Starting to think about baby number 2…. yipes!

My brothers and I

Yep, we think it is time to think about maybe trying for a second baby. We’ve always known that we would like more than one child, but have had lots of discussions over the years about exactly how many kids we would like, and how close we would like them to be in age. Hubby has always been clear that he would like 3 children (we were both middle children in families with 3 children) whereas I am a bit more unsure of whether 2 or 3 is the right number. I’ve always thought 3 children just made things a bit more complicated, holidays, car size etc… but loved being one of 3 kids too so just really unsure whether to go with heart or head.

Hubby and his brothers

Age wise, we initially thought 2 years apart was about the right age gap… but after a difficult first pregnancy we realised we would need Monkey to be a little older, perhaps 2 1/2 – 3 when a sibling is born, just as he needs to be a bit more self sufficient. If my next pregnancy is anything like my first, I am unlikely to be able to do anywhere near as much with him as I do now. How difficult I find the next pregnancy will also potentially decide whether we stop at 2 children or have any more, as it depends how much I am willing to put my body through.

So what made my first pregnancy so hard? Well I have been writing about it but I think it deserves a post all to itself so there will be more of that to follow!!

Learning to be a mummy

The other thing to think about is how hard will it be with two? Monkey is at such a lovely age now, he is a lot more independent and very much a toddler rather than a baby. We are still waiting for words but he is a lot more communicative so hopefully it won’t be too long now. So the thought of going back to baby days scares me I have to admit. I am hoping that it is a little easier second time round, as you have done it once. There should be less of the rabbit in the headlights look that you get the first time, right? There will also be Monkey there for the baby to be entertained by and me to have fun with which I am hoping will make it less lonely than the first time round?

Sleepless nights

But going back to sleepless nights, breast feeding (and the lovely changes to your body that come with it) or maybe formula feeding, possibly sleep training again, then weaning….. It was hard enough the first time round, particularly the first 3 months I found, but maybe that’s just because Monkey had colic?

Am I ready to do it all again? Well, I have realised that I am as ready as I will ever be and that’s the key thing. I am certainly more ready than I was with Monkey as at least I know what to expect next time and have some experience. But I survived it before, and came out with a gorgeous, happy healthy little boy, a marriage intact and a happy smile on my face so I am sure I can do it again as I so want Monkey to have a sibling.

It’s funny to think about our family changing, our happy little unit of 3 will hopefully become a 4. How will the next baby’s personality evolve our family dynamic. It’s quite exciting to think about actually. Hubby was looking at some pre-monkey photos today and said he can’t remember the days when it was just us two. Will we feel like that about the days before baby 2 in a few years? Only time will tell I guess!

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Our little family

This is of course assuming that we will be able to get pregnant easily again, when there is no telling really. It happened much faster than we thought it would last time so this time we need to be prepared for that, but also prepared for it to take some time as you never know and we don’t want to stress about it… so I guess watch this space! We will have to wait and see what 2014 brings.

How did you find the change going from one child to two? Was it harder or easier than you thought?

Struggling with Shyness – 18 months old

Posted by Caroline Elliott

I’ve written Monkey’s current age in the title but this has been going on for a while really, on and off. At the moment though he does seem to be going through a particularly shy patch. It seems strange as he is quite brave in many ways, he’ll go down pretty big slides by himself, likes climbing and doing all sorts, but for some reason he is just really shy of people at the moment.

For quite a while now if we bump into someone when we are out, or a new person comes to the house, or even if someone just walks past us when we are out he will run to me, cuddle in close and bury his head in my neck. If he can’t get to me, he will absolutely bawl until I come to him and then he does the head bury. He hasn’t always been like this, he has come in and out of shy stages but it’s not been as bad as this before. I realised that it was particularly bad this time, as this morning, while we were out on our walk, I noticed that when he is in his buggy and sees a person (and they can be pretty far away) he will lean as far back in his seat as he can and scrunch his eyes as tightly closed as possible! Or sometimes he will cover his eyes with his hands for ages, sneaking the occasional peep to see if they are still visible.

He’s always been slightly wary in new places, staying firmly at my side, and has definitely been a clingy boy. He is definitely wary of older children too. I have read some people say their shy toddler is fine with other children, but not Monkey. He is better with children he knows but even then he tends to back away of they get to close or try and engage him but I’ve figured that most of this is just down to his age.

He is much better with family, we have made a conscious effort to make sure he sees both sets of grandparents once a week and his uncles and aunts as often as possible to make it easier on all of us! And it definitely has worked, thankfully he is happy to be with all his grandparents without me or daddy, and he even played with two of his uncles the other week while hubby and I did some jobs. But, my aunt was out of the country for a while and when she came to visit again, even though my mum was there too, I popped out of the room and he screamed his head off. It took him ages to warm up to her. She stayed with us most of the day and he was fine in the end, even giving her lovely cuddles but it took some time.

To help with this, especially in the run up to Christmas he has a little photo album of family and friends we see regularly. He loves this album and can spend ages poring over it. He loves pointing at all the pictures while I say each persons name. It definitely does help as he hadn’t seen my older brother for a few weeks, but after seeing pictures of him in the album he was really happy to play with Uncle Paul and even be left alone with him for a short while so that’s good. Helps with people he sees intermittently.

But it can be so hard. I have read that you shouldn’t label them as shy or make a fuss out of the behaviour or say they are being silly. While that makes sense, it is also is more difficult than it sounds. When I can, whilst he has his head buried I try and tell him that it’s ok, that there’s nothing to be scared of, that mummy isn’t going anywhere and the people aren’t scary. I can’t always do that though if we bump into people who want a conversation, because of course they notice and often ask if he is a shy boy, or I find myself saying he is in a shy stage, almost defensively as I don’t want them to think badly of him. Likewise when people walk past and coo over him or just say good morning, when he is sat in an awkward position with his face all scrunched up, they give him such a funny look that again I want to come to his defence.

Apparently his daddy was shy as a child and never wanted to be left at birthday parties or anything, yet now he is a hugely confident adult so I know it is probably just a phase that he will grow out of. I can’t help but wonder what he would have been like had I gone back to work and he had had to go to a nursery or child-minder, whether that would have helped with shyness, or made it worse? I am a big believer that obviously you can try different things and we shape a lot of the way our children turn out, but that there is also an element of kids just being who they are. They have their own personalities that we cannot, and therefore shouldn’t try to, change.

I guess I will just have to be supportive and accepting and see when/if he grows out of this shy stage. Any of you have shy little ones? Any tips?

Starting to worry about the lack of speech…

Posted by Caroline Elliott

I mentioned a couple of months ago that Monkey hadn’t started speaking yet, and unfortunately the same is still true. He’s not silent by any means, in fact he spends most of the day chatting, it’s just that there is no discernible words yet, and most of it is just ga ga ga, though there all sorts of other sounds too. On one hand I am not too worried as he understands a lot of what we said. He will go and pick things up when we ask him too, he knows to sit down, and understands all sorts of things… but we just aren’t any nearer talking. No that’s not fair, he is speaking more than he was a couple of weeks ago, but I just wish there was at least one word. He doesn’t even say Mummy or Daddy, though he can definitely point to each of us.

I try really hard not to worry but I just can’t help wondering if there is something else I should have been doing with him to encourage him. From day one we have been talking about everything and narrating things we do. We sing a lot and he can do hand movements to some of his favourites songs. We’ve also been reading books with him since he was very small and he just loves being read to and flicking through the books himself. We label things as we point them out and have started asking him if he can say simple words, like cat and ball etc. But so far, nooothing.

I wonder if I haven’t done enough, do I not give him enough attention? Do we watch too much TV? Has that slowed his development? Do we talk too much so he can’t get a word in edgeways?

Like I say I try not to worry, I have researched into it a lot and read lots of things telling me that it isn’t abnormal. He’s very big and as he started walking earlier has been a little advanced for his age, and I read somewhere that if they are more physically advanced, sometimes speech can take a back step and be a little slower to come. I have spoken to so many people who say their child/sibling/friend/nephew was a late talker and then one day they just started speaking and never looked back. There’s lots of people and things telling me it is too early to worry but I can’t help it.

I think that maybe worrying is just part and parcel with motherhood. I know he’ll get there when he’s ready and the last thing I want to do is put pressure on him and make him retreat further. I just hope I haven’t done something wrong and slowed his development down. It’s a lot of responsibility!

Does anyone have any words of comfort? Any late speakers who are now, oh I don’t know, brain surgeons. or astro physicists? (haha) Any advice welcome too, how did you encourage your little ones to say words?

Persuading a stubborn Monkey that he really should wear a hat and mittens…

Posted by Caroline Elliott

As a baba Monkey was fine with wearing hats, but he never liked wearing mittens, so last winter was hard at times as his poor fingers would get so cold! We put mittens on and he would just pull them right off. This year, he doesn’t even like hats, and definitely not mittens! I’m not too surprised as he often needs convincing about ‘new’ items of clothing. At the beginning of the summer he absolutely hated wearing sandals, but he got used to them after wearing them with socks for a while. Then, after a summer of being barefoot or just in sandals, the first time we put socks on again you can see he was thinking “and what, are those things on my feet??!” and he kicked up a fuss. It must be odd for them as their memories just don’t go that far back so even though he has worn them before, it feels like a new thing to him. He eventually got used to socks and shoes .

Monkey happily in a hat age 41/2 months

Monkey happily in a hat, age 9 months

When he had to wear long sleeved tops, jumpers and thick coats he wasn’t impressed either, but he has again got used to them though he still gets cross about long sleeves sometimes.

The hat thing is also our fault a little bit, as we have been playing around putting things on our head and laughing, so he thinks that putting things on your head is silly, even when it’s a hat. So we didn’t manage to get him to wear a sun hat all summer, though occasionally sunglasses did stay on for a few minutes at a time!

Anyway it has obviously been getting colder so the hats and mittens have come out. Hats he screams and pulls until they come off (even if they are done up) and hoods are the same. Unlike other things, there just seems to be no getting used to them. And the first time mittens went near his hands he ripped them off as if they burnt him and threw them away in disgust!

But… we are finally getting somewhere now after some careful persuasion! Full credit for the mittens go to daddy, as he spent quite a long time introducing mittens to monkey whilst in the house, playing with them, putting them on himself and then holding them open for Monkey to put them on himself. Monkey is at that age where he wants to make decisions for himself, so I think this has been a big thing in the fight against hats and mittens, he will not wear them because we want him to, it has to be on his terms!! The first day that Monkey willingly put mittens on outside, and kept them on the whole time, I couldn’t believe it! So like I say, full credit to daddy!

He now realises that they keep his hands much warmer and he is happy to have them on a lot of the time, which is great. Hats have been a lot slower progress, even with trying the same methods as the mittens, we have not got anywhere. However, today we have had a Eureka moment!

It is pretty much freezing here today but my neighbour and I still go for our daily morning walks. As we left the house today I deliberately didn;t try to put Monkey’s hat on until we got to my neighbours house and knocked on the door. While we were waiting I had a chat with him and popped his hat on, and it stayed on!! I think those couple of minutes in the cold, followed by the chat were enough for him to realise that the hat would keep his head warm. Yay! It stayed on the whole time we were out, and when we went out later in the day there was no objection to hat or mittens for the entire time we were out!

So I am a very happy and proud mummy today, and he looks so cute in his hat!! 🙂

Dropping daytime naps at 17 months??? Nooooooo!

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Monkey has been worrying me slightly this week. For a while now we have had an awesome routine, where we are busy all morning and then he naps really well in the afternoon. (And I can get some jobs done, or blog or rest etc.) The amount of time he sleeps can fluctuate quite a bit, but apart from the odd occasion where he only sleeps for 40 mins, he generally sleeps for a good hour and a half at the very least, and most of the time it’s more like 2 and a half hours! Which is amazing. He always sleeps really well overnight too, generally from 7.15 to about 6.30/7am. Sometimes he is still randomly awake (and happy) in his cot at like 8pm, but not often and he usually sorts himself out.

Anyway, it started at the weekend, and on Saturday afternoon he went to bed (seemingly tired) at around 1.45 ish, which is pretty normal, but then didn’t actually go to sleep until nearly 2.40. He was perfectly happy, chattering and giggling so I didn’t worry and he did sleep in the end, it just meant we had to wake him up at 4.30 so it didn’t mess up night time. Anyway then on Sunday, he went for his nap, but DIDN’T SLEEP AT ALL!! Me no likey! He was perfectly happy the whole time, and we kept hoping he would go off to sleep, so he was up there for nearly 2 hours! I guess he was resting at the least but the worrying thing for me was that he was happy the whole time and happy all evening, in other words, he can cope without a daytime nap, WHAT???!!!!

Ok, so I know I am lucky with the routine we have had. It wasn’t always so easy, we did the Ferber progressive wait when he was three months old and it changed our lives, he became a brilliant sleeper. I know it isn’t for everyone and for a long time we didn’t want to try it, but it absolutely worked for us. Anyway, I also know that at some point he isn’t going to need to nap during the day any more and I will have to cope with him being awake all day. But, I have really been hoping that it won’t be for some time yet. I was hoping that in 6 months to a year, when he is happier playing more independently, and using his imagination at playtime, and basically not needing my input or help as much, then I will be able to cope with the no more daytime naps. But 17-18 months seems so early!! I also in the back of my mind thought that no more naps, may coincide with playgroup or something 1 or 2 afternoons a week, but we will see.

All week has been up and down but it has pretty much taken him ages to get to sleep everyday, although Monday and Tuesday he did sleep. Yesterday however, he did it again! No sleep! Just chatting and happy in his cot for about 2 hours. We both got a rest obviously and who knows maybe he did doze a bit, but it’s concerning me a lot. We had had quite an easy day though as his grandparents came round and we were nattering and chatting a lot. So maybe he just wasn’t tired enough?

I took to my good friend Google and searched various forums online and found other mums in the same situation. Some whose children dropped their naps at around this age and never slept in the day again (Yipes!) others where it was just a phase and they carried on putting them down and they just started napping in the day again. (Please please please)

I have decided I am not going to let him drop his naps without a fight, this may seem selfish, but seriously how can he go from a 2 1/2 hour sleep to 0?? No way. So today I have been on a mission to tire him out! We have been out at the shops without the buggy. Interesting and I got laughed at by a passer by when I was trying out a ‘look, don’t touch’ method, but otherwise it was fine and we had fun.

Then after lunch we went for a walk to a local play park. Normally we go in the buggy and it takes about 10 mins to get there. At Monkey speed it took us 40 minutes! Was fun though, and we had a short play at the park then I wanted to come home before he got too tired. I failed in this though as his poor little legs were far too tired for the journey home! I don’t blame him because my legs are tired too! I managed to get him to walk about half way but then had to carry him the rest, and boy is he heavy now!! We came in and started to play a little but he was getting very easily frustrated, which is a clear sign of tiredness with him.

So up he went to bed and after just a couple of minutes chattering he is fast asleep! Phew! So clearly I need to tire him out more to keep this nap, we shall see how it goes. When did your little ones drop daytime naps? How did you cope?

Monkey-led play – 17 months old

Posted by Caroline Elliott

I realised a few days ago that I haven’t had to come up with many new play ideas recently – and the reason is this: Monkey decides what we play with most of the time these days. He is growing up in front of my eyes and has a mind of his own. I don’t want to stifle that so most of the time our playtime is very much Monkey-led. We are still out and about and busy a lot so when we do have playtime at home, it is very much up to him what we do.

We have different things in different areas, all of his brio wooden train stuff is in a red box under a chair, which he can pull out. (He can’t actually build a track yet but he loves playing with his trains on the track) We also have an area behind the sofa with a lot of toys, and they are divided up so he can get his duplo, or his cars etc. He is just learning to put his duplo bricks together now, and he loves cars. There’s a drawer in this area with his puzzles in and another little cupboard with musical toys. I have to say I find having the different areas is such a help when it comes to tidying up at the end of the day! A good way of keeping all the little bits of toys together! I got the idea from a friend who had something similar at their house and it makes life so much better, we are lucky we have the space for it I know. What storage solutions do you have for toys?

Then we have the conservatory where there are crayons and chalk for drawing, and then in a corner of the dining room is his kitchen, we recently got the smallest, cheapest tea set we could find and he is loving learning to pour the tea and stir the tea :).

So it is pretty much up to him. Obviously he is still little, so sometimes I lead him in one direction or other and help him out. The funniest things and the things that keep him the most entertained, are the random toys, which aren’t really toys. When we were clearing out some junk the other day, we randomly found a pack of jumbo playing cards. I think these must have been Hubby’s as I had never seen them before, but he doesn’t remember them either! Anyway they have become one of Monkey’s random fave toys. His favourite game is the 52 card drop haha!

He also, absolutely LOVES putting the cards back into the box for them. I think they call this fine motor skills or something, but whatever, I love it as it shows how good his coordination is getting these days! He can do this for ages (well, ages in toddler-time anyway, we aren’t exactly talking hours :)). I’m also using them to talk about numbers and shapes. He may not understand this much yet but I don’t think it hurts to start early.

The other day monkey managed to find a new box of crayons that I was keeping for him, but I didn’t mind because actually he spent ages with his granddad putting them back in the box neatly, taking them out, and repeating. Kept him entertained for ages which is always brilliant 🙂 They are quite good crayons too actually as you don’t have to put a lot of pressure on them to use them. I thought they may be a bit old for him but actually they seem perfect for him at the moment.

He got into my wool bag the a few days ago too, and although my immediate reaction was ‘noooo!’ I soon relaxed as he found a ball that was already a big jumbled tangled mess, so actually I didn’t mind him playing with that too much. As it was he had great fun pulling it apart and playing with it, very cute 🙂

There are a few playtime things I want to try out with Monkey, but for the most part he is so happy with choosing what he wants to do that it’s nice to encourage his independence and ideas of his own!

Mealtime issues, what has worked (and what hasn’t) for us… so far anyway!

Posted by Caroline Elliott

I know I have written quite a few blogs about mealtimes and the ups and downs so I am writing this blog over quite a long period to try and have, in one place, what we tried, and what worked and what didn’t. I have looked for a lot of advice, and found many people on various forums saying “My toddler won’t eat! What do I do?” So I know I am not alone with these struggles. Friends with older toddlers have also assured me that they have been through this stage and come out the other side and their toddlers are no longer fussy eaters, at least not all of the time!

One thing that I have heard over and over is that if they won’t eat their dinner you shouldn’t make another meal as you are encouraging the fussiness and showing them they can get what they want by kicking up a fuss, and that they don’t have to try food. This worried me so much as Monkey was only about 13 months when the battles started and seemed so young to be not having a meal! Plus I knew I was the one that had to deal with him really cranky and miserable because he is hungry and tired and hasn’t eaten. So I held off from this tactic for ages, out of fear. Maybe I prolonged our problems, maybe I didn’t, who knows?

For ages we had Postman Pat on the TV for every mealtime, even on our phones in restaurants or when we were out, because then he would eat without a fuss. But we knew this wasn’t a solution in the long run. So we stopped using the TV, and moved his chair round to the end of the dining table so he can’t see it during meals. Sometimes were more successful than others, though generally he seemed fine with with the no TV part but was still hugely fussy with foods other than his favourites (fish fingers, baked beans, peanut butter, toast). Occasionally we will put some music on to help keep him occupied as boredom can affect how long he wants to stay at the table. We try and mix it up with nursery rhymes, classical and pop (he really likes Katy Perry haha).

One day we decided to go for it and if he didn’t eat his dinner then we wouldn’t give him anything else. This was a big step for me but Monkey went to bed without tea and no harm done, he was a bit cranky that night but no worse than he has been before at bedtime. He slept through the night and was fine in the morning. One of my biggest worries was that if he didn’t eat his dinner then he would wake up in the night hungry or something, but I guess he really isn’t a baby any more! It made a huge difference to my train of thought as I stopped trying to force him to eat and I calmed down a lot at mealtimes. Let’s face it they feed off of stress and it only makes situations worse so having a calmer environment is definitely better. Plus I now know that he isn’t going to starve if he doesn’t eat his dinner one night. It’s basically take it or leave it and if he wants to eat then he will, if he doesn’t he won’t.

I’ve also read about offering food you know they like alongside new food. If it’s just new, or something I’m not sure of then he won’t try it. If he has a small portion of something he definitely likes – like sweetcorn fritters, then he is more likely to try the newer food. This definitely helped for a while. The same goes with having either a slice of bread or Pitta Bread with the food. As he likes that and will start to eat and then will usually eventually try the other foods. He eats all sorts of things in pitta bread, our homemade veggie burgers, risotto, curry, anything really! It’s just so weird, I read a lot about toddlers his age being scared of new foods, but for the most part we aren’t trying to get him to eat new foods, it’s meals he has eaten loads of times before, and generally loved. I just don’t understand it, but I am trying really hard not to let my frustrations show as I know that makes things worse.

Like one night, for example, it was a thai curry and I make a really mild one for him. He used to love it, but now it’s like I am trying to feed him something awful. So I gave him a slice of bread which got him started. I then dabbed a bit of his bread in the sauce, and eventually after a lot of screaming and wailing he ate that bit of bread and it was like ooh yeah I do like this, and then hey presto he scoffed the whole plate of potato, chicken and carrot. I don’t even give him the rice anymore as I know he won’t eat it, but he did well! I try to give him a lot of praise when he eats well and then he gets like a yoghurt or some fruit or something if he’s still hungry, I just wish it wasn’t so stressful getting him to try something in the first place! aaaah!

Our rule is that if he tries his food, then we are happy and he has done well. He is allowed to not like things and he will get something else if he tries it. If he won’t try it, then he doesn’t get anything else. I hate doing it but if he really won’t eat any of his food then we let him down and he usually runs off to play while daddy and I finish eating, Though sometimes he tries to take us with him or brings toys for us to help him with and then it is really hard but we have to be firm and make him wait till we finish eating. We really try not to give him any attention when he isn’t eating (so no shouting or telling off or cuddles) but lots of praise when he does eat well.

Urgh since writing the above, I feel like it is 2 steps forward, 1 step back. He hasn’t properly eaten his dinner any evening this week and both hubby and I are getting stressed about it again. Need to try and be stricter on the snacks, or try and change times of eating or something because it is just not working anymore. Even some of the things we knew he liked, such as pitta bread or sweetcorn fritters, he now doesn’t like. So bang goes that plan. It’s just a battle of wills at every mealtime again with him screaming while we try to carry on some semblance of conversation and pretend it isn’t happening, until we eventually let him get down to play. He puts the teeniest bit of whatever it is, into his mouth then spits it out without trying it. We don’t give in and he doesn’t get any pudding or anything else if he hasn’t eaten his dinner but it doesn’t make me feel better.

Hubby doesn’t get in until just after 6, and I know that is quite late for Monkey to be eating but I also like us to have a family meal together. Even at weekends when we eat at around 5.30 we have the same problem. We have lunch at 12, which isn’t usually as much of a problem, (though today it was a nightmare) then a snack at 4, after his nap as he is hungry by then. Then I have to keep him busy as by 5 he seems to want to eat more, but I don’t let him eat after 5, so that he is hungry in time for dinner at 6. He is usually chomping at the bit, crying at the doorgate into the kitchen, or trying to and something to eat at the table, then he gets in his chair, sees what is on his plate, and most of the time he then cries more and tries to get down from his chair. I encourage and coax and talk about how yummy the food is etc and occasionally if he tries something properly, then he will eat it all up. But most of the time, he tries a teeny bit (not really tries, just puts it to his lip and then spits it out) and then screams to be let down. When I eventually let him down he then screams and pulls at me until I go and play with him. Which I don’t do until I finish eating, but it is horrible and stressful trying to eat when he is screaming at me and pulling my arms and clothes.

I try really hard for all of his snacks to be healthy foods, like dried fruit, fresh fruit, cheese, biscuits/treats made with wholegrains and oats etc. He doesn’t really like chocolate so never has that, and only occasionally has some pom bear crisps (which are really low salt). I have been trying to convince myself that it doesn’t matter if he eats a lot of snacks because at least they are healthy snacks (or at least not unhealthy) but the dinner does need to be the main event, and a snack should only be quite small really, so I need to try and be a bit stricter in limiting those maybe.

Right, after the uphill struggle of the weekend which I have written about above, we seem to be back on level ground again. Not sure what happened, whether he was just trying to assert his will, or if he was feeling rotten (he had had a cold for a week or so) but today was so much easier. I didn’t really do anything different… maybe being strict with him over the weekend paid off…. who knows! But he had his normal snacks (he likes sweetcorn fritters again so had those this afternoon, I make them with added veggies to get hidden vitamins in :)) at pretty normal times, and we had a mild curry tonight (which I always give him with bread and milk in case it is too spicy for him) but he did really well. He ate his chickpeas, potato and chicken and a lot of his bread so I was happy with that and he got fruit for pudding. He seems to have had an attitude switch over night… who knows, maybe it will switch back tomorrow!

Other things I have tried include:

Shaped food – for example he has star and moon shaped pasta. He is definitely more interested in this pasta than normal pasta but I can’t say it makes him eat it more often!

Eating from our plated – I know it isn’t ideal but sometimes, randomly, even if we are all eating the same thing (which we do 99% of the time) he will like it if he can eat from our plate, but not from his own. This isn’t always the case though!

Getting him involved in food preparation – I have read quite a few things suggesting you involve a fussy child during the food preparation stage, so they are more interested when it comes to eating it. I feel Monkey is a bit young for that though and it would be way too dangerous having him involved, maybe I just worry too much I don’t know, but I wouldn’t let him loose with a cheese grater and if I tried to get him to stir something I think it would go everywhere! Sometimes though if he is hovering around me while I am trying to sort dinner I will try and give him a little taste of something we are having – like a piece of sausage, or pasta sauce. He will generally reject it initially but sometimes he will go ooh yum, and gobble it up, then it can make mealtimes a bit easier. Emphasis on ‘can’ hehe.

Being massively enthusiastic about the meal – My mum did this actually and I had never really thought about it – I am usually feeling pretty harried and am a bit brusque with him – come on Monkey, dinner time, etc. When you think about it, not really the best way to start a mealtime. So now I make a real effort (and it can be an effort) to be more like ‘wow, look at this yummy food! Mmm this looks so tasty’ as I take it over to the table. It really works if he is paying attention and gets him going mmm mmm along with me.

Tonight we had a combination of all of the above and it was the first time he has happily eaten pasta in sauce in months, so I take that as a small step towards success. I’m not sure there is any easy fix that will stop the problems forever, maybe not until they grow out of this phase a bit, but in the meantime I will just keep trying anything I can think of! I might do a post soon about some of the best recipes I have found to get those veggies and vitamins in them sneakily too!

The rough with the smooth… and good samaritans

Posted by Caroline Elliott

We had a pretty miserable day yesterday and Monkey was not happy no matter what we seemed to do. We had so much whining (which I am afraid to say really grates my nerves) and it all built up to a huge battle of wills at lunchtime. He has been getting fussier and fussier with food again over the last few weeks, I won’t go into too much detail here I have written about mealtime battles before and am writing a longer blog about dealing with food issues so it is all in one place, rather than boring you all with endless blogs about the same thing!

But anyway, yesterday lunchtime was a screaming, wailing nightmare with him refusing to eat his falafel, which I know he loves. We ended up taking him out just to get out of the house, hoping for a change of scene to help. Eventually, after realising he really wasn’t going to get anything else, he took a tiny bite out of the tupperware pot I had transferred it to, and then scoffed the lot because oh yes I really like this. Grrrr Why we had to have half an hour of screaming before this I do not know.

He was really fussy all afternoon after his nap too, though we were definitely being stricter with his food intake yesterday, and he scoffed all of his dinner (yay) but then by bathtime and bedtime he was a real misery guts again. By the time he was in bed both hubby and I had had enough.

This morning he woke up much happier and actually coped pretty well as I carted him around various shops. Unfortunately I had a disaster as I lost my purse this morning, it was in my coat pocket and all I can think is that when I was putting Monkey in the car to come home it must have fallen out as when I got home I could not find it anywhere. I was devastated at the thought of having to go through all of the hassle of cancelling cards and getting a new driving licence etc. So after his snack we dashed back to the last place I knew I had it and checked with the shops and with the security guard who patrols the car park, nothing, I was gutted.

We came home again as my parents were coming round, opened the front door and ouila! My purse was staring up at me! Some lovely lovely good samaritan found it, saw my address on my driving licence and brought it back for me! I was amazed and just couldn’t believe it! She had put her name and number on a little piece of paper so after I had calmed down from the stress of it I gave her a call and thanked her profusely.

The funny thing is that it was like a turning point in my day. After yesterday, and with the miserable weather and with the purse drama I had been feeling so low. But pretty soon after we go home my parents arrived and from then on we have had the loveliest day! Monkey was on top form and back to his old self again, having so much fun with his Nanny and Grandpops it really warms my heart. He then ate his lunch with no fuss whatsoever (yay!) and went out for a play with his grandparents as it stopped raining for a little while. This meant that I got a load of jobs done in the house which made me feel better. I think there is really something in the whole, tidy house, tidy mind thing.

Anyway then home for a bit more of a play and then down for his nap. He was lovely all afternoon and we popped over to his other grandparents house for a brief visit to return a collection of things we had at our house (including Granny’s umbrella, which she must have been missing!). He had a lovely lovely play with them and then he came home for tea and he ate so well! He still spat a few things out and was a bit silly (he has recently discovered sticking his tongue out and one of his favourite things today has been blowing raspberries), but on the whole he ate really well and and tried everything.

We had a lovely bathtime and he was so cute reading stories with his daddy both before and after and well I had to write this blog post because honestly I could not feel more different to how I did yesterday. There are always ups and downs in life, and especially I am finding, as a parent, but the stark contrast of today and yesterday really hit me. Be thankful for the good days and just get through the bad days as they won’t all be that hard!

Stacking bricks and shape sorting, but still no talking – 16 months

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Kids develop at their own pace, we all know that, but as a parent you are still looking out for those milestones and wondering when certain things will happen. It starts with the first smile, then the giggle, rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking and talking. I think that covers most of the biggies, but there are smaller steps too with their coordination and motor movements, waving, clapping, stacking bricks etc.

Monkey was quite early with some things, as he was walking at 10 months. But talking, he is definitely not early with. My friend’s little boy was talking at 10 months but at the moment, at 16 months old, we have not even had a mama or dada yet. I mean he does say them, but he doesn’t seem to connect them with us in any way. My mother in law is convinced he says “all gone” but he makes loads of noises and yes, sometimes it is possible that they coincide with something happening that matches up…. but for every one of these times, there are hundreds more times where the same noise relates to absolutely nothing.

I try not to worry about it, because kids do develop at different times, but I can’t help keep all of the niggles at bay. I’m not worried about his hearing or his understanding as he definitely understands a lot of what we say. He can respond to simple instructions – such as ” where’s you ball? Go get your ball.” or “can you bring mummy the blue block” sometimes it takes a few goes but he definitely understands a lot of what we say. We try and encourage him to talk by labelling things and talking through what we are doing, and he does watch us intently sometimes and occasionally makes the sound of the first consonant but that is it. We don’t want to put too much pressure on as he is still young and I know he’ll get there when he is ready. Another friend’s nephew wasn’t talking until he was around 2 so I know we aren’t alone.

Sometimes though, it would just make life so much easier if he could talk. The other day he was screaming for ages and I had no idea why. It was really out of character for him and I was trying to ask him what hurt but nothing. Very frustrating! On the other hand though, he is so cute with all of the noises he makes that part of me doesn’t want it to change, as it means he is growing up. He does have other ways of communicating things with us even though he isn’t talking. He takes our hands and pulls us around places. He takes us to the kitchen or the table if he is hungry, he brings us our shoes if he wants to go out. He’ll get his postman pat toy out when he wants to watch the telly. He knows out to communicate with us, but just not with words. On the other hand he tries really hard and babbles away to us with such concentration on his face, usually something like ga gu go ga gu, and I feel bad that I have no idea what he wants to say!

He is developing really well in other areas though. He built a brick tower with 5 bricks yesterday, which I was really impressed with as normally he is clumsy and knocks the towers over at around 3 or 4 bricks. He has also suddenly got so much better with his shape sorter toy now. Whereas for ages we have been giving him the right hole for each block, he can now find the right hole to put them in, which I was pretty amazed by! He doesn’t get it right 100% of the time of course but he does get it right more often than not which I am really impressed with.

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I’m sure that one day he will just come out with a word, and then there will be no stopping home. I’m sure that one day I will be reminiscing about these cute pre talking times but right now I can’t wait to hear his little voice say something, and for him to be able to talk to me.

Preparing for Jury Duty and getting ready to leave my Monkey :(

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Over the summer I received a summons for Jury Duty. Straight away I was torn between being interested in the whole process and what it would be like, and the fact that it meant leaving Monkey in someone else’s care while I did it. After all, I made the decision to be at home looking after him full time, so the thought of leaving him to do Jury Duty brought back all those worries. The biggest problem in arranging the childcare is that you have no way of knowing how long or what hours you will be needed. It’s a two week period but they aren’t any more specific than that.

They do give you money towards childcare, so we considered nursery or childminders, but we thought that both of those options would be difficult because we’d have to get him ready with sessions beforehand, and because it is so unknown what hours I would actually be there, we thought a more flexible approach would be better. We agreed with the grandparents that my parents would do a couple of days, Hubby’s parents a couple of days and then Hubby wanted to take a few days off to help. Having spoken to other people who have done Jury Duty, some have only had to be there for a few days in all, others for half days some days, so we need them to be quite flexible.

I think it’s fair to say we were all a little nervous about how it would actually go. He has been quite a mummy’s boy and we have struggled with separation anxiety quite a lot. The last time my parents looked after him was on my birthday and he screamed the place down. The last time Hubby’s parents looked after him he seemed to really withdraw into himself and was so clingy with me for ages afterwards. He was quite wary with both sets of grandparents for a while too which was really hard for all of us. I mean, he still liked them, but he seemed a bit scared they were going to take him away or that I was going to leave him.

We deferred the Jury Duty until September so we could fit around my parents holiday, and a good time for Hubby to be able to leave work at the drop of a hat if necessary. This also meant that we had time to work on Monkey’s relationships with his grandparents. I decided that it was worth them playing with him at our house, where he is obviously the most comfortable, and then after lunch them taking him to the play park for some fun, because he loves it there!

The first times with each set of grandparents surpassed all of our expectations and he had so much fun. There was a tiny bit of looking for me or being a bit upset when he realised I wasn’t there, but they were able to distract him into having fun. As the weeks have gone on his relationships with them have improved so much. In this way it’s been great as it’s prompted us to make the effort and it’s been so much better for all of us. I have been loving it too as for a couple of hours every week I get to clean the house or do my own thing while he is out with the grandparents! Brilliant! He loves them all so much now too and really knows them that it is wonderful to see.

I mean, obviously he is that couple of months older too which really does make all the difference.

So that was the preparation, but the prospect of doing it was still daunting. An hour here or there is of course massively different to the whole day, for a couple of weeks. Plus I knew I was going to miss him! Being a stay at home mum is hard work sometimes but I do love it and it’s not like I want to change it. I would still rather be at home with him than out at work, but I have to do this, I can’t get out of it so I just have to do everything I can to prepare for it.

I’m obviously nervous of the thing itself too, because it is a huge responsibility, it’s people’s lives after all, and deciding whether they are innocent or guilty. Like wow, my days are going from playtime and baking and postman pat, to crime and law and seriousness. Crazy!

There’s not really anyway I can prepare myself for that as it’s a whole new world really, so all I can do is concentrate on preparing Monkey and the grandparents. Making sure they know his routine and that his little world stays as familiar and happy as possible. I just have to hope that it’s a nice easy case or that I don’t actually get called onto a panel so I don’t have to be away from him too much. Fingers crossed!

Becoming a Stay at Home Mum

Can I really do this?

Parenting

Starting to think about baby number 2…. yipes!

Struggling with Shyness – 18 months old

Starting to worry about the lack of speech…

Persuading a stubborn Monkey that he really should wear a hat and mittens…

Dropping daytime naps at 17 months??? Nooooooo!

Monkey-led play – 17 months old

Mealtime issues, what has worked (and what hasn’t) for us… so far anyway!

The rough with the smooth… and good samaritans

Stacking bricks and shape sorting, but still no talking – 16 months

Preparing for Jury Duty and getting ready to leave my Monkey :(