Find out? Or wait for a Surprise?

I don’t like surprises. I’m rubbish with them. There’s generally too much pressure and I don’t know how to react to them. My hen do was a classic example of this as my lovely bridesmaids put in a lot of effort to organise some really thoughtful surprises. I really appreciated their efforts, but honestly? I kind of wish they hadn’t. I felt excluded at times as there was so much whispering and giggling behind closed doors, and the rest of the time I felt under a lot of pressure, with all the comments of “I can’t wait to see how you react” & “I think you’re going to cry.” It sadly turned some lovely, fun, thoughtful things into a bit of a stressfest for me and I then felt I had disappointed them by not reacting the way they wanted.

I may have mentioned this once or twice before, but I’m a planner, and ok, I admit, a bit of a control freak. I like to know what I am doing and what is going on. That makes me happy. I can be a bit spontaneous at times and of course the odd  little surprise of something like hubby coming home from work a little early is lovely. But big surprises, surprises that aren’t really surprises because you know they are coming but you just don’t know what the surprise itself is? Nope, I don’t like them. Maybe the fact that I am impatient doesn’t help either – I literally hate the suspense!

This is one of the many many reasons why we won’t be waiting for a surprise to see whether we are having a girl or a boy for the next baby. I understand that for many people the surprise is incredible, and a wonderful moment, and I’m not saying they’re wrong and that everyone should find out, this is purely about my personal choice. Because I don’t like surprises at the best of times, waiting for a surprise at that point in time, when there is already so much else to worry about (is the baby ok, am I ok) just feels too much for me.

The other main reason though that we will be finding out at the 20 week scan, is that I don’t like calling the baby ‘it.’ I understand you can name your bump, and I also know that gender isn’t everything that defines a personality, but somehow, calling the baby “he” or “she” rather than “it” makes it more real for me. It makes the baby a person rather than a thing. You know how it is, we anthropomorphise everything – we give human traits to animals, appliances and inanimate objects. It’s what we do! (come on, tell me you’ve never described a washing machine or car as temperamental, or assigned them a gender?)  So it feels natural to me to refer to the baby, which is a human, as a human (he or she) rather than ‘it.’

He? She? It?

He? She? It?

Monkey was Monkey before he was born. We had loved his name since before we were pregnant but held back in case, as some people say, we saw the baby and the name just didn’t fit. So we weren’t shouting his name from the rooftops, but privately we referred to him by his name. And we loved it. He was a wriggle bum then and stubborn as he wouldn’t turn (we didn’t know at the time it was because he physically couldn’t turn)  and we liked giving him personality traits. You could obviously do that without knowing, but for us, we just loved knowing that ‘it’ was a ‘he.’

I know that they can’t always be 100% certain when determining gender via ultrasound, and I’ve read stories about people decorating rooms in pink with names stickered onto the wall, only for it to turn out not to be the little girl they were predicted. Having said that our ultrasound technician was pretty convinced that Monkey was a boy as he told us that Monkey had been playing with his bits for most of the scan, and that for him it was pretty conclusive!

Image courtesy of

Image courtesy of

We aren’t pink for girls, blue for boys people, so the baby’s room is probably going to be white and pastel colours, regardless of gender. We may go a little more girly if a girl is predicted but it would be pretty subtle. The baby will also probably wear Monkey’s old clothes, regardless of gender too, so it’s not so much the preparation side of things. Although I guess mentally preparing for a either will be good for me. I honestly don’t mind what we have, of course I like the idea of a girl so we have one of each, but honestly, girls scare me a bit when they get older, and boys are a bit more of a known quantity! So I will honestly be happy either way. It will be nice to prepare mentally for either though, as again, I don’t like surprises!

I just want to know. And, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, I can know. A lot earlier, when I am feeling calm. And honestly, it’s still a bit of a surprise no matter when you find out, isn’t it? This is obviously a massively personal issue and there are two set camps, those who choose to find out, and those who love the surprise. Neither is right or wrong, each to their own is what I say, but these are my reasons.

How about you? Do you like surprises?

Post Comment Love
Mother's Always Right

24 thoughts on “Find out? Or wait for a Surprise?

  1. You are exactly the same as me! We found out for Little 1 at our 20 week scan, a girl and we were thrilled. Little 2 didn’t reveal herself at her 20 week scan and I was quite disappointed not to find out so when I had a growth scan at 33 weeks I asked and we found out, a lot of people said as we were so far we shouldn’t have asked but I just had to know!

    • Ooh yeah I will have to find out too – last time we talked about a 4D scan if it wasn’t clear – as it was we didn’t need to. I just like to know as much as I can! xx

  2. Funny how some of this is almost word for word for what I’ve written on my interpretation of this week’s Prompt Caroline! We are obviously pretty similar in this respect!! #ThePrompt

    • It’s one of those things i think where you either have to know, or really don’t want to – I’m not sure there is a middle ground, but each to their own and for us planners, finding out seems to be very important! xx

  3. We didn’t find out with any of ours, it seems like the last real surprise left in life! Having said that, it’s still a surprise at the scan too, and you’re right – a slightly less stressful environment for it 🙂 Strangely, I’m a bit of a planner too, so this was slightly out of character! Thanks so much for linking to #ThePrompt x

    • I honestly find it interesting how it does divide opinions.. so I guess each to their own – interesting you chose a surprise as a planner though! xx

  4. We were the same, found out all three times and had a pre-pregnancy name chosen for 4yo! Then she came up with baby boy’s name and it stuck. There are so many of these little things that divides the camp aren’t there 😉 #ThePrompt

    • Aww lovely! lol, you’re right, as with many things parenting there is definitely a divide in opinions! xx

    • Oh interesting, see hubby didn’t want to know with Monkey initially, but I wanted to find out, and thankfully he is now a convert to my way of thinking!! xx

  5. Surprises all the way for us! I’ve had two surprises so far (both girls) and this third we’ll find out on his or her birthday. I think it’s a personality type thing, either you really want to know or you really don’t mind and want to wait and there’s not much grey area – I’ve just been lucky that H and I are the same type!

    • Aww lovely! Like you say I think it really does depend on personality and it definitely helps to want the same as your partner!! xx

  6. Agree 100%. First two we found out, our son at 14 weeks and daughter at 17. This baby was hiding at her Anomaly scan, luckily there were a few things they could not check and I had a rescan this week (22) and it is another girl. It was quite stressful not knowing who our baby was. We have always had names chosen so we know who they are. I could not stand waiting but know friends who think we are mad.

    • Aww I bet, I am trying not to get my hopes up about finding out, just in case they can’t tell… but I do really want to know!!! xx

  7. It’s such a personal decision and, in my limited experience, it does seem like most people tend to find out the sex these days. I know that I’ve often been met with a “Ooh, why aren’t you finding out?” when I’ve told people we’re having a surprise so don’t know the sex. People will have an opinion on what you should do either way, but as long as your choice is right for you then it doesn’t matter. Very exciting times! Thank you for linking up to the #BlogBumpClub. I’m really loving reading all these posts! x

    • It is such a personal decision and I don’t think there’s a right or wrong decision, as you say, as long as you’re happy with it 🙂 xx

  8. We’re on number 3 and haven’t found out for any of them. Agree with Molly, it’s such a personal choice. For me, the surprise element gets me through the last few weeks (not the labour when to be honest I couldn’t care whether I was giving birth to a baby cow). Lots of people think we’re bonkers this time, as we already have two girls. They seem very bothered by the fact that if we knew it was a boy, we could get rid of all of our girl baby clothes. I just figure we’ll do that after the event, if it isn’t another girl… #blogbumpclub

    • It is absolutely a personal choice and I have friends who feel the same as you. I think the suspense would drive me a bit mad but it obviously works for you and yours! 🙂 xx

  9. I do understand what you mean and when I was pregnant with my first I could not wait to find out the gender! Our problem was that parents asked not to be told and it became quite stressful keeping it a secret. It all came out in the end, to much upset. With my second, my husband’s parents agreed we could tell them, but mine still preferred not to know, and yet again someone let slip. With my 3rd, we decided that we had one of each so we would leave this one as a surprise. It was SO easy to do. This time, we are not going to find out again. Its easier and with the chance I may be having another elective, it means that there will be at least something left to surprise
    x x

    • Oh gosh that must make it difficult to know but then have to keep it secret from certain people so I can completely understand why you decided to stop finding out! xx

Thanks for taking the time to write something. I love comments and read every one xx

Your email address will not be published.