Operation Garden Renovation

Posted by Caroline Elliott

The first breaths of spring are in the air and it is time to venture into the garden and start our mission to make it better.

Our back garden is a mess.

When we moved into our house a couple of years ago there was a LOT that needed doing throughout (that’s why we got it so cheap!). We have done a lot – we have a new kitchen, bathroom, put in a shower-room downstairs and have decorated almost every room (one left, more on that to come later this year :)). We’ve also started on the outside stuff but the inside was our main focus. The time has come though to take control and make our garden somewhere we actually want to be rather than just a mess that gives us the shivers!

Like I say though, we have done some things since we moved in. When we moved in, the front garden looked like this:

Now it looks like this (excuse the hippo bag and the bin :)) It’s not perfect but a darn sight better.

The back garden was different too as there was some huge and ugly, badly maintained conifers all the way round, sucking the life and light out of the garden. There was also masses of Ivy, everywhere! (not the best pictures, this was mid-way through having the trees taken down).

We’ve had the conifers down and were sort of waiting for the soil to rejuvenate a bit to do much more. This time has allowed us to think about what we want from the garden and basically we have decided that the thing to do is just to get rid of everything. EVERYTHING.

The rotting shed that is full of cardboard and spiders (shudder).

The awful arbour thingy that cuts the patio in half.

(In the background of this photo you may see a bit of yellow hose pipe – the previous owners ran electric cable through the hosepipe to give electricity to the shed! Bonkers!!!)

The patio itself that is uneven, weed filled and has no drainage meaning that a lake forms by the back doors whenever it rains (that can’t be good for the foundations).

The lawn that is basically just moss and weeds and the flower beds that are huge and now just full of weeds, tree stumps and Ivy.

Oh and all the other random rubbish that the previous owners have just dumped in the garden.

Doesn’t it just look delightful? Exactly what you want in a garden (eye rolls)!

Late summer last year we tried to get quotes from contractors to do the hard work for us, but most of them never got back to us, and one who did gave us a ridiculous quote and didn’t seem that keen. We realised nobody actually wants to do this for us so we are going to have to do it ourselves (with the help of our brothers – hubby and I have 4 between us, yay!) so this is the start of Operation Garden Renovation, I will let you know how we get on!! 🙂

Mammasaurus and How Does Your Garden Grow?

Welcome to my new website!

Posted by Caroline Elliott

I did it! I finally got all of the ideas that have been buzzing around in my head for so long, out of my head, and into the form of a website!

I’ve had an idea of what I would like my website to look like for ages. But I had no clue how to do it. I’ve tried a few different free themes that have been ok but I always knew they weren’t perfect. It wasn’t something I wanted to spend any money on as I didn’t know if it was any good or worth spending any money on.

This year things have changed a bit, in that since I have joined Twitter I have become much more a part of the wonderful blogging community that I had previously shied away from. I wish now that I had got more involved in this community sooner but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Since joining twitter, and discovering Linkys and Blog hops, the traffic to my site has increased and I have received some truly wonderful comments that have boosted my self-confidence no end and made me feel that what I am writing is worthwhile.

Then my lovely hubby offered to pay for a site redesign as my birthday present in April. He had offered before but I’d always turned him down as it seemed a waste of money, but as a birthday present it seemed more reasonable. At first, I said yes, then the control freak inside got the better of me. I had such a strong idea of how I wanted it to look that I was scared of never being 100% happy with the way someone else interpreted that idea.

So I started having a play around. I took some photos for a potential header background. I have been getting to grips with PicMonkey and have had lots of fun editing and creating with their free software.

screenshot 2

This turned out better than I thought it would and I got excited, then hubby got excited with me. He is great at web design and used to do a lot of it, but he doesn’t have time in his current role so only dabbles occasionally. But the great thing for me is that he knows how to do it all. He understands CSS and knows the language to use to make things happen. This all just looked like gobbledegook to me before! So we found a very simple theme that wasn’t perfect, but that he assured me we could make into the vision in my head.

Hubby works so hard and has a demanding job so I have felt awful being demanding of him in the evenings too. I’ve also felt frustrated that I can’t do much of it, and impatient that it has been taking so long!

But I have been gradually learning bits of CSS too. I by no means know everything, but I know a few things now. I can download a font from t’internet (somewhere like Font Squirrel) and I know how to embed that in the site and use the font. I know how to change the colours, sizing and line spacing. I understand some of how CSS works now and how to find what I want to change and try to change it.

I’ve really enjoyed the process and wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out – but I am so pleased and so happy with the end result. I hope you like it too!

Family Photo Friday – Great Aunty Maggie’s visit

Posted by Caroline Elliott

My Auntie Maggie (who lives in South London) popped up for a brief visit on her way to a walking weekend in the Peak District. So this week’s Family Photo Friday is a couple of pics from a little walk we went on today and Monkey’s fun with his Great Aunty Maggie!

Not sure what they were both so excited about here but I love it.

Having a little run…… and then falling flat! Thankfully he didn’t hurt himself though and got up and dusted himself down 🙂

Family Photo Friday @ Thursday's Child, Friday's Thoughts

Pink is for Girls – #ThePrompt

Posted by Caroline Elliott

The Prompt is a fantastic link up designed to inspire you to write, brainchild of the lovely MumturnedMom. This week’s Prompt is:

Pink is for girls.

I’ve written about this a little bit before – when I was musing about toys in particular in my post ‘different toys for girls and boys‘ and honestly that post opened up a whole world of ideas and thoughts and questions in my busy brain.

So many thoughts that it’s difficult to extract them one by one and write them down but I will give it a go. I apologise in advance for going off at tangents!

Gender stereotypes exist in our culture. They have ALWAYS existed. Will they always continue to do so? The nature of said stereotypes have varied from culture to culture at different times. There have been matriarchal societies and patriarchal societies with each gender fulfilling different roles and therefore the gender stereotyping in that particular culture has reflected this.

Yikes I feel like I am back in cultural studies at Uni, or worse my boring Sociology A level!

Our culture has a long history of the subordination of women. Of women not having equal rights to men. We have thankfully come a long long way forward with this and many things are much more equal now. But, even with the increased freedom and the rights that women have, we still have Gender Stereotypes. There are still ‘manly’ things and ‘girly’ things. It starts when you are tiny. Pink and Blue. Cars or Dolls. Etc.

A girly toy?

There’s a part of me that rebels against this, and as I have mentioned in my previous post Monkey plays with all sorts of toys, girly or otherwise. His bedroom is yellow. We don’t want to stereotype him. BUT we dress him in trousers and not skirts. Some of his clothes have dinosaurs or trucks on them because that is what is sold as ‘boy’ clothing. If we have a little girl I’m sure she’ll wear a lot of his hand me downs (to save money) but no doubt she will have some prettier things too.

There was an article not too long ago about parents who dressed a little boy in a Tutu and said they were trying to raise him as ‘gender neutral.’ Part of me thinks ‘good for you’ while another part of me feels sorry for the little boy, because is it really possible to raise your child in a gender neutral way, when the society we live in is not gender neutral? Is it fair on them to expose them to potential ridicule by parts of society rather than to protect them from it?

I am all for men and women working having the same rights. I am all for stay at home dads or working mums, of female CEOs and male nursery nurses (I am just coming up with some random examples here). No I don’t like stereotypes that pigeon hole people, I don’t want Monkey growing up in a world where something ‘girly’ is bad. I don’t want him thinking that girls are less intelligent than boys (as a SAHM I worry about his female role models) or that boys are less caring or sensitive than girls. My hope is that I can nurture him so he feels he can be whatever he ‘wants’ to be, rather than what society tells him he should be.

But it’s not entirely up to me. I can’t keep him cocooned in a world of my making. He watches TV and will read books and magazines that portray the stereotypes I hate. He interacts with other children who have their parents’ values. I know of parents who use the gender stereotype of ‘boys will be boys’ to gloss over the fact that they are aggressive or hit other children. Or on the flip side when a girl turns on the taps at the slightest knock and are immediately cuddled and cooed over because they are a girl.

I don’t want monkey to be aggressive or over-sensitive. He usually laughs when he falls over (unless he really hurts himself) and he is learning that hitting is always wrong – even if someone else hit you first. But it isn’t my place to enforce my values on other parents and their children. (Who even says that I am right and they are wrong? I certainly don’t know for certain!) Everyone has to do what they believe is right and because of the gender stereotypes embedded in our culture, many parents teach their children (maybe even unintentionally?) that they are correct. I can try and teach him why I believe them to be wrong, but I can’t choose what he believes or decide his opinions for him.

Should our society even be gender neutral? Men and Women are different. Our bodies and physiology are different. In the broadest terms we do have ‘different’ skills. Men are often physically stronger than most women. Women have the physical ability to produce children and breastfeed. We are physically different, and men and women are ‘said’ to have different cognitive abilities. Such as multi-tasking, or spacial awareness (though of course things like this vary from person to person and can’t always be simplified down to one gender does this, another does this. maybe that’s the point?). We are different so why not celebrate that and be proud of the gender we are?

I also wonder where it ends, should we all wear the same androgynous clothing? Have the same haircuts? Should none of us (men or women) wear clothes that flatter our figures? Should we not care about looking nice? That opens up a whole other avenue of thoughts and do we only care about looking nice because of the objectification of bodies and the sexualisation of our culture and I guess the two are linked but I won’t go down that road for now!

I rejoice at the small steps taken by groups such as “Let toys be toys” which tries to take away some of the gender stereotyping that influences our children from such a young age. But I feel that these are just tiny chinks in a huge wall that will take many years to knock down. I also worry about what happens when the wall is down? What are we left with?

I don’t know the answers and if I’m honest what I think about it isn’t really fully formed. i guess some kind of middle ground… but what would that consist of and who decides?

Interesting debate though eh? What do you think? Is pink for girls?

Word of the week – Imperfection

Posted by Caroline Elliott

This week I have been thinking a lot about

My own imperfection that is! It’s all too easy to wear rose tinted glasses with my blog. To show the world only the good things that happen in our house and my life. But that isn’t the full story, it’s not the Truth. And I don’t think it helps anyone.

I started this blog, partly to occupy myself, partly to share my experiences with the world in the hope that I may be able to help another mummy going through similar life changes as me. If I pretend that everything is hunky dory, that every baking attempt goes well, that every playtime idea is a success, I’m putting forward a false picture of my life.

So this week has been about taking off those rose tinted glasses and saying yup I am an imperfect person. I fail sometimes. I have bad days. I am human. So I pick myself up, dust myself down, forgive myself for my failings and try to learn something so that I may be more successful next time. You can read more about this here and here, if you want to 🙂

What’s your Word of the Week?

First signs of Spring

Posted by Caroline Elliott

This winter has been wet and cold and miserable. I think most people would agree with that. Which is why I was so relieved to have a sunny day on Sunday. This meant we could get out in the garden, and to my delight there are some beautiful Spring flowers starting to appear.

Just a few lovely crocuses but it reminds me that this horrible wet winter is nearly over and hopefully we’ll all have a bit more sunshine and colour in our lives very soon

My father in law gave us some bluebells to plant recently (my favourite flower) so we made the most of the sun this weekend to get them in the ground and start to have a bit of a tidy up in the front garden. The back garden…..is a whole other story so there’ll be more on that soon!

Monkey really enjoyed being in the garden and even tried to help with the digging! Good boy!

I’m not much of a gardener but his daddy is so he must get that from him!

I can’t wait for these beautiful Bluebells to flower! There’s a little bit of woodland called Bluebell Woods not too far away and I try and pop over there every spring to see the carpet of Bluebells in bloom. I’m sure I will still go, but I’m looking forward to seeing some beautiful Bluebells in our own garden too 🙂

To close, here is a picture of Bluebell Woods from a few years ago. One of my favourite places in Spring.

The Stick Collector

Posted by Caroline Elliott

We were out and about on Saturday. We popped to a local garden centre where we are members so get offer on lunches etc. After lunch we started to walk home but our bossy little Monkey kept disagreeing with us about which way to go. As we weren’t in a particular hurry we let him be in charge for a little while so we headed in the direction of our local country park, Ferry Meadows, which we go to a lot because it’s close and there’s lot to do.

Anyway we were walking along (thankfully the rain had passed for a bit) and we suddenly realised that Monkey was carrying a lot of sticks. Now he loves sticks, it’s not rare for him to get quite attached to sticks. They are regular companions on walks, they are a great motivational tool if he doesn’t want to walk any further (wow, come look at this stick!) and I constantly seem to find bits of stick at home, in our shoes, down the back of the sofa, etc.

What was unusual though was the quantity of sticks. So we watched for a bit and realised he was collecting them. Every time he passed a stick he picked it up! With the crazy weather of late (especially the mental winds on Friday night) I’m sure you can imagine there was a loooot of sticks about! It was so cute to see him problem solving with each new one, finding a way to keep hold of them all while picking another one up. Daddy and I thought it was brilliant 🙂

The funniest bit was when all of a sudden he sort of looked at the sticks as if to say to himself “What AM I doing?” and then dropped them on the floor and continued his walk. So funny.

A little while later he started collecting again, and the same cycle continued. He then tried to pick up a huuuge stick, then found one that was about his size and was content to use just that one for a while.

Daddy thinks he looks like Moses in this pic! he he

We went all the way to Ferry Meadows but then the winds were getting up, the clouds were starting to look a bit foreboding, it was nearly naptime and Monkey had done a poo. Despite all of this Monkey still didn’t want to go home so we had to strap in the buggy (with a lot of protesting) and thankfully a couple of little sticks kept him entertained most of the way home 🙂 Just in time as the heavens opened within a few minutes of getting home! Monkey was obviously very tired after all that problem solving and stick collecting as he slept for 3 hours and we had to wake him up! 🙂

Blog your heart out

Posted by Caroline Elliott

I never even knew what a Meme was until recently and had no idea how they worked! I do now though and have been nominated by the very lovely brummymummyof2 for Blog Your Heart Out – so here it is, my first Meme!

What/Who encouraged you to start blogging?

My mother in law suggested it first. She taught me how to crochet and after reading some lovely crochet blogs suggested maybe I start one to talk about crafty things. It was around the time that hubby and I watched the film Julie/Julia. Not seen it? WATCH IT – it’s hilarious and basically following the journey of someone starting a blog (about Julia Childs) who gets famous from it. It is so funny and so that combination inspired me to start a blog of my own – though I decided to write about mummy things rather than just crafty things.

How did you choose what topics to blog about?

I started the blog basically at the time I decided not to go back to work so the thought of becoming a SAHM terrified me slightly. I’ve also found since being a mummy there is so much that people don’t talk about. So many friends with kids glossed over the bad bits, then when I was feeling like I must be a failure for finding it so hard, the truth finally came out about how they had been through similar things but hadn’t wanted to admit it at the time. So I decided my blog would be about the ups and downs of finding my feet as a SAHM in the hope that some of the things I write may hopefully make even one other mummy feel less alone. It’s adapting as Monkey grows but it’s basically about whatever is happening in my life right now.

What is something most people don’t know about you?

I just wrote a few facts in a recent post, so something else…. erm I have two fairly large tattoos on my back and would love another, just never seem to get round to it!

What three words describe your style?

I would like to think Fun, Honest and Non-Judgemental (if that counts as one word? :))

What do you like to do when you aren’t blogging?

Other than looking after Monkey and trying to keep on top of the housework??? Oh you said Like, right! I love reading, all sorts but I love historical fiction the most these days. I have been learning to crochet which I find very relaxing and love attempting to bake, sometimes more successfully than others! I love catching up with my friends (sans child) as it reminds me that I am still me. And of course family time with hubby and monkey just makes my heart smile 🙂

So now it’s my turn to do some nominating! The five lucky bloggers are:

Emma at Farmer’s Wife and Mummy

Jenny at Let’s Talk Mommy

Mama H at Thursday’s Child, Friday’s Thoughts

Mummy Bear at Slave to my Toddler

and last but not least Jocelyn at The Reading Residence

WotW – Organised

Posted by Caroline Elliott

As usual this week has been many things, mainly lovely, ever so slightly bonkers but there has been a lot of time spent being:

Blog Planning

I started off the week trying to create a weekly blog plan – listing all the linkys I like to link to and planning what post I want to link up with them. I feel like I’m a bit ad hoc and chasing my tail sometimes with my blog and I’m a planner by nature so I don’t like it much! 🙂 It helps me work out roughly what I want to write and when I want to write it which helps.

We’ve also been looking at theme design, I’ve had some ideas in my head ever since I started this blog and this theme (and the one before it) were only meant to be temporary. I’ve finally got those ideas on paper and made a start down the road of theme design – so watch this space!

Accounts

It’s time to do hubby’s business accounts so this week I have been buried in bank statements and the accounts software. It’s pretty simple data entry for the most part but time consuming so I do a little every month and then reconcile every quarter. Not huge amounts of fun but I like to do it so hubby doesn’t have to.

Surprise Treats

I’ve also been having another look at our accounts and at first I couldn’t work out why we had a bit of spare money in the account (we have 2 accounts, one for all the bills to go out of, and one for the monthly spending so we are always know where we are) then I remembered we are in that lovely time of year where we get a break from paying council tax! Wahoo!

I went out for dinner with some friends last night and fancied a new top (I hardly ever treat myself to new clothes) so because we had some spare money I bought one 🙂 I also bought monkey some new play-doh tools and more paints as there is 20% off craft supplies at ELC at the mo.

So a bit of organisation pays off sometimes. I wish I could get more organised with the housework though haha! 🙂

Happiness & Marriage #ThePrompt

Posted by Caroline Elliott

The quote for The Prompt this week is all about happiness

Happiness is anyone and anything at all, that’s loved by you. You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown

I guess it means that the person they are talking about is so wonderful that anyone or anything that is loved by that person can’t help but be happy as a result of that love.

I’ve also learned that this week is Marriage week and with Valentine’s Day coming up (we don’t actually do Valentine’s day, I have nothing against it, it’s just not for us) I wanted to write a post about Love and Marriage, and I felt that the two things actually combined rather well. I will try not to get too soppy though 🙂

Girly fun at Glastonbury 2009

For most of my twenties I had been happily independent, enjoying life and was for the most part single. But I knew what I wanted long term – which was to have a family, so I kissed a lot of frogs. I mean a LOT of frogs. I tried online dating and all sorts in my quest to meet a decent guy. I was even engaged once when I was younger. But I put up with some serious c**p from boyfriends. There’s been lazy ones, selfish ones, rude ones. I’ve been cheated on and been made to feel pretty worthless. And I put up with it. Why? Because I didn’t really believe in happily ever after, or one true love.

I liked the idea of it but was pretty cynical. I’ve always been one to look for the best in people, to give them the benefit of the doubt and to make the best of a situation. I always assumed that relationships were hard work and that you had to put up with some things (not the cheating or making you feel worthless – I never put up with that for long!) and that you would never get close to perfection in a partner. (I really don’t believe there’s any such thing as perfect in anything in life, but I’ll save that for another post!)

But by the time I met my hubby I was starting to despair somewhat and even called myself Terminally Single. So when my mum broached the idea of a blind date, instead of saying no as I had in the past, I said ‘why not? he can’t be worse than the guys I choose for myself.’ The rest, is history (You can read more about how we got together here if you want 🙂 )

Now? I am a bit of a convert. I am still cynical about a lot of things but I really believe my hubby is as close to being my perfect match as it is possible to get. I also think that we met at the right time and that had we met earlier (before the kissing of many frogs) I wouldn’t have appreciated how wonderful he is.

He is my best friend and he really is my ‘other half’. We very often think (and sometimes even say) the same things. We talk to each other about everything, and believe there’s no problem in our marriage that can’t be helped by talking about it. There’s nothing I can’t say to him, no matter how stupid I fear that it sounds. He’s the one person I know I can be 100% myself with, ho holding things back. In fact we are seriously rubbish at surprising each other as we are pants at keeping secrets from each other and very often give the game away – it’s the thought that counts though hehe.

Having a good old boogie together at my brother’s wedding. We’re both a bit loony I think!

We bicker occasionally but don’t really argue very often. We laugh together a lot. We support each other and the things we want to achieve – independently and together. I couldn’t imagine my life without him, which is a real biggy for someone who prided herself on her independence just a few years ago!

We want the same things out of life and have the same attitudes about a lot of important things, such as saving money and not using credit if we can avoid it. We agree on the way we want to raise our children (the number of children we don’t agree on yet but we will come to a compromise) and the importance of family in our lives.

Early days of parenthood…

No relationship is perfect, and we both have lazy tendencies so sometimes there is a bit of nagging that goes on and as we are both novices at this parenting lark we have disagreements about the day to day stuff, although they rarely last long. How best to get Monkey to sleep, how to get him to eat better, how/when should we introduce discipline. We don’t have all the answers and we don’t always agree but we muddle through and figure it out together. Our marriage is a partnership.

As a stay at home mum it’s sometimes hard to feel equal in that partnership, to feel that I am contributing as much as he is. I was so used to doing everything for myself that to have my hubby work so hard so I can stay at home to raise our Monkey was (and still is) a massive challenge for me. But I have to not focus on that or worry too much. I know, deep down, that both contributions are equal, just different. I try to do lots of little things that make hubby’s life a bit easier (I do some of his business accounts and other bits and bobs) and he does the same for me (like helping with the housework and with monkey so I can have me-time).

I’m very lucky that he recognises that being a SAHM isn’t an easy job and although I often feel like doing all the housework should be my responsibility as I am at home, he doesn’t, and he helps where he can. He NEVER asks the question ‘what have you been doing all day?’ even when he comes home to the house in a state and a dinner out of the freezer. He understands why there is usually a huge pile of washing to sort and why I often put writing this blog before housework in my list of priorities.

We appreciate each other and, fundamentally we are happy.

There’s a scene I love in the Sex and the City film (I am a huge fan!) where Samantha asks Charlotte how often she feels happy in her relationship and she says “Every day. Not all day, every day, but every day.” I love that line and that’s how I feel too. Not every day is amazing (that would be impossible), we have our downs as well as our ups, but there is always something, even if just one thing, every day that makes me happy in our marriage and with our life.

I know I am very lucky and hope I will never take my hubby or our marriage for granted, because I know how hard it was to find him.

At his work Christmas Party in December

Why don’t you join in with The Prompt by Mum Turned Mom? Or share your Marriage post with 3 Children and it.

Becoming a Stay at Home Mum

Can I really do this?

Life

Operation Garden Renovation

Welcome to my new website!

Family Photo Friday – Great Aunty Maggie’s visit

Pink is for Girls – #ThePrompt

Word of the week – Imperfection

First signs of Spring

The Stick Collector

Blog your heart out

WotW – Organised

Happiness & Marriage #ThePrompt