Technology and parenting

Posted by Caroline Elliott

I’ve written before about how I think technology has changed the way we parent but I have been thinking about it a lot again lately. We’ve been watching the series Back in Time for the weekend which has been fascinating from a social history point of view. It’s been really fun to see the family thrown back in time and to see how much has really changed in such a short amount of time. We really are so lucky and I think we all take so much for granted we really do. Anyway it has made me really think about how technological advances have massively changed parenting. (I’m talking primarily about parenting small children here as that is all I have experience with so far!)

Image credit: Amazon. Would be an interesting read I bet!

In the 50s things were so different. There were less white goods and everyone in the country lived a very frugal existence. According to the programme, women at the time averaged over 70 hours of housework a week. Exhausting! So I can’t help but wonder what were their small children doing while they were doing housework? I know that babies and toddler’s were often sat outside in a pram to watch the world go by. Can you imagine that now? What about the rest of the time or when they were walking or climbing. Were little ones in a playpen or were they sat on the hip of a mum who was trying to get so much housework done? I have no idea how they did it to be honest! How much interaction was there between parent and toddler?

Over the course the next 60 years things have really changed so much. We now have lots more extra time to be with our kids which is great but I can’t help feeling that comes with problems of its own.

For a start there is issues surrounding boredom, and this is two-fold. Firstly, as a mum, yes I get bored sometimes. The mundanity of life as a SAHM is real. Doing the housework and looking after the kids isn’t always that stimulating so yes I do get bored. (I struggle to imagine a 50s housewife and mum having time to be bored as they knew no different). At which point I turn to technology. I grab my phone and play a game or check social media, but I will come onto that more later. There is also the issue of boredom related to our kids as in that we rarely allow them to get bored.

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With so much technology, TV programmes, apps, YouTube etc. Sometimes it is hard to get them away from screens. In moderation this can be good and I’ve said before that I think kids can learn from TV but it obviously can’t replace interaction and games with parents. So I try to do lots of activities with the kids. But again how good for them are these activities?

There is huge amounts of pressure to do amazing things with the kids. Social media, blogs and pinterest all add to this pressure as there are so many wonderful activities, ways to entertain our kids and help them learn. Messy play, sensory play, small world play. Creating elaborate ways for them to play. Do they really need them though? I’ve read before that actually it is good for kids to be bored as it allows their imagination to step in. By constantly giving them activities that our imagination has come up with, are we doing them a disservice? All the sensory play and messy play that we are convinced is so good for children, parents never used to do it and we turned out alright didn’t we? Do they really need it?

We do all this from a good place as we want them to develop and learn and grow but I do question it sometimes. For my part, over the past 3 yrs I have learned that the more specific I want an activity to be the less it will work. My kids just don’t go for it and do much better when I allow play to be freer. To give them a material, be it crayons, paint, lentils or water and let them do what they want with it. The more I try to contrive a theme or set a purpose the less well it goes. But I figure that’s just the way we are as so many other kids seem to love activities set up for them by their parents.

We are able to do these sorts of activities because we have been freed by technology, to a certain extent. But does this all put too much pressure on us and our children. Are we now expecting too much of them. I wonder what the standards were in 50s, 60s, 70s etc. Did we expect kids to write their name before starting school? Or be on their way to be able to read, or learning to swim at such young ages? Is it a good thing that we now want them to learn at ever younger ages, that we have more time to help them learn… Or are we putting too much pressure on them so young? Expecting so much of them as proof that we are being good parents?

As much as technology has freed us from housework, it had tethered us in other ways. Smartphones. I was a relatively latecomer to the world of Smartphones. I was quite happy with my old phone which called and text and had basic games on. I had a computer for using the Internet so why did I need all that fancy stuff on my phone. Fast forward to today and my galaxy s6 is in my hand for far, far too much of the day. I know it is but it is a habit that’s has to break.

Smartphones are so much more than phones. They are our calendars, our email, our cameras, our games consoles, our dictionary, thesaurus and encyclopedia. They are how we communicate with friends, family and the world. They are how we consume the news, order our food shopping, track our fitness and exercise and, for many of us, are our creative outlet. I am blogging using my phone right now. So it is no wonder they feel permanently attached to us.

But they are so isolating too. How many times are you sat in a room and everyone is on their phone? I hate when I see the kids clamouring for hubs’ attention when he is glued to an article he is reading on his smartphone. The trouble is I know it is the same the other way and hubs hates seeing me on my phone when I am with the kids. It’s no wonder the kids want to play on them, what example are we setting? But as I mentioned earlier, sometimes when the kids are playing happily I know that if I get up to go and do something they will want me back, but sitting there I get bored so it is all too easy to reach for my phone and quickly check Facebook or Instagram a photo. The problem is that you get sucked in and it is rarely a ‘quick’ check.

Image credit: Freedeigitalphotos.net

That is something I am trying to work on. I use my phone as my primary camera and I love the snaps I take of them. I also enjoy sharing the pictures on social media… So I don’t want to stop but I do need to stop checking how many likes or comments there has been. I’m not even sure why I care really? I also need to cut down on my guilty pleasure of playing candy crush. I mean really. What a waste of time. But I feel it keeps my brain ticking over when I am bored and I can pick it up and put it down easily.

Hubs and I have both downloaded apps to monitor how much we use our phones. I am intrigued to see what they will say and we hope to use them to cut down that time. To create rules about not using them at the table or when playing with the kids. So we shall see how we go.

What do you think? Has technology helped parenting or hindered it? Does it make us put too much pressure on ourselves and our kids?

Reconnecting as a couple at Y Spa Wyboston Lakes

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Being parents is wonderful but it is also seriously hard work. I’ve said it before but anyone who things having a child will save a relationship is usually wrong. Having children pushes your relationship to the limits. You’re tired, snappy and the needs of the little people can take over. Household chores can become battlegrounds and it is so easy to feel disconnected and like two people sharing a house and sharing children rather than the couple you are. So as much as me-time is important so is us-time for hubs and I. Getting that us-time can be easier said than done though.

When hubs’ Grandpa passed away last year he got a little inheritance and we decided to use some of it to treat ourselves. To do something that we wouldn’t normally do. So after a bit of research we chose a spa package at the Y Spa at Wyboston Lakes. Nanny & Pops kindly agree to babysit and we have been so looking forward to our weekend together.

With Monkey coming down with Chicken Pox last week it did hang in the balance whether we would still be able to come, but thankfully as he wasn’t too bad in himself (just covered in spots bless him) Nanny & Pops are saints and were still happy to babysit.

We headed off on Saturday and arrived in time for a two course lunch overlooking the lake which was lovely. We treated ourselves to a glass of prosecco to start of the relaxation as we were still thinking and worrying about the kiddies a little, even though we knew they were in capable hands, feeling guilty especially that our little man was not feeling 100%.

After lunch our room was ready which was perfect timing and we settled in to our room before heading to the spa. It was really luxurious and there was even a tablet in the room that you could order room service on!

The package we bought included lunch, dinner, bed, breakfast and 4 hours in the spa from 3-7. We had also booked a treatment beforehand. So at 2 we had an amazing couples hot stone full body massage. It was funny being in the room together but kind of nice to do it together (and slightly cheaper than doing it separately) and the massage itself was amazing! Both our backs are terrible to the massage was brilliant for that and there is something soo lovely about having your hands and feet massaged as part of a full body massage!

Feeling very relaxed it was time to head into the spa itself. One of the reasons we chose the Y Spa was because the spa itself looked amazing. With a steam room, salty steam room, hot sauna, milder sauna, chill out room complete with ice and the piece de resistance, the hydrotherapy pool outside. With the cold weather this was amazing as the steam was filling the air, there was a fire blazing by sofas at one end and there was just such a wonderful ambience.

There are some wonderful chill out spaces too, including one entitled the big sleep which we took advantage of too. Lying in bed in the middle of the afternoon felt seriously decadent and wonderful. The hot sauna was seriously hot but the milder sauna was really lovely and my favourite room was the steam room. I don’t often like steam rooms but this one was fabulous and hubs actually really liked the chill out room with a wall of ice as he is such a hot bod and it really cooled him down.

We spent the most time in the hydrotherapy pool though. With big underwater beds, jacuzzi bubble and some wonderful water jets it was just amazing. We copied a few other guests and treated ourselves to another glass of prosecco which we drank surrounded by bubbles as the sun went down. Feeling lovely and happy we snuggled under a blanket in front of the fire before heading back to our room to get ready for our evening meal.

We took the opportunity to dress up a little and had a glass of wine in the waterfront bar before heading to our restaurant for a 3 course meal. The food was amazing and the ambience lovely, with low lighting and just a lovely atmosphere. We really felt spoiled and so well looked after.

One of the best bits for us though was the next morning and having a lie in. We never ever get lie ins past 7am (and even they are rare) and though we still woke up pretty early (hard to change your body clock) the feeling of not having to get up was heavenly. We lay in bed and watched TV. We don’t even have a TV in our bedroom at home so this felt very luxurious and we watched something they than cbeebies! Shocking haha. A yummy slap up breakfast in the restaurant and then it was back to our room to chill again and for hubs to get a political fix watching the Andrew Marr show while I just enjoyed blogging in bed.

Over the course of the weekend we really reconnected as a couple. We had so many conversations that we never have time to have, either because the kids are jabbering over us or because we are too tired in the evenings. Other than a bit of TV on Sunday morning we really switched off from technology and enjoyed each others company, rather than both sitting with our phones as so often happens at home.

It was an expensive weekend, at nearly £400 in total (including drinks and treatments on top of the hotel package which was £228), so definitely a one off luxury (thank goodness for that inheritance) but at the same time it was worth every penny to really relax and spend time together.

We didn’t hang about too long before going home though as we wanted to see our kiddies and make sure Monkey was Ok, plus it was mothers day so we needed to see our mummies! We had a wonderful time though and hope to go back one day, even if just for the day!

How do you stay connected as a couple? Do you find it hard to make time for each other?

A bonus afternoon walk with Daddy.

Posted by Caroline Elliott

It’s been a funny couple of days here that have ended happily with a bonus afternoon with Daddy.

Monkey has been a little poorly this though not too bad and I thought it was just a cold. Then he had one spot in his mouth that concerned me a little so I kept him off preschool that morning and spoke to a Dr who thought it was just an ulcer. As he seemed fine in himself he was back to preschool that afternoon.

This was my attempt at taking pics to send Daddy but he would not stand still! Haha love him!

Then I noticed a couple of spots on his back. And one on his front. I mentioned them to hubs and he felt they were unrelated as he had had chicken pox before. I wasn’t convinced and then over the course of the afternoon more and more appeared and they started to itch. Chicken pox it is! Fun! Though honestly he is still fine in himself so is handling it really well.

Hubs had to stay away that night. They were taking a customer to court for not paying their bills and to avoid rush hour traffic in Birmingham decided to stay overnight. Though bless him the m6 was closed so I ended up on the phone directing him round to avoid the closure bless him.

The next morning LM gave me a delightful 5.20am start. Yawn. And with yet more spots I knew it was going to be an indoor day for us. It wasn’t too bad and the brilliant news was that hubs’ company won the court case and he was able to come early. Bonus!

After chatting to some lovely people online I was already planning on a little afternoon walk with the kiddies (to help dry out Monkey’s spots and give us all some much needed fresh air!) and when daddy arrived early and wanted to stretch his legs after a long drive we all headed out together.

The little ones adored having daddy for a bonus walk and LM even walked in the right direction and held his hand. Doesn’t happen for me haha.

Both kids had a lovely run around.

And we all enjoyed the fresh air and exercise. Daddy had to step in a couple of times to prevent a very determined LM from running into puddles! Love the shot of her swinging through the air after grabbing her.

So not very exciting and just a local walk but it was lovely and did us all good. There was also bubble blowing, hide and seek and lot of other running about but for once I kept my phone in my pocket for the majority of the walk and just enjoyed the moment.

Just a little note regarding the chicken pox, there is a chance that it was misdiagnosed when we thought Monkey had it before because he only had a few spots but the Dr thought that was what it was. Or it could be that he just had a very mild case and therefore didn’t create the antibodies for it.. He only had a few spots that time, whereas this time he is covered so no doubt in my mind he has it this time!

Arguments about pants and the world through the eyes of a Threenager

Posted by Caroline Elliott

These are apparently not the right pants

Every day starts with an argument about Pants at the moment. Actually that’s not entirely true. Every day starts with hubs and I taking it in turns to get up with LM when she wakes up, anywhere from 5.30 to 7 am. Then when Monkey’s gro clock clicks over to the sun at 6.45 he comes and joins whichever of us in still in bed for a snuggle. Then there is an argument about pants.

Monkey is in pull ups at night at the moment. He has the occasional dry night so we know he can do it but he says it is hard work. We are trying to incentivise this by offering the star wars lego he wants when he is dry consistently, but so far we are not there yet. So anyway first thing it is time for a wee and to change into pants. The argument arises over which pants. Namely his “Dash pants” (Dash being the character from the incredibles) which he has decided are the only pants he ever wants to wear. They are often in the laundry basket and he has even been known to fish them out, massively excited at having found them. Cue explaining why you can’t wear dirty pants and trying to find some other pants that are acceptable.

Why am I going on about pants? Well this argument is similar to so many others we have every day. Trying to argue or explain to a three year old whose response is “but I want it. ” A three year old who thinks that that is enough and that no matter we say, the fact that he wants it trumps everything else. “Sorry darling but you can’t always get what you want. ” “But I want it.”

Sigh.

This face… looks like butter wouldn’t melt but oh he is strong willed!

The same also happens with the opposite. “But I don’t want to.” Monkey has become a master procrastinator and can always find a hundred excuses why not to do something he doesn’t want to do, like tidying toys. “I can’t bermember” (yes bermember, not remember, bless him!) “oh I can’t do it” “oh it’s hard work” “I can’t lift it” (a piece of duplo?? Come on) “I don’t know how.”

And oh the tantrums “no, you do it!” Um I beg your pardon, I don’t think so. Or my favourite “I’m the boss, you’re the child” and “I’m in charge.” Nope, sorry darling you really are not.

I’m not sure where all of this is coming from. We have been in quite a good place since Christmas, his behaviour has been great and we haven’t needed to do more than occasionally threaten the naughty spot. Now the threats are frequent and the times sat on the naughty spot have increased. He’s obviously not all bad, in fact there are so many times where he is absolutely adorable… But he is really testing us too. He doesn’t listen to me and ignores me. He is stroppy and everything is “I want” which I hate as it makes me feel like a slave, so I am on endless repeat reminding him to ask nicely which he does usually do with only a little prompting.

The threenager year has been an odd one with some real ups and downs. It is exhausting having the same arguments over and over again. The trouble is I know that some of it can be down to the way we are with him. Yes some of it is just a phase and he is pushing boundaries and figuring ut his place in the world… but I know he is better when I am better. When I have time to properly play and listen to him more. When I don’t let him watch too much TV. But the trouble is that parenting 2 small children is very tiring. His little sister inevitably takes a lot of my attention and when I try and do activities that both of them enjoy I invariably fail.

I try to give Monkey 1 on 1 time but that is easier said than done. Generally I am shattered in the afternoons when his sister is asleep so while I try to play with him there are a lot of times when I opt for a sit down in front of the TV with him instead or at least after a bit of a play. Then LM wakes up and chaos rules again. She is at a particularly trying age so Monkey doesn’t get the attention he craves and at times I expect too much of him.

There’s not much point to this post really other than a reminder to myself I guess that I can help change his behaviour, and not only via discipline, but by trying to listen to him more and think about the way he sees things, rather than just the way I see it. I read this very well timed post by the lovely Tarana at Sand in my Toes who put my feelings into words. This is how I wish I had the energy to be all the time. I don’t have the energy to do that but I am going to try harder to be more like that!

In the meantime, because I want to end focusing on the positives of this age, here are some of the cuter conversations we have had with Monkey lately.

“Mummy, Jack said something at playgroup today.”
“Ok, what did he say?”
“Um I don’t bermember. Daddy do you bermember what Jack said?”
“Um no I wasn’t there.”
“Oh. But do you bermember what he said?”

Having an argument with Daddy about his porridge at breakfast which he normally loves. “No! I don’t want it, no I won’t eat it.”
Daddy – “ok, calm down, what would you like” “Hmm. urrrm. I wooooould like….. porridge and honey”
Daddy – “that’s what you’ve got!”
“Oh yeah!” “Sorry, I made a mistake. ” (He says this a lot and I’ve only just twigged today that he is imitating the dragon from room on the broom!)

He loves Umizoomi and I do enjoy hearing him answer their questions. For example when they asked if he liked playing in the snow. he replied “Um not really, it’s actually a bit chilly”

Monkey as Darth Vader – hs “friend”

“Dogs have bones but they don’t eat them, they hatch and have baby dogs in them.”

“Oh. That’s odd.” (He says this all the time and it is so funny as it rarely makes sense!)

“Daddy, I wish I could go into space so I could see the whole earth.”

“When I’m older I can go in Daddy’s office and work with him.”

He is obsessed with Star Wars and frequently says “Darth vader is my friend.”

His is also fixated on the days of the week. So every day, at least once, there is “what is it today?” so I tell him, and for example if I say, it’s Thursday, he wil tell me “tomorrow is Friday and then Saturday, Sunday, Monday..” sometimes telling me the whole week bless him.

While having a hair cut “I was looking in the mirror at my cutiful eyes.”

I’m not sure where this one has come from, but Monkey’s version of an expletive is “oh buffers” lol. Could be worse I guess?

And finally, possibly the cutest of all, is Monkey’s current obsession with his baby doll (she was actually bought for LM but who cares) who he sleeps with every night. She has his name and is his age but he is adamant that she is a gorl “She grew in my tummy then she gre out. She’s 3 like me now!” He adores her and sits her places so she can watch him and he cuddles her in bed at night. I absolutely adore seeing how caring he is with her and who said dolls are only for girls anyway?

Me and Mine February 2016

Posted by Caroline Elliott

My family shot this month is from our day out on the Stick Man trail at Fineshade Woods. We had such a lovely day so it seemed the perfect place to grab a shot of us all.

As we so often do we used the selfie stick and took a very short video of us all and then captured a few frames. We tend to find this the best way to get most of us smiling. It worked well for 3 of us at least! Maybe one day I will get a shot of all 4 of us smiling!

It has been a bit of a month February… in many ways it has absolutely flown by but it hasn’t always been easy. The pesky illnesses that so many people have been hit by have struck us down at times too and it certainly made some difficult days. Half term was hard work which was a real shame and I was glad to get back to routine. I know that it was mainly hard work because of illness…. but I am apprehensive about the Easter holidays and hope they aren’t quite so hard! We have managed lots of lovely happy times too this month though and have a very busy month ahead so hopefully spring will be kinder to us.

5 Surefire ways to fail at Messy Play

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Messy play. For many of us parents it’s a love/hate thing. Either you enjoy doing it with your kids or you point blank refuse to deal with the mess. I do like doing messy play but it doesn’t always (or even very often) go the way I hope. I have in fact had some disastrous messy play experiences over the last week or so, so I feel suitably qualified to share with you a guide to ensuring that messy play goes very badly indeed and stresses you out enormously.

1. Do zero preparation.

Tell your kids about a fantastic idea before you have even thought about how possible it is, whether you even have the right ingredients or considered how long it takes to prepare. Cue kids whining and clinging while you try and gather ingredients and get it all ready. This does not get messy play off to a good start and you are stressed before you even begin. Brilliant.

2. Don’t think about your child and whether it is right for them.

Even if you know your child doesn’t like getting sticky or wet, set then up with some jelly messy play and see how it goes. Why not eh? Of course there’s no chance they will act true to form and refuse to participate because “I don’t like it” or will try their best before yelling “my hands are all yucky” while screaming and throwing themselves at you with said yucky hands.

3. Believe what you see on pinterest and social media.

Of course there is no chance that those smily faces you see are merely a snapshot and the one happy moment of messy play before the whining started. As for those picture perfect results and amazing creations as a result… Yup zip chance a parent has contributed at all and of course your children will also create similar masterpieces. No doubt about that whatsoever…a picture tells a thousand words? Or a thousand LIES!?

I posted this picture on Instagram.. looks idylic huh? Nicely glosses over the fact that within seconds Monkey was demanding to get out kicking off an uber tantrum and LM wanted to get out shortly after… Don’t believe everything you see folks!

4. Expect it to last more than 5 minutes.

Because of course they will enjoy it so much that they will still be engrossed in half an hour or an hour allowing you to have a cup of tea or write a blog post. There’s no chance that they will prod it for a few mins then announce “I’ve had enough now. ” Or if they are too little to talk then of course they won’t suddenly make a break for freedom trailing spaghetti/jelly/paint throughout the house the second you have turned away because you think they are happily playing. If they have previously enjoyed an activity then you can guarantee that they will like it again… Yup absolutely zero chance they will be a contrary little so and so and refuse to join in…. ahem.

5. Underestimate the clean up operation.

Can you say uh oh?

Got a pack of wipes. Yeah that’ll do. Until you see both you and child are up to your arms in black goo which is dripping all over the floor which you haven’t put any protective covering down on… Cue holding a child at arms length as you run through the house to the nearest sink, screaming “don’t touch anything” while you hope nothing drops anywhere that it can’t be removed by vanish or bleach!

See, failing at Messy Play is very very easy!

If for some reason you don’t want to fail at Messy Play, perhaps take care to avoid all of the above faux pas… And yes I have done all of them more than once…

Because it is worth it. Sometimes, just sometimes, you are rewarded with scenes like these and that makes it all worthwhile 🙂 even if the smiles are very shortlived. Even when there is a ginormous clean up operation to come. As long as you don’t expect too much from them or yourself it will be fine.

The Stick Man trail at Fineshade Woods

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Last weekend we finally visited somewhere I have wanted to visit for ages, Fineshade Woods, to do the Stick Man trail. Fineshade is about 20 mins from where we live and yet we had never been, bonkers! So with the sun shining we donned our wellies and headed off for a walk through the woods to rectify that.

Stick Man is one of Monkey’s favourite books so he was dead excited to follow the trail. He excitedly ran to each of the signs and was excited by every picture from the book. Hubs also used the opportunity to help with Monkey’s reading by helping him read the signs, which Monkey found great fun.

He also loved doing the activities at each point. I thought they were great too, building nests and towers and dens out of sticks! It was nice seeing those left over by others too and the kids had a fab time playing in a den left behind by previous explorers!

For her part LM adored exploring the woods and yep the mud. She was straight in to any muddy puddle she could find and was so happy! (She got covered though as you can imagine!)

On the whole we had a lovely time and lots of fun as a family. Then when LM’s welly got stuck in the mud and she stepped out of it covering her leg in mud we took as it a good time to end our visit and head to the lovely top lodge cafe for a hot drink and yummy food.

There are some fantastic play areas at Fineshade too and though we had to cut short our visit because of a very muddy LM we look back to returning soon!

What you should know about visiting Fineshade Woods.

Fineshade is easily accessible and well signposted from the A47 between Peterborough and Uppingham.

Pay & Display parking is in operation, £1 for an hour or £3 for the day, coins only at the moment so don’t get caught out!

You don’t need an activity pack to complete the Stick Man trail but it does add to the fun. The pack cost £3 and is available from the cafe where the staff are so friendly and helpful.

Questioning being a Stay at Home Mum

Posted by Caroline Elliott

It’s been a tough time lately. We have all been a bit poorly which never helps. Endless coughing and a lack of sleep does nobody any good. Then, potentially as a result of her poorliness, LM has been incredibly clingy. I know it’s just a phase “separation anxiety” etc…. But boy is it hard work!

She wants to be on me at all times and with me whatever I am doing. I can’t go to the loo without her standing at the gate in the lounge screaming at me. I can’t sit down without her clamouring all over me, pulling my hair and necklace, standing on me and generally wriggling all over the place with her perfect little elbows and knees digging in wherever they land.

I can’t look at my phone without her trying to snatch it off me so she can push buttons or play a baby game. There is screaming galore if I resist and hide my phone because I have had enough of her using it. I can’t have a drink without her clawing at me to have some so I have to hide whatever I am drinking and just grab a sip when I can… Meaning I certainly don’t drink enough at the moment. She wants to be carried by me at times when I can’t carry her resulting in her clinging on my legs and clawing at me while I try and make lunch.

Hiding from a nappy change

It is exhausting and I feel like I have zero personal space and zero opportunity to just have a bit of peace. In fact the only times she doesn’t cling to me are when it is time for a nappy change – when she runs away and tries to cram herself behind a chair or something to hide, or when she has spotted some opportunity for mischief making. She throws her meals on the floor and deliberately spills he drink so she can splash and play in it (if anyone can direct me to a genuinely non-spill cup I would be massively grateful) and likes to push the buttons on the side of the TV no matter how much I say no, with a look of absolute glee.

This has been made harder by the fact it is half term. I adore my little boy and I wasn’t dreading half term at all. I don’t want to be a mummy who wishes away the time spent with my children… But I find it so hard to entertain both of them I really do.

I have tried loads of activities but one or the other gets bored. Monday we were due to go to soft play with friends but unfortunately they were poorly. I decided not to worry though and take the opportunity to do some messy play and get cracking with some finger painting in the bath. Great fun for all of 5 minutes until Monkey announced he’d had enough. LM lasted about 5 more minutes and then started crying to go and play with her brother. So it ended up with them both shut up in his bedroom while I cleaned the bathroom. (our stair gate broke so I have to shut them in to keep LM safe). It was so stressful and honestly I ended up wondering why I had bothered.

We have had some lovely times this week and I have grabbed every opportunity to get outside when the weather has been nice. We have blowed bubbles, chased balls, run down hills and visited the playpark. But every happy time is bookends by whining and moaning. Monkey doesn’t want to go out while LM is chomping at the bit to get outside. LM is crying as she has had enough and is cold (will she wear mittens for more than 5mins? What do you think?) while Monkey is protesting like mad as now he doesn’t want to go home.

Fun outside, bookended by whining and moaning

We have been to soft play with friends and both kiddies have had outings individually with the grandparents meaning I have had some nice 1 on 1 time with both of them. But the rest of the time there has been more TV on than I would like and I have been left questioning being a stay home mum. What am I doing? Why am I doing this? It is so so so hard sometimes and weeks like this I really don’t feel happy or fulfilled. So I start thinking about going back to work. But despite how hard it is at the moment I still don’t like the thought of sending LM to nursery. Of someone else doing the things I feel I should be doing with her.

I have utmost respect for working mums and I have no judgement on anyone for sending their child to nursery so they can work. I just can’t seem to extend that to myself for some reason and feel like having made the decision to be a SAHM that I would be failing if stopped now. I think it would be different if I had a job I loved or a career I wanted to further, or if financially I had to work. But I don’t, we are so fortunate that we manage on one salary (we do have to be sensible and a bit careful with money but we do fine) so I guess it just feels wrong to think about going back to work just so I can escape my children!

Its a difficult thing to balance, the needs of me vs. the needs of them. I know that this has been a particularly tough week and I know that when Monkey is back at preschool and everyone is well again things will be different. I hope so and this may juts be a blip… But I am questioning my choice a lot at the moment and wondering whether it is still the right decision for me. In truth I have no idea. And I have no idea what the solution would be as I am so conflicted between wanting something more for me… And wanting to do everything I did for Monkey with LM.

It is such a short time when they are small and yes it is tough but do I want to throw away this opportunity? Surely I have years and years ahead of me where I can do things for me, is it
really too much to focus on their needs for another year or 2? That sounds perfectly reasonable until I have two children fighting over me and my hair being pulled….

I know it doesn’t have to be an either or situation and I could work part time but then it is whether the costs and negative would outweigh the wages I would earn or the perceived benefits. The questioning continues..

The Fitbit Charge HR – a review

Posted by Caroline Elliott

I have been intrigued by fitness trackers for a while but had never taken the plunge and wasn’t really sure what they would do for me and my lifestyle. When Fitbit asked if I would like to try out and review their new Fitbit Charge HR, I thought it was time I gave it a go, especially with my aim of getting fitter and healthier this year.

The Fitbit Charge HR

The Charge HR is the latest fitness tracker from Fitbit and what distinguishes it from its peers is the fact that it has a continuous heart rate monitor, making it more accurate in tracking your activity. In general it monitors your heart rate every 5s and when you set it for exercise it monitors every second. It comes in a variety of cool colours, and can be used to track steps taken, calories burned, steps climbed, your heart rate and how well you sleep.

Opening the box

I was so excited when the box arrived and couldn’t wait to give my new Fitbit Charge HR a go, but with the kids running riot it had to wait until nap time so I could concentrate fully. Once I did, I have to admit to being a bit confused and frustrated at times. There were no real instructions in the box other than a card telling you to go to the website to set it up. So I got my laptop (thinking I could charge the Fitbit at the same time) and went to the website given. Where I was told to download the app first. So I got my phone too and downloaded the app and started the registration progress. This irritated slightly as if you have to do it on the app why not just send me to the app rather than tell me to go to a website which then sends me to the app?

Anyway then I was filling in all my details etc but the app couldn’t find the Fitbit because it had no power…so I started charging it using my laptop. It struggled to find the Fitbit whilst it was charging so had to unplug a few times. Then it wanted to update the firmware on the Fitbit but wouldn’t do that while the tracker was charging. But the app also wouldn’t let me continue until this was done. So I have to admit I got mightily frustrated at the inability to just get it sorted. I could have been charging the band while the kids were around so it was ready to go, but I know from other trackers that some come with at least a partial charge, and you plug them in to your laptop at the right time in the setup process.

So basically, it would have been much more helpful if there were some simple instructions in the box. eg. 1 – charge your Fitbit, 2 – download the app on your mobile device and follow the instructions from that point on. It may sound obvious to some but as mentioned I know other trackers come charged and with set up via a computer so I think it would be sensible to let you know that this isn’t the case.

One other thing I struggled with was knowing how to wear the band. Again this may sound incredibly daft and obvious to some, but I was confused. I know some bands are designed so you wear them with the screen on the inside of your wrist but I don’t know if all trackers are designed this way? So I didn’t know which way round it should go on my arm. I also wasn’t sure whether it should go on your non dominant arm or whether it didn’t matter. As it turns out you can set it to whichever arm you prefer – but again simple instructions about this in the box would have helped me work this out as I didn’t know if it would work as well the way I was wearing it. Some googling resulted in me finding the full manual online which was really helpful. I am not suggesting they send this out with every one but I would have thought the basics such as how to wear it may be worth including, or at least a link to follow to find the information. (A later note to this is that when hubs linked it up to his phone to have a go with it, the app did show how you should wear it, but because I had so many problems with the set up and charging the band, my app never got to this point and it still didn’t mention which arm etc.)

How it feels

The Fitbit Charge HR sits on your wrist like a watch and to me it feels ever so slightly plasticky on my skin. Though it wasn’t uncomfortable I definitely needed to give my wrist a break at times (as Fitbit recommends anyway) and I didn’t like sleeping with it on (to track my sleep) as it would often have ended up in an uncomfortable position by the morning. This is just personal preference though and I sleep pretty well anyway so the daytime tracking is more useful to me. It is as adjustable as a watch strap which is good and even though it was the small band, both Hubs and I were able to wear it. On the whole though it just feels like you have a watch on so is pretty innocuous as you go about your day to day activities!

Wearing my fitbit on the pre-school run, as you can see, Monkey approves haha

How it works

There is definitely something very cool about fitness trackers and being able to keep an eye on your activity levels throughout the day. It is very satisfying to see that step counter go up and it definitely motivates you to move more on your less active days. The button on the side of the Charge HR makes it very easy to scroll through all of your statistics and a simple flick of the wrist lets you know what time it is, very handy.

The app is also really clear and easy to use and as you can see from this screenshot, it is easy to check at a glance what you have done so far. I also found the band very quick to sync with the app which I really liked.

Comparisons to other trackers

There are a couple of things I have noticed, in comparison to other fitness trackers, which I thought worth mentioning here as it is difficult to talk about what this does and what I do and don’t like about it, without explaining my point of reference. My husband has the Microsoft Band which he has been using for quite some time and I have recently purchased a fairly basic Polar Loop band. There are obviously lots of other brands and types of tracker out there but I can only compare the ones I have seen and used. They are in quite different price brackets too which is worth bearing in mind when you read the following points as the Microsoft Band retails at around £200.00, the Charge HR around £100.00 and the Polar Loop around £40.00 (all prices approximate depending on where you purchase them from!).

In many ways the trackers are similar and do the same jobs, but there are differences good and bad, and differences which are neither good or bad I guess and would just come down to personal preference really!

For example each of the trackers seem to measure your sleep in a slightly different way, but essentially they all do the same job, by showing you how much sleep you have. The Microsoft Band is probably the most comprehensive showing your light sleep, deep sleep and the amount of times you woke up. The Polar Loop shows you your restful sleep and restless sleep though what it defines as restless sleep is actually awake time. It doesn’t have a heart rate monitor like the Microsoft Band or the Charge HR do so I guess it is inevitably less accurate in that respect. The Charge HR is similar to the Microsoft Band and when worn at the same time gives very similar results, showing awake time, restful sleep and restless sleep.

Wearing two bands on one wrist but getting different numbers of steps!

The difference in step counting between the three trackers is interesting too. The Charge HR always seems to register that we have done more steps than either the Microsoft Band or the Polar Loop, even when both are worn right next to each other on the same wrist which we have found fascinating. It is difficult to tell which is the most accurate, although I believe the Charge HR is (not just because it says we have done more lol) as we have both felt at times that our respective bands don’t always track steps accurately when we are pushing the buggy or a trolley as our arms are obviously not moving very much. Whereas the Charge HR does seem to register steps on these occasions which is obviously a big plus and so hopefully that and the combination of the heart rate monitor means that it is the most accurate of the three.

At the end of the day I don’t think any step counter is going to be accurate all the time but does it actually matter? In general you will only be wearing one band and as logas you are comparing the number of steps according to that tracker then you will still get a feel of whether you are doing more or less than normal etc. So even if the numbers are a bit out it doesn’t really matter.

You can set goals on each of the bands and what I love about the Charge HR is that you can set the goal that is right for you. It is automatically set to 10,000 which I think works as a good base line, but if that is unachievable for you (hubs has his Microsoft Band set to 6,000 as being in the office all week he rarely reaches even that let alone 10,000) you can set it lower, or if that is too easy for you then you can set it higher. The Polar Loop in comparison only has set targets and the lowest is 12,000, a target I hardly ever achieve, which isn’t very motivating. Achievable limits are so much more motivating, you want to push yourself a bit but setting a target you will never reach is just daft I find.

The battery life of the Charge HR seems to be really good nd it definitely lasts longer than either of our other bands. It also only takes an hour or two to recharge which is great and gives your wrist a rest from wearing it all the time.

The Charge HR is splashproof, as is the Microsoft Band, but that is it. The Polar Loop on the other hand is waterproof and suitable for swimming. It is possible to add swimming as an activity on the Fitbit app, but that seems to be a fairly inaccurate way of measuring the activity as it obviously can’t really tell how much effort you are putting in to it unless you have a different tracker to measure the swimming and add that information to your Fitbit app… but that does seem a bit daft!

It also only recognises certain activities – this seems to be the same with the other trackers in our house too as they haven’t figured out what we are doing when we use the exercise bike, Cycling outside they understand because they can use the GPS tracking.Inside though when you aren’t moving and your arms are static… nothing is registered. It is again possible to add it as an activity, but it is a shame it doesn’t have a way of recognising it.

The Microsoft Band has a number of other functions too which is what makes it’s higher price point worthwhile, as it can be fully linked to your phone and can give you alerts etc. The Charge HR does have a degree of this functionality too though and can buzz and alert you when you have a phone call, and can also give you a silent alarm, which would be very handy for getting up in the mornings (if you don’t have small children who already wake you up at an ungodly hour!)

Conclusion

There is no doubt in my mind that wearing a tracker on your wrist makes you move more than you would otherwise. So many times I have walked a slightly longer route to take more steps. I move faster to bring my heart rate up and I walk instead of taking the car to the local shops, especially on days where I haven’t moved as much. There’s something about competing against yourself, and I know of others who compete against each other too to see how many steps they take and that definitely adds a level of fun. So it really is possible that wearing a band will improve your fitness.

Regarding the Charge HR itself, I really like the funky colour as it makes it look a bit different. I also like the display and the fact that the button you use to see all of your stats is very obvious and easy to use (some trackers the buttons are a bit more temperamental or more hidden). The graphics are easy to make out and I love that with a flick of the wrist you can see the time at a glance – it really makes the Fitbit Charge HR feel equal parts watch and tracker, and I do love efficiency! The other functionality and connecting it to your phone too really adds to that.

I really like that the Charge HR monitors your heart rate and I do feel this helps with the accuracy of its tracking. I imagine this to be very very useful when you are exercising frequently too. It is really cool to know when your heart rate is in the fat burning zone, and for the really fit out there it can show you when you are in peak burn. A great way to see how your hard work is paying off.. or push yourself to work that bit harder.

Monitoring your sleep is fascinating. I am a good sleeper and tend to have large chunks of the night when I am in deep sleep. My husband on the other hand sleeps terribly, and this explains why he is so tired all the time and we are making some changes to see if it helps him (reducing caffeine late in the day, eliminating light in the bedroom etc.) and being able to track his sleep makes it easy to see whether these changes make any difference.

I have mentioned above a few niggles with setting up the Fitbit Charge HR, but they were easily sorted or are personal preference. The one real negative for it though in my opinion is that it is not waterproof. It is splashproof… but I can’t wear it to go swimming. As I try to swim twice a week this is a real bug bear for me. You can add it as an activity via the app but it seems to just be an estimation of what you have done unless you are measuring exactly how far you have swum etc… which is a faff. So a large amount of my activity isn’t registered by the tracker. If you don’t swim for exercise though this obviously wouldn’t be a problem so again it really is a matter of personal preference.

On the whole I think fitness trackers are great and I do love the Fitbit Charge HR, I just wish it was waterproof! Please make a properly waterproof one next time Fitbit!

Disclosure: I received the Fitbit Charge HR in return for publishing this review. All opinions and photographs are my own.

Siblings February 2016

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Wow how are we in the middle of February already? This year is already whizzing by and I have a feeling that won’t change.

My gorgeous pair are growing and developing all the time and their relationship is growing and changing with them. I just love to see them together, it makes all the tricky times that come with having 2 children so worth it.

I love watching them play together, sometimes just side by side but other times helping each other, or copying each other. They just love to be around each other.

And Monkey has some seriously tender moments with his baby sister where he just announces how much he loves her and bowls her over with a giant cuddle!

For her part she just loves messing with her big brother. Difficult to catch on camera but she just comes up to him and starts messing with his hair. Or she lies with her feet on him kicking him. Or she runs up to give him something then snatches it back and runs away laughing. Such a cheeky madam and for the most part Monkey is so good and so accommodating of her cheekiness towards her.

Hubs managed to catch a video of this last weekend while I was away. It isn’t amazing quality as it was very early morning so quite dark, and post breakfast so they are still in their pjs. Proof that they did manage to have some nice times together while I was away though 😉 and a very good example of LM messing with her big brother, and him being amazingly tolerant of it. The toy she has is his doggy bear, his one special toy, and as a sign of how much he loves her he often says she can share him. Bless.

Of course there are plenty of squabbles and snatching of toys at times too. Monkey takes something from her and refuses to give it back no matter how much she screams and she does the same to him. He barges past her and knocks her over without realising she is there and doesn’t know his own strength and leaps on her when we are messing around. Sometimes, because he is the big brother and because he is so tall for his age, it is too easy to expect him not to do these things. But we have to remind ourselves that he isn’t even 4 yet. To not expect too much of him.

So instead we focus on the lovely moments, as they are far more frequent.

Becoming a Stay at Home Mum

Can I really do this?

Technology and parenting

Reconnecting as a couple at Y Spa Wyboston Lakes

A bonus afternoon walk with Daddy.

Arguments about pants and the world through the eyes of a Threenager

Me and Mine February 2016

5 Surefire ways to fail at Messy Play

1. Do zero preparation.

2. Don’t think about your child and whether it is right for them.

3. Believe what you see on pinterest and social media.

4. Expect it to last more than 5 minutes.

5. Underestimate the clean up operation.

The Stick Man trail at Fineshade Woods

Questioning being a Stay at Home Mum

The Fitbit Charge HR – a review

The Fitbit Charge HR

Opening the box

How it feels

How it works

Comparisons to other trackers

Conclusion

Siblings February 2016