the Mum I want to be. Yay!

The other reason I have chosen the word support is because my friends have been so supportive of me lately too, and I feel very very lucky to have such lovely supportive friends. They are a relatively new group of friends, we all met working in the same office and we have really got close since we all had children fairly close in age. I popped round to see one of them for a play date last Friday and I was feeling particularly low. I was in a lot of pain and was so tired after a busy week, but I needed to get out of the house with Monkey.

One thing I always worry about is being that annoying person who is constantly moaning. Growing up my Dad used to moan about his back allll the time, to everyone, and I would see people’s eyes glaze over as he banged on and on about it without ever asking anyone else how they were. I would never want to be thought of the way that I know he was. But it’s a balance because I don’t want to be a martyr either and not tell people who are close to me when I am suffering.

So I was at my friend’s and she knew bits of what was going on, but not all and she wanted to know how I was. I still held back a little though and at one point apologised to her for being such a moaning minnie. She looked at me and said “Seriously Caroline, You don’t have to be happy all the time. This is rubbish and you’re allowed to be miserable, and I want to know how you really are!” I think I cried a little (I blame pregnancy hormones) and spilled. And you know what, I felt so much better for it. I worry too much sometimes and need to trust people more.

As a group we went out for dinner on Tuesday and had a lovely time (even though our food took nearly and hour and a half and we didn’t get to eat until 9pm! Shocking service!) and again just felt really lucky to have a great group of friends and they were all so happy for me that the physio went well on Monday. There was lots of fun and giggles all evening and it was just lovely.

My husband and our families have been so supportive too and been rallying around to play with Monkey and get some of the housework done that I can no longer do, and overall I am just feeling like the pressure has lifted. The combination of being able to physically do a bit more because of my support belt, and feeling supported by friends and family has made for a much nicer week.

I think the fact that the week has been calmer and full of early nights has really helped too though! So there we have it, my word of the week is “Support.” What’s yours?

My pregnancy, week 10 – symptoms are improving!

Posted by Caroline Elliott

I am now 10 1/2 weeks pregnant (eek, I think the baby is now officially a fetus, and is about the size of a prune!) Sickness has abated very nicely and with getting a few early nights lately I am feeling a bit less tired. A quieter week than last week is definitely helping on that front too! I’m getting a bit of heartburn now though so am relying on gaviscon a lot at the moment, which does help, so we will see how that goes.

The only thing that is draining the joy out of this pregnancy now the sickness is fading, is my Pelvis and PGP/SPD issues. Regular readers will know this already, but if not, the hormone relaxin, which is essential during pregnancy to allow your body to make room for your baby, isn’t kind to some of us, and makes our pelvis relax too far, meaning it is less stable and moves around more. This in turn causes friction and irritation on the joints of the pelvis, and anything from a little, to a lot of pain. It generally comes on later in pregnancy but for some of us unlucky ones it springs up as early as the first trimester. I had it in late pregnancy last time, and this time it appeared at around 6 weeks :(.

There has been all sorts of ups and downs over the past month in regard to this but I am pleased to let you know I am in a very definite ‘up’ at the moment! After a lot of tears I managed to speak to the head women’s health Physio at the hospital last week and I saw her on Monday and she was just as lovely in person as she was over the phone!

The physio session itself was great, we talked a lot and she laid some of my fears to rest. Fear has played a big role in this pregnancy so far, as I know how painful it got last time, and how immobile I was. Information about the condition has also grown since last time. Last time I was warned that I could pull my pelvis apart because it was so unstable, and I was told not to swim, and my physio didn’t even want me climbing stairs. So I have been afraid this time and not known what to do, out of fear of doing permanent damage. The meeting with my new physio has helped set many of those fears to rest.

It is extremely rare to be able to pull your pelvis apart so the key, key thing is that if I cause myself pain, I am not actually causing myself any damage. My biggest fear was that I would damage my pelvis and that the pain would continue after the birth. It is possible that the pain will be there after birth, but it is unlikely, and I can’t pull my pelvis apart. She said that short of falling downstairs with one leg staying up, and the other going down (ouch!), it would be incredibly hard to damage your pelvis in that way. So that is a big relief! It obviously doesn’t mean that I can just carry on as normal, and pretend it’s not happening as it will get more painful. But at least I know if I do overdo it, it should only result in short term suffering.

There is also pain relief I can get! Woohoo! I mean there’s the obvious paracetamol but that just doesn’t really do anything for me, and aside from that it can be so hard to know what to take when you’re pregnant as you obviously don’t want to risk the baby. I am going to try and do without as much as possible, especially this early in the pregnancy, but it is great to know that if things get really bad, I can take some co-codamol – which I will need to get prescribed by my doctor.

She has also given me a proper support band. Basically my muscles in my bum should be strong enough to hold my pelvis in the right position, but apparently they aren’t, so wearing the support will do the job of holding my pelvis in place, meaning I can do more, while experiencing less pain. It’s quite tight (as you would expect) and not very comfortable when sitting – but it does mean I can carry on with going for walks with my neighbour every morning (which had been giving me a lot of pain) and I can take Monkey to the park without worrying about how painful it is going to be. I’ve only had it a couple of days but already it feels soo much better!

She also worked really hard on some of my muscles which were in spasm, it was incredibly painful but so so worth it. She has recommended heat packs, and I am kicking myself for not thinking about a heat pack earlier! I have a microwaveable wheat bag anyway and it is so handy for sore muscles, can’t believe I haven’t thought to use it! It will be in use a lot from now on though!

I’ve got a couple of very simple exercises to strengthen my bum muscles (sounds weird doesn’t it?) which should help without putting too much strain on my pelvis. So hopefully I can do those without too much pain, and they can help my body to support my pelvis a bit better.

She was so lovely too and we were chatting away throughout, and everything she said just made sense to me! So I feel much more relaxed and confident about it all now. I was reading something about PGP the other day, which said something that really struck home. It isn’t just the physical limitations of the condition that cause harm to women in pregnancy, but also the psychological effects. Pregnancy “should” be a joyful time, but when you’re in pain, it is incredibly hard to find that joy. You worry about being seen as constantly moaning, and you want to be able to just do the things you would normally do, but you can’t. It makes it incredibly difficult and because many people don’t know about the condition, it can be hard for them to understand what you are going through, and therefore very hard to explain.

Feeling more positive about the fact that I now have a physio who I believe can help me, and steps in place to improve things already, I feel like a bit of weight as lifted from my shoulders. I know that it isn’t a quick fix and I will continue to struggle with a lot of this, but a little bit of hope really goes a long way!

A very diverse week

Posted by Caroline Elliott

There are many words I could use to describe the past week – hectic, varied, hospital, baking, exciting, depressing, progress, hopeful, honestly I could go on, so I have gone for Diverse.

Right… where to start?

We had a lovely weekend, fairly busy but it was my MIL’s birthday on Sunday so that was lovely, and then my parents are having their kitchen renovated at the moment so we invited them round for Sunday tea. Monkey loved a day with all of his lovely grandparents so that was nice!

Monday was a very exciting day! In case you haven’t heard, I was invited to meet Cake Boss, Buddy Valastro by TLC. It really was a LOT of fun. It was also really tiring – a slightly rushed trip down to central London, hours of being on my feet (soooo not good for my Pelvis but I wasn’t about to make a fuss), and you know how it is, all the mingling and small talk can get quite exhausting at the best of times, let alone when being preggo is tiring me out as it is! It was wonderful but I was so tired, some of my London girls wanted to meet for a drink afterwards but honestly there was no way I could do it, far too tired!

I don’t want to go into too much detail about it here, as there is enough for another post about my SPD this week, but there has been some very low lows and a very happy glimmer of hope this week and hopefully we will be making some progress soon on that front. I was at the hospital on Tuesday which felt like a waste of time but have another appointment on Monday that will hopefully be more positive.

My parents looked after Monkey while I was at the hospital on Tues, and they had a whale of a time. But we are all a bit daft, as I had forgotten to get them a key to the house so Monkey couldn’t come inside in time for his nap. D’oh! They kept him going but by the time I got home he wasn’t very interested in napping! It wasn’t a terrible afternoon, just very tiring. Then by bedtime he was so overtired and honestly I am a dummy as I gave him some cake at tea time and with the over tiredness and sugar the poor lamb took ages to get off to sleep. We really take for granted what a good sleeper he is usually and nights like that are so rare and worse because I caused it. Poor Monkey 🙁

Wednesday saw our second trip to the hospital , for Monkey this time. I’ve mentioned before how a health visitor had moaned at me that he walked with his feet out and that we should get it checked. Blah blah. Anyway, to avoid a repeat of this at his 2 year check we duly went to the Drs and got referred to the hospital. We have now seen a pediatric orthopedic doctor who has confirmed what we thought, that Monkey is normal and that it will probably correct itself naturally as he gets older, and that then as he becomes more self conscious he will probably turn his own feet in. So it was a waste of time, but in the best possible sense, and much as we hoped it would be the case, you never really know. So for all my moaning about it, I know it was worth getting it checked just to make sure that it is all normal!

There’s also lots of progress on the Garden renovation …. more to come on that next week but it is taking shape, eek! We have got the landscapers in and they are doing a fab job!

Also, the work has all been done in my flat, all the mould is gone (it was disgusting) it has been redecorated and new carpets are down. Phew! Hopefully we get new tenants soon, then we can start to think about the more costly job of extending the lease (eek).

Hubby’s parents have been wonderful this week and have helped with some of the housework. I hate it as I am a very proud person and I don’t like admitting I can’t do everything… but I have to accept that with my pelvis the way it is right now, I really can’t do everything. Hubby is doing his best to keep on top of everything but he’s busy and tired too so even a little help from family is making all the difference at the moment. Thank goodness we are lucky enough to have support from all of our family!

Oh I also went for a drink mid-week with a very good friend who was actually my direct manager when I was last pregnant. It was lovely to catch up as it had been a couple of months, and she is getting married to one of hubby’s friends (I set them up, go me!) in August, so there was lots of exciting thing to catch up on! She also very kindly told me that I look much healthier than I did at this point in my last pregnancy. As my manager she was used to a very grey faced zombie staring at her blankly most days last time, and she is right as the sickness and zombie-ness is nowhere near as bad at the moment, so that is a very good positive thought! My pelvis may suck, but at least the sickness isn’t as bad this time. I’ll take that thank you!

I am really hoping that next week is just a little calmer… but Monkey has 2 birthday parties to go to this weekend! Aaaargh No rest in sight yet!

A Rollercoaster of Emotions, but a Glimmer of Hope

Posted by Caroline Elliott

This week has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. After a wonderful night in London on Monday, on Tuesday I was in a lot of pain, and shattered. But it was a busy day and I had what I thought was going to be a physio session at the hospital, so I was quite excited. My parents looked after Monkey and hubby came along to be my advocate. But we got there and unfortunately hubby wasn’t allowed in and it turned out to be a group session where they basically told us all the things we shouldn’t do, to manage our pain. No hoovering, no loading the washing machine, no washing up, no crossing your legs. Don’t do anything that causes you pain, keep your knees together at all times.

I could have screamed as I know all of this. All the other ladies were much further along in their pregnancies and for many it was the first time they had experienced pain. We had to describe our pain too and there was a real variety. I am not belittling anyone else’s pain because no-one can know what things feel like to different people, but it seemed like such an unspecific session as there was some ladies with a bit of lower back pain, one with what sounded like sciatica and a few of us with the real sharp pains at the front of the pelvis. All grouped under one session which seemed a bit generalised to me!

I understand why they do it, as I am sure for some ladies that would be enough, but having been through this once before, and with all my fears about the fact that it has started so early it felt like such a waste of time and I was miserable when I left. I’ve been given a tubi-grip support but been told it won’t help me now, though it will do later when I have a bump. And in the meantime???? It wasn’t a happy evening for me as I had been so hopeful and the letter from the hospital had been really misleading about what to expect, advising me to wear loose clothing so the therapist could examine me, when they never even got close enough to touch me, let alone examine me!

But, and there is a But, a positive one. We were given an SOS appt. Basically we are meant to follow these instructions for a few weeks and if we can’t manage then call back. Because I have been through this before I have been doing so many of the things they have described since I first felt pain at 6 wks pregnant. So I called them on Wednesday morning. The receptionist was very snooty (why are they like that sometimes?) and really didn’t want to listen to my explanation and just kept repeating, “you only came in Yesterday” and eventually said “Well I’ll pass a message to the physio to see what they want to do with you, because you only came in yesterday and they are very busy.” I felt gutted and was sure that I was going to be told to wait or something.

Not very positive yet is it? Well, then I got a phone call from the head Women’s Health Physio at the hospital, and she was LOVELY! So helpful and by the time I spoke to her I couldn’t stop crying, and you know what, she understood! I didn’t have to tell her how worried I was about it starting so early because she described my feelings exactly! She even understood how hard it must be with a toddler to look after.

She gave me a glimmer of hope that for some women it is at it’s worst in the first trimester because of the crazy rush of hormones, and that it may get better in the second trimester (please, please, please, please, please). But she also said that because it is so early SHE wants to see me personally, she doesn’t want anyone else to see me as she wants to make sure she does everything they can! Yay! She was very very kind and supportive and made me feel like what I am going through mattered, and that it was something she had helped other ladies through before. After feeling like I was basically being told to just lump it and get on with it, having someone agree that there is a problem, and actually offer to help, felt miraculous!

She started off saying that she is very busy and has a full diary so I was bracing myself for a long wait for an appt, but then she said she can do 8.30am on Monday! Wahoo! So watch this space and I really hope she can help me in a way other than telling me not to do anything that causes me pain for the next 7 mths, as that means basically lying down all day which is impossible with Monkey to look after!

I really hope I can stop boring everyone with posts about this soon, but I have to blog it out otherwise I would go mad!

Signs of SPD/PGP and Burying my head in the Sand

Posted by Caroline Elliott

After announcing my pregnancy on Friday, and my ‘Back to the Beginning‘ post on Monday, this is another post about what has been happening so far – in an attempt to fully chart the progress of my pregnancy and get up to date!

I suffered quite badly with SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction, also known as Pelvic Girdle Pain, or PGP) in my last pregnancy and ended up on crutches and I was pretty immobile. I was advised not to swim as my pelvis was too unstable and my physio was very concerned and wanted me to keep my knees together as much as possible at all times, even to the point where she recommended tying my knees together overnight! Try keeping your knees together for a few hours, it makes climbing stairs, getting in and out of cars, and even walking pretty tricky!

As I knew that it can recur with subsequent pregnancies I had been trying to prepare for this next pregnancy. To get my muscles strong so that it could be minimised, but, well, I have failed. I had been doing the exercises my previous physio gave me, and thought all was well. Then I fell pregnant. I carried on with the exercises but realised that I was now getting the pain in my pelvis. Sad face. So I stopped doing the exercises and the pain went away. Tried to do them again, and the pain came back. Not what I was expecting and definitely not what I was hoping for!

I figured maybe I was doing the exercises wrong or something, and one thing I learnt with SPD last time was that something is causing you pain, don’t do it! It’s not like other conditions where it gets worse before it gets better, or you can push through the pain.With SPD, it get’s worse, before it gets even worse! So I stopped the exercises. The pain stopped for the most part but still popped back intermittently which meant I was worried about what that meant for the rest of my pregnancy!

The physio I saw privately when I was pregnant before is on maternity leave so I can’t see her to ask for advice. I needed to find a new physio. I went to see a lovely physio at about 6 weeks pregnant, who filled me with confidence. She felt some of my previous exercises were quite hard and may put pressure on my pelvis, and basically confirmed that if they are causing the pain then I should definitely not do them. We did some very simple exercises and apparently my legs, back and even arms are all quite weak which is why my pelvis is under so much pressure (bonkers really).

The exercises were so simple they seemed daft but I could feel them working and was full of confidence when I left her. But, she said to me that if I was in pain the following day as a result of the exercises, that there may not be any exercises I can do to prevent it getting worse. The following day I was in huge amounts of pain and my spirits slumped. I went from feeling completely positive and optimistic to abject misery and negativity.

What I should have done, was call her and talk to her right away, but, I was afraid. Afraid of what she would say if those ridiculously simple exercises had caused me so much pain. Afraid that she may reiterate what she said before, that if they caused me so much pain, there may not be anything I can do to prevent it happening. So I haven’t. I have buried my head in the sand. I know it’s daft, I know it could be said I am being a martyr and making the problem worse by not getting help, but I don’t know what to to do for the best. Do I go back to her and see if she can do anything? Or do I try somewhere else? And if they can’t do anything, what then? I’m scared and so I am being daft and hiding from it. My head is firmly in the sand because I don’t know what the solution is.

I am writing this 2 weeks later, at 8 weeks pregnant. I have been in pain basically every day. It’s intermittent and some days are better than others. I have been trying to be more aware of how I sit, and stand and basically do everything, to try and put as little pressure on my pelvis as possible. But with a toddler, it’s nigh on impossible. How can I be the mum I want to be, when I can’t sit on the floor, I can’t kneel, I can’t carry him, I can’t bounce him on my knees, I can’t crawl around with him to play games? I’m struggling at his tumble tots class and don’t know how long I can carry on taking him. I hate it and feel really unhappy about it. The fact that it is so early in the pregnancy and that I can’t blog/talk about it makes it even harder.

I’m struggling with the housework as it is now hurting when I do the hoovering, and again, crawling around cleaning floors and bathrooms is painful. I know I should call her, or someone else but I still can’t bring myself to do it. I have my first midwife appointment this week so will go down the NHS referral line. Last time I didn’t suffer from the SPD until a lot later on in the pregnancy and by the time I got the appt at the hospital I was already booked in for a C section, so I cancelled. This time I may fight to get a cancellation appt or something to get in as early as possible. I’m not sure if they will be able to do anything else to help though. I just wish I knew what I could do.

I have been feeling really down about it and I know that to some extent it is my fault, for not getting my head out of the sand. But we have so much other stuff going on in our lives at the moment (with operation garden renovation, and all the dramas surrounding my flat and our tenants) that it is easy to push this to the back of the queue and get on with everything else. I have been in tears quite a few times with the pain (and hormones no doubt) and with having to ask hubby to do more about the house as I am already finding so much of it physically difficult. I am wearing support pants every day to hold myself together as clearly my muscles aren’t doing the job on their own. The pants help but aren’t exactly comfortable and I just worry they are masking the problem, and that they aren’t making things better in the long run.

I need to make a decision and go to the physio, or find a new one, but at least do something. Time to get my head OUT of the sand. I am not an Ostrich, and repeat!

The update to this post is that I did dig my head out of the sand and called the physio. Full credit to her for her honesty, she admitted defeat and confirmed what I had thought, which was that I needed to see someone with more specific experience with SPD/PGP. So the hunt is on for another physio… stay tuned!

Do you ever bury your head in the sand, or are you stronger than me and face your problems head on?

I’m Becoming a mummy again!

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Ok so the cat is out of the bag, the bird has flown the coop, any other metaphors you can think of for the fact that the secret is out because I am Pregnant. Yay!! So that is my word of the week!

It’s still very early days as I am only 9 weeks pregnant, and I know that things could still go wrong, but I have really been struggling to keep this a secret as it is affecting a lot of our life at the moment! And as I blog about our life it feels very weird to be omitting something as huge as this. We are very excited of course and can’t believe how lucky we are to have fallen pregnant again so quickly. Timing wise it works out exactly as we had ever hoped as baby will be due beginning of November and Monkey will be 2 1/2 in November, so yay! Like I say, we are lucky it happened so fast, I know!

But, and there is a but, much as I am thrilled to be pregnant, and appreciative of how lucky we are and hopeful and apprehensive all at the same time, I am also really tired!! I had forgotten quite how tiring this first stage of pregnancy can be! I am struggling to keep up with the blog and have had to cut down on a few fab linkys that I love, purely because I haven’t got the energy to do the rounds and comment in the way that I think you should when you are joining up to a linky! So apologies for late replies to comments, short comments or a general easing off from commenting, I’m doing as much as I can!

Morning sickness sucks too, let’s just put that out there – but thanks to sea-sickness bands (not 100% sure they work but willing to try anything) and copious amounts of Jacob’s Crackers I am getting through. And, fingers crossed, touch wood it seems to be easing off slightly which is a vast improvement on my previous pregnancy, so hooray for that! I am spottier than I was last time which is irritating but not really worth complaining about! My neighbour thinks this means I am having another boy hehe 🙂 (out come all the old wives’ tales!!)

The big downer so far, and the main reason I have decided not to keep it a secret anymore, is that my SPD/PGP/whatever you want to call it, stupid pain in my pelvis has raised it’s ugly head already. 🙁 Boooo. I won’t go on about it too much here as I have a more detailed post planned but I hurt already. It’s affecting my life a lot and making me feel quite sad at times, and not being able to write about it, or even mention it in other posts has proven a bit difficult.

It’s affecting the way we live and how I keep the house clean & tidy. It’s affecting play with Monkey and getting out and about in general. I am hoping to get some help to prevent it getting worse but it’s proving a difficult process and quite simply, I need to talk about it! Blogging is now a big part of who I am and when I am struggling with something I find it very cathartic to write it all down. Having to deliberately omit something that is worrying me is taking the fun out of the blogging somewhat so that is why I have decided to spill.

Plus, I know that things could go wrong, but if they do I am pretty certain I would need to write about that too, so that in itself doesn’t feel like a strong enough reason to keep quiet about it.

This may seem like quite a negative way to announce that I am pregnant but believe me, even with all of the above moaning, I am genuinely happy and excited to be pregnant again as it means I get to have a little baby at the end of it. Another little darling to fill my world with smiles and cheekiness. I know that will make any and all of the challenges and difficulties worth it, but I also aim to be honest in my blog so I can’t pretend everything is 100% rosy when I am really not feeling it!

Phew! Do you know what? I already feel so much better for getting all of that off my chest and out in the open!

We’re having another baby! Hooray!!! 🙂 Bring on the pregnancy posts! 😉

Remembering my first pregnancy and struggling with SPD

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Approx. 8 months pregnant

As I mentioned in my previous blog post, we are starting to think about having another baby. This has got me thinking about pregnancy and taken me on a little trip down memory lane to what my first pregnancy was like. Before I got pregnant I have to admit that I was a bit judgemental about women who had difficult pregnancies and thought seriously how hard can it be? One of my best friends had such a smooth pregnancy and I naively thought that every pregnancy was the same and that it was a lovely happy healthy time where women bloom.

Then I got pregnant, and oh how wrong I was and how I regretted being so judgemental in the past!

It was difficult from the off as I had really terrible morning sickness (more like all day, every day sickness) and just crippling exhaustion that made me feel like the living dead. I was useless at work (not great when you have just been promoted) and had so much time off sick. I also had to stop driving after a while as this zombie-ness really made me feel unsafe on the roads, and after a few too-near misses I eventually stopped driving (and I love driving so I just wasn’t myself at all). This led to me feeling very depressed and in the end I was signed off work until my maternity leave began. I was already planning to leave at the very earliest point you can take maternity leave, but I finished a few weeks before that in the end as I was seriously struggling to cope.

As I started to feel a little less exhausted and sick, the slight nagging pain in my pelvis that I had ignored started to get steadily worse. I was diagnosed with SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction), which is due to the pregnancy hormone Relaxin. This is supposed to help your bones and ligaments make room for the baby, but unfortunately in some of us, this hormone causes our pelvis to relax too much, causing a lot of pain as the join at the front of your pelvis (the symphysis pubis) pulls too far apart. I saw a physio who told me to keep my knees together at all times during my pregnancy, and she even suggested I tie my knees together overnight so they didn’t come apart while I slept. Climbing stairs was a nightmare and soon just walking was agony, even at snail speed so I ended up on crutches. I wasn’t even allowed to go swimming as my pelvis was too unstable.

Monkey trying to get out the wrong way! Two days before birth

The other issue we had is that apparently I have a bicornuate uterus, which basically means I have a sort of heart shaped uterus and makes a breech birth much more likely. We didn’t know this at the time and did all sorts to try and turn Monkey (including the doctors trying to forcibly turn him, which we couldn’t possibly know would never work as he was stuck in one side of my uterus). So all plans of a nice water birth went out the window and we had a caesarean, which is how they saw that I have a bicornuate uterus.

Of course I know that in many ways we were very lucky, Monkey had no problems at all, and there was no scary risk factors in terms of either his life or mine and of course I would rather feel some discomfort than have any more serious problems. But from start to finish, it wasn’t great. I can truly say I never got the pregnancy glow that people talk about and I’m not looking forward to going through it again. Hopefully the nausea and exhaustion won’t be as bad next time. I won’t be working silly hours in a stressful job so I definitely have an advantage there. Plus that kind of thing can vary a lot from pregnancy to pregnancy so fingers crossed I won’t feel so bad second time round. Because of my strange uterus I have a 50/50 chance of another breech baby, which would definitely mean another caesarean, so we will just have to wait and see with that one and I guess what will be will be.

On crutches at a wedding – look at the size of me – approx 8 months pregnant.

But the SPD, by all accounts is likely to reappear. I have heard that not everyone gets it again, but in most cases if you have had it once you are apparently likely to get it again, with the symptoms appearing sooner and progressing faster, so I have that to look forward to! I still get the odd twinge every month before my period so I have to prepare myself for the worst I think (then I may get pleasantly surprised, who knows?), but I am doing everything I can to try and prepare for it though. I was a bit overweight before I even got pregnant last time, which can’t have helped, so I have been steadily trying to get healthy before we start trying again. I am quite a bit lighter than I was last time so hopefully that will help by putting less pressure on my pelvis.

My exercises, stuck on the wardrobe to make sure I do them!

I also know the exercises I need to do to strengthen the muscles supporting my pelvis (the transverse abdominus and pelvic floor) and my new year’s resolution is to start doing these exercises every day so that I am in the best shape possible before I even get pregnant to at least try and limit the damage! I will also know what it is next time, so unlike last time where I ignored it for a while, and then tried to push through the pain and carry on as normal (apparently completely the wrong thing to do!) I will listen to my body and take it easy when I need to. Even though I will hate to do it!

I am worried about what all this will mean for Monkey, as he is such an active child and loves going for walks or running about, and I love doing those things with him. My best Christmas present is a nice pair of winter boots to keep my feet warm as we spend so much time outdoors! How is that going to work if I end up on crutches again? How will I keep him safe if I can’t run after him should he make a dash near a road? He is pretty good but you can never be too careful. If I have to stop driving again because I don’t feel safe how will we get to baby groups and go on play-dates?

Both sets of grandparents have already offered their assistance and I know will help out as much as they can. Hubby has also said that he will work from home more if he needs to so that he can help out. But I know that no matter how much help I get, I will struggle with the fact that I am not able to be the mummy I want to be, even if only for a few short months.

But needs must, and it was worth all of the hardships last time to have such a gorgeous little man at the end of it, and I’m sure it will be worth it to have another gorgeous little baba in my arms one day. Fingers crossed that all goes as well as can be hoped for!

Becoming a Stay at Home Mum

Can I really do this?

SPD

VBAC or Elective C?

Feeling the Support

My pregnancy, week 10 – symptoms are improving!

A very diverse week

A Rollercoaster of Emotions, but a Glimmer of Hope

Signs of SPD/PGP and Burying my head in the Sand

I’m Becoming a mummy again!

Remembering my first pregnancy and struggling with SPD