Looking forward to being me again

So with the date now booked for baby’s birth, the countdown to the end of pregnancy is on! This pregnancy has been much better than my first. I am not on crutches and am much more mobile than I thought I would be. I am nowhere near the zombie I was when I was pregnant with Monkey, so I am doing well…. but I am still looking forward to not being pregnant anymore. I know how lucky I am and am grateful every day for this baby, I am glad she is safe and well in my tummy and I hope she continues to be so for the next 3 weeks,ย but….

I just don’t enjoy being pregnant.

There, I said it.ย I know some women get a pregnancy glow and feel wonderful when pregnant. I know some women love the additional curves they get when pregnant. I just don’t feel that way. I feel better than I thought I would. Because I am much more mobile than I was in my first pregnancy I haven’t put as much weight on this time round (plus I was a bit slimmer to start with, which has helped). But I still don’t feel like me.

Part of this is because of my SPD/PGP, which while not terrible at the moment, is still uncomfortable and restrictive and because it started at about 6 weeks pregnant I’ve had reduced mobility for about 7 months! It’s also because of just the size you get to when pregnant. Not because I want to be uber skinny, or look like a model (never gona happen) but I don’t enjoy being this big, because I like being an active mum.

Another reason I don’t feel like me is pregnancy brain! I just feel vacant sometimes. Does anyone else feel like that when they are pregnant? Sometimes I am normal. Other times I try to be involved in a conversation but it’s like my mind is a blank. The words go in one ear and out the other and I have no opinion. Nothing to say. I feel so dull! I struggle to blog some days because of this too. I can have a great idea then when I have time to actually write it down, I have no idea what I wanted to write. There has been some dead boring posts lately and for that I apologise.

I am grateful for this pregnancy going so well and I can’t wait to meet our baba…. but I am looking forward to being me again.

What I miss:

I miss being the kind of mum that can run around the garden with Monkey.

I miss being able to just pop to the shops without having to strap myself up with support belts and psyche myself up for the trip.

I miss not being able to just run the hoover round or run around and clean our house.

I miss not being able to lift anything, even the laundry basket!

I miss being able to just get up off the sofa without having to haul myself up with a huge effort.

I miss being able to crawl around the floor with Monkey to play trains etc.

I miss sleeping on my back – my hips, shoulders and back just don’t enjoy sleeping on my side!

I miss being able to use my brain, whenever I want, rather than sometimes feeling like part of my brain has been switched off.

I miss having more choice over my outfits. I am running out of clothes that fit but there is no way I am buying any more maternity outfits now!

In fact I miss my normal body (and smaller boobs!) I look at my body in the mirror and if you take my head off, it could belong to a complete stranger.

Reality check

Now, I am not daft and I know that the day of my C-Section in a few weeks time, a magic wand is not going to be waved. I am not going to get all of these things back immediately. I have C-Section recovery to think about for a start, I certainly won’t be running or leaping or lifting for a while post-surgery. My tummy isn’t going to pop back and be miraculously flat within days (or even weeks). My brain isn’t going to jump back to full speed straight away (especially with the sleep deprivation baby will bring!). My boobs are not going to shrink, if anything they are likely to get bigger if breastfeeding goes well as they got huge last time.

But I guess from that point on things will gradually get better.

I will gradually get more and more mobile and within a couple of months I should be able to be that active mum again. I will be able to run around with Monkey. I will be able to clean the house or pop to the shops at the drop of a hat.

I will eventually get my body back to a level I am happy with. I’m not in any rush for this particularly as there will be more important things on my mind with a new baby, but eventually I will get there.

I will eventually, hopefully, be able to hold a proper conversation. To write the blog post that I want to write, rather than a lacklustre version.

We put ourselves through a lot with pregnancy, mind, body and soul. It is. of course, totally worth it to create a life and to growย our family. But I am glad this pregnancy is nearly over. And I am glad I will soon be feeling more like myself again!

Mama and More

64 thoughts on “Looking forward to being me again

    • Aw best of luck when you do try and I’m sure not everyone feels the way I do – but I do find it best to be honest as I can’t be the only one to feel like this! xx

  1. I suffered with SPD and I was told that it would probably be worse in each pregnancy so I’m pretty scared about baby number 2 (when the time comes)! To hear your not as uncomfortable is reassuring though ๐Ÿ™‚
    I really struggled with my pregnant body too and still have that problem post baby but my daughter is worth it all.
    Good luck and I hope it all goes well xx

    • I know the feeling completely and fear was a huge problem for me at the beginning of this pregnancy. All I can say is get help as early on as you can, my physio was amazing and helped me so much. Doing aquanatal yoga was really beneficial earlier in the pregnancy too! Thank you and same to you! xx

  2. Can I put my hand up and say I really disliked pregnancy too? People look at me a bit odd when I tell them, but I really didn’t enjoy it the way I thought I would. I didn’t glow, I had horrific pains in my boobs every day from 16 weeks, I couldn’t sleep on my front, gah the list goes on and I wont bore you but suffice to say, I appreciate your honesty here. I hope your section goes well and you get back all the things you’ve missed asap. Hugs (careful not to squish you hugs of course!)

  3. You have my complete sympathy!
    After 3 pregnancies I can safely say that it really doesn’t agree with me. I had sciatica with my 1st so badly I could barely walk, I was huge (no really, 4.5st weight gain!). My 2nd was probably my easiest in terms of health (though I was a gibbering wreak as my 1st was stillborn). My 3rd left me a total mess, I could hardly move, I swelled up like a balloon, couldn’t sleep for months etc.
    Pregnancy doesn’t like me and I’m not overly fond of it.
    Having said that, the old clichรฉ is true, the moment you hold them in your arms it’s worth every second.
    Good look with the final weeks and the c-section – happy times ahead!

    • Oh my goodness you really did not have an easy time of it did you? I can;t imagine going through so much and having to deal with a stillbirth, definitely one of my worst nightmares! You’re right that it is worth it when you get to hold that baby in your arms, but pregnancy and I don;t get on too well either! Thank you! xx

  4. I enjoyed being pregnant so much more the second time, I think because I was ready and prepared for all the changes, which I hated the first time round. Having said that being pregnant when you have already have a child/ children is just relentless. I’ve never known tiredness like it and like you I hated not being able to run around and play with my then 2yo. Not long to go now, do try and enjoy it a little though, as it is a special time. Good luck xx

    • Thanks lovely, I’ve done better this time round too and I think you’re right, knowing what you’re in for has a lot to do with it… but I will still be glad when it is over and she is safe in my arms instead of in my tummy! ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  5. I actually didn’t mind being pregnant too much, although by the third time I’d had enough! But, I couldn’t wait to be not pregnant again, I hated feeling so heavy and immobile towards the end, that bit is really not fun ๐Ÿ™‚ Good luck with the next few weeks, I found it such a relief to have that date booked in x #allaboutyou

    • That is pretty much how I feel right now but it is good to know the end is in sight, you’re right! Thanks lovely xx

  6. Very honest post. I must admit I loved being pregnant, but it is interesting to read how pregnancy can affect people very differently and reading about things you can’t do at the moment I can understand why you are looking forward to your baby being here in more ways than one! x

    • Thank you and I’m glad it is an enjoyable experience for you, we really do all experience it differently and I think it helps to be honest about that, I would love to love being pregnant but I really just don’t! xx

  7. I’ll admit I’m one of the annoying people who loves being pregnant but even then I think there comes a point for all of us when we’re just ready to get on with it, to meet the baby and to start the next chapter – usually about two weeks before I actually give birth!!

    • Aww that’s ok, my best friend had the easiest pregnancy ever and loved it so I know it is possible, it just doesn’t seem to agree with me somehow! I think you;re right though that by the end most of us are looking forward to the next stage, even if it has been a good pregnancy! xx

  8. ahhhh Caroline 3 weeeeeeeeks!!!!! I wonder if its because you now have a date that things are feeling so much more blah with being pregnant? I found that once I started counting down to the specific date I couldn’t wait for it to be over and like you looked forward to getting back (or starting the journey to getting back) to the regular me.

    Not long though lovely you can do it ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx

    • I think you are right and that probably has something to do with it – something about being so near and yet so far lol! the weeks are flying by though and just need to knuckle down and get through it! xx

  9. Ah Caroline, I guess it’s a bit like my mum saying that although childbirth is probably the worst pain you’ll ever know it’s a good pain because you know there’s a very beautiful and finite end to it! I know what you mean though – I remember those last weeks and days of heavy pregnancy and feeling desperate to get back to normal! Not long now hon, hang in there! #sharewithme

    • Thanks lovely, it’s so true, just want to get there now as I know it will be worth it, just feels very tiring at the moment! xx

  10. If it’s any consolation at all, I could have written this blog post. I didn’t especially enjoy either of my pregnancies for lots of complicated reasons and I recognise pretty much everything you are saying about looking forward to being you again too.
    Not long now, and the next chapter will begin xx

    • Ah thank you Iona it really does help to know I’m not alone in not particularly enjoying being pregnant! The countdown is on! xx

  11. Oh Caroline, I really didn’t enjoy pregnancy either! I often said that if I could just have had the baby handed to me, I’d have had ten. Newborns were a breeze compared to the bit that came before. I’m glad you are keeping well though, and can’t actually believe it’s nearly time!xxx #sharewithme

    • Oh my goodness I know, I always liked the idea of having 3 or 4 kids, but honestly I’m not sure I can go through any more pregnancies! Thank you lovely and glad I am not the only one who feels like this! It really has gone so fast so that is something to be grateful for! xx

  12. Oh lovely lady I feel your pain, as I felt the same at the very end of all my pregnancies. No matter how much you want the baby and how excited you are, by the very end you just want it all to be over with. Not long now… try and enjoy as much time with Monkey and Hubby as you possibly can, because life will change completely and utterly when your little girls is finally here. HUGE HUGS xxx #brilliantblogposts

    • Thank you lovely and it really is that end stage isn’t it… but I am also really nervous as I know life is going to be very different once she is here too! Eek! xx

  13. Pregnancy can be really tough. Don’t beat yourself up about not being yourself, hun! You are such an amazing mummy for your little Monkey! xxxx

  14. I am seriously the worlds worst preggers person in the world ever times ten. You can’t be worse than me. It does get better and if anything physically I bounced back a bit quicker the second time. And I had a c section. Not long now! Eek! x

  15. Don’t ever apologize for hating being pregnant it’s not easy for everyone to be pregnant it can be a really exhausting, sick, painful experience as you well know. It’s a long time to give ourselves up and being ovens for our precious baby. Our identity goes out the window for sure. I can’t say the brain will come back I am still blaming baby brain 12months on for my lack of intelligence. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

    • Thank you Jenny, just hate being a moaner and I know not everyone gets it but it can be so hard! haha yeah maybe thinking my brain will come back is purely wishful thinking!! xx

  16. A brilliant post lovely, so honest as well. People think pregnancy is a wonderful and easy thing but it’s not. Pregnancy has never been easy for me, prem labour, underweight baby, SPD, blood clots, placenta abruption, emergency c-section, baby in NICU. So can totally relate to how you are feeling. Just think the light is at the end of the tunnel! And it will get better

    Laura x x x


    • Thank you and my goodness you really have not had it easy. I’s such a different experience for everyone and for some of us it really is not a bed of roses! Thank you I know, so close to her arrival now! xx

  17. I sympathise with you entirely – I remember those last few weeks very well, all so frustrating and everyone saying “make the most of it, you’ll be rushed off your feet when baby is born”. Quite honestly, it’s better than being pregnant! I had c-sections and you will recover quickly. Poor you having to cope with SPD throughout your pregnancy, at least that will be eased straight away. Best of luck to you and baby x

  18. oh i feel for you at least the end is near, the last few weeks are so hard and seem to go so slow, i felt the same is it wrong that with a 3 year old, 2 year old and 7 month old i miss it tho?

  19. I know exactly what you mean. I miss me too. This pregnancy has not been easy for me from the word go and I am ready to be done. But I am also going to miss my bump and being pregnant a lot. There is no pleasing me at all! I can’t wait to hold baby though, and I can’t wait to read your birth announcement too! x x x

    • Bless you hon I know, you really havent had an easy time of it! Won;t be long til we have our gorgeous babas in our arms! xx

  20. Ah! The wisdom of a second pregnancy! I felt like this after my first, was sick of feeling massive and while I was fairly active throughout, I just felt like a house. BUT i genuinely though that as soon as I’d sneezed Reuben out I’d be back on the treadmill. Hahaha! What a doosh! I didn’t give the remotest of sh*ts for at least 3 months, by which time I was happily suprised how much I’d lost thanks to breastfeeding and general exhaustion!

    You’ll be you again soon, lovely. So soon!!! xxx #AllAboutYou

    • haha yes I definitely know wat to expect and what not to expect with the recovery this time! No unrealistic expectations ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  21. Just be kind to yourself lovely, I know it’s so hard and the pressures we put on ourselves and from society are so tough but you’re right, it’s a big thing-pregnancy. I loved having time to me when the newborn slept and Oliver was in nursery-just for a long bath or to head to the hairdressers or a quick coffee, even an hour a week made a huge difference, accept lots of help! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts

  22. Pingback: Making the most of the baby days | Becoming a Stay at Home Mum

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