Goals for me in 2016

Most of my posts on here are about our family life and the kiddies especially. Inevitable really as they are the most important things in my life but for now I thought I would write a little post about me. I’m not particularly setting new years resolutions as I don’t think you have to start something new just because it is the new year. The being said there are changes that need to be made and things about me that I want to focus on and now is as good a time as any to start.

Diet and exercise
Yep, starting with the obvious one. I have been eating way too much for quite a while, even before Christmas and have definitely not worried about indulging over the Christmas period. I am not beating myself up over this, life is too short and I have enjoyed myself. But, and there is a but, I am not happy with the added weight I am carrying at the moment.

Our scales broke a while ago and we haven’t replaced them so I don’t know how much I actually weigh (I find it better to judge based on how my clothes fit anyway) but I am carrying it a bit differently at the moment. I’m pear shaped and have always carried extra weight around my hips and bottom. Now though, I guess as a result of being stretched from having 2 children I am very much expanding around my middle and ooh do I hate it! I have been wearing legs and tunics and dresses loads as it is more comfy than squeezing into jeans and it is time to tackle it. I’m a big believer that if you are unhappy about something then you are the one who needs to change it. So that is what I am going to do. No matter how much I enjoy eating, I don’t enjoy carrying around the extra weight so need to change.

Of course the main thing is going to be watching what I eat again. I have done weight watchers before and find the points really help me be aware of how much I am eating etc. so I will be doing that again. No fad diets here, just sensibe eating. Exercise is going to play a big part too though. My friends and I have been swimming once or twice a week for a while (thank goodness or I don’t know how huge I would be) so that will continue and I want to make it a definite twice a week thing. I also want to do more yoga or pilates as I really need to strengthen my back.

I’ve always had a few problems with my back, especially my lower back but since having kids my upper back can get terrible too. (All the carrying and stooping over etc.) It gives me horrific headaches from the referred pain and I know I need to work on strengthening my core and my whole body. There is a great pilates class nearby I was supposed to start a couple of months ago but, well, it hasn’t happened. The first week I didn’t go as LM had croup, the next week hubs Grandpa died that day, then I was ill, then I was preparing to host hub’s grandpa’s wake, then Monkey had croup, then I did actually go but the woman running it had the flu and cancelled the class! Then I was out for a meal and then it was Xmas week and they closed. So it has been a catalogue of disasters but I really want to try and go in January.

I’ve also been wondering how I can squeeze some yoga in to my day as I have a couple of good dvds and even 10 mins of good stretching here and there would be better than nothing. Every evening at the mo hubs does bath time with the kids and because I am shattered, unless I am sorting laundry I am generally lying on my bed playing candy crush until LM gets annoyed and I play with her while hubs carries on bathing Monkey. I am trying to make this a bit of yoga time instead and I have managed 2 days so far! Hopefully I can improve on that and hopefully it will contribute to me feeling better, fitter and stronger.

Postnatal Depression
I haven’t talked about it much for a while because I have being doing so much better on antidepressants but the time has come where my doctor has suggested trying to see how I feel about coming off them. There’s no rush obviously but it has been over 6 mths and I guess you don’t know if you don’t try, right? So she has suggested taking them on alternate days to see how I feel. I started this right before Christmas and sadly it didn’t go well. I would skip a tablet and feel fine all that day, but the following morning I was feeling very stressed again. I wondered if it was psychosomatic but I would have thought that if that was the case then I would have felt anxious on the day I skipped a tablet, rather than 24hrs later?

Anyway I got quite anxious and stressed and after a chat with my husband, who was concerned about the way I was reacting to things, we decided I wouldn’t try this until after Christmas. Christmas can be stressful enough as it is and he didn’t like seeing me reacting the way I was when things were at their worst. I am trying again now though and so we shall see how things go this time. If I react the same way again then I will tell my doctor that I don’t feel ready yet, as I don’t want to pressure myself into coming off them until I am ready.

I also hope to make a bit more time for me and my friends this year as it is all too easy to be consumed with family life, though I know it does me the world of good to just be me from time to time. It’s a difficult one as my kids are the most important thing in the world to me but I know it is good for them to have time with their Daddy and with their grandparents and good for them if I feel fresh from having a break. The doesn’t always make it easy to leave them though or take away the guilt when Monkey gets sad about me going. Which happens.. even some time afterwards and even if he had a lovely time at the time, he just comes out with the fact that mummy going somewhere made him sad. Talk about pulling my heart strings! But I know he has so much of me that it isn’t a bad thing for me to do things for myself sometimes too.

As for the blogging…. I um and ah about it a lot and think about stopping but the truth is enjoy it. I am always thinking about what else I can blog about. I am never going to be a huge blogger, I just don’t have the time or energy. I don’t contact pr companies or fight to get what I can… If someone would like me to review something and it is something I would genuinely use then I will review it. Otherwise again I just don’t have the time or energy. But that’s OK because it is a hobby I enjoy and the rest doesn’t really matter. I am going to make more of an effort to engage with the blogging community though and my favourite bloggers in particular. I can be very insular by nature and tend to hide away rather than joining in with things but this can mean I miss out so I want to try a bit harder with that.

I am also going to try and be a bit more organised. While Hubs has been off we have done a lot of sroting round the house, the loft and garage are much more organised as are many of our cupboards and the conservatory is possibly the cleanest it has ever been. So this should help. I have aso been rubbish at doing things like sending thank you cards over the past year which I hate so I am going to try and be more organised in that respect too.

So I say I am not setting new years resolutions… but I guess I am. I just hope that they are realistic and achieveable though rather than pie in the sky objectives that will fall by the wayside after a few months!! Over all I think I just want to be happy this year and I hope that by making a decision to change the things I dislike that I can achieve that and feel better overall.

Are you setting yourselves any resolutions this January? What would you like to achieve over the next year?

Sticking to the diet – 5 weeks in

When you embark on a new diet it is easy to be gung ho and positive and stick to it. I always find that at the start of the diet a bit of weight comes off quite easily so you feel great about it. But as time progresses it gets harder and harder sticking to the diet. The weight loss slows down and there are more and more temptations in the way. I guess that is why so many of us are yo yo dieters and why fad diets appeal to us so much. A long term, slow, steady, diet is much harder to stick with.

I am at that point. I am sticking to the diet but it is oh so hard right now! Last week we were on holiday. We were staying in a self catering cottage but I didn’t want to do huge amounts of cooking. So with lunches out and some posh (ish) ready meals it got really hard to keep track, and keep in control, of what I was eating.

Labels on supermarket foods were helpful of course so I chose the healthiest options of meals that I could, and we had picnics for lunch on a few days where I kept my food simple with sandwiches. But the lovely small cafes and tea rooms we found in the gorgeous Yorkshire towns and villages don’t exactly share their nutritional information so it is not always easy to work out the healthiest choices. (Was it cooked in butter or oil? How much oil? How calorific is the dressing? Is it full fat mayo etc.)


ooh the temptation!

The other side of it is that we were on holiday, and holidays are normally a time for treats aren’t they? With hubs not on a diet and a Monkey who adores going to a cafe for tea and cake, temptation was frequently in my path. I have to say I am pretty proud of myself as I did not give in to temptation very often. The occasional taste of hubs’s cake, one lunchtime I had a real treat of baked camembert (yum! thankfully dinner that night was a low point meal!) and I had 1 or 2 biscuits over the week.


Beautiful beach… but all I see is my thighs!!

At times it wasn’t easy and I so wanted to give in, but I still have my goal firmly in sight. If anything actually, seeing the photos of myself that we took throughout the week helped remind me why I am sticking to this diet. I just think I look awful! My hips and thighs are huge!

While some of this is my shape, I will never have skinny legs, I know this by now, I also know that I want to be slimmer than this. So that is what is motivating me to keep going. The weight is coming off slowly, my tummy is definitely smaller than when I started, hooray, but I definitely have work to do yet!



It was actually my birthday while we were away too and hubs really wanted me to relax and treat myself, and I did a bit, as we shared a yummy cream tea and I had a glass of wine that night… but I just don’t want to indulge in the way I normally would. My desire to be happier with the way I look is stronger than the desire to indulge. I want to see the pictures of me with the kids in gorgeous places and not cringe at the way I look.

We have come home and I am feeling demotivated again as after a quick jump on the scales I haven’t lost any weight. I am still on 12 1/2 stone, exactly where I was 3 weeks ago, the scale just hasn’t moved :(! I feel I have tried so hard to be good all week and we have done so much more exercise than we normally would. With all the sightseeing, walking up and down hills pushing the buggy and carrying the kiddies… yet nothing :/. I need to not let this get the better of me so I thought it was time for a red shorts photo to remind me of how far I have come since January when I originally started (I got sidetracked along the way and started again properly 5 weeks ago).

When I started, at 13 1/2st13 stoneNow at 12 1/2st

The first shot was when I started, at 13 1/2 stone, and the second at 13 stone and the third was taken today and I weigh 12 1/2 stone.

I have come a long way, and I need to not let the scales demotivate me. I am losing weight and I will meet my goal of 11 1/ stone. It may just take me longer than I would like! I think I was massively over optimistic when I started this that I would lose the weight by my birthday night out next week … But I am not giving up – I am determined to see it through to the end!

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No more excuses

At the beginning of the year I wrote about how it was time to make time for me. To take a bit better care of myself, to lose weight and basically find some me time. We are now nearly a quarter way through the year (bonkers eh?) and it is safe to say that is not happening at the moment. With Monkey and mostly baby LM, I am continually pushing myelf to the bottom of the priority list.

The diet has stopped as I have been too tired, too poorly, too busy, etc. etc. I don’t like the way I look in most of my clothes as I am larger than I want to be and I don’t want to buy new clothes because the truth is I won’t be happy whatever clothes I am in as I know I am bigger than I want to be. I am lazy and I am making excuses not to look after myself. I only wash my hair a couple of times a week and because I can’t always be bothered to detangle the frizz it very often gets scraped into a bun and stays that way until I next decide it looks too greasy to be acceptable. Some days I don’t even straighten my fringe as if I know I am not going anywhere then who cares whether my fringe is all kinky and sticking out. Well, I should, I think.

It’s not just me, hubs is the same. He let his hair and beard get so long he was looking a bit scruffy (sorry hubs but you know you were) and he hasn’t been to the gym or cycled to work in ages. We put the kids needs above our own (of course) and in our free time prioritise jobs around the house (and I do prioritise the blog too) over taking time out for ourselves and making even a little bit of effort over how we look and feel.

We convince each other that it is ok too, we buy crisps and chocolate and bad things and tell each other we deserve it, that it’s temporary because we are going through a hard time. That it doesn’t matter. But the truth is, it does matter. We matter. Making time to feel good about ourselves does matter! I am feeling so low so much of the time and I think it’s all a symptom of the same thing. Yes babies are hard work and yes I am tired all of the time but I am dragging myself down instead of lifting myself up. If that makes any sense?


So, together, hubs and I are refocusing on the diet. He doesn’t need to lose as much weight as I do but some of his clothes are getting tight and it’s more about our frame of mind and we need to support each other through this. We need to encourage each other to look after ourselves. We usually take it in turns to do the 530am start with LM (yawn) but at the weekend we got up together so that hubs could cut his hair and beard before Monkey got up and the day fully started.

On Monday we started counting our WW points again. Just to remind ourselves what we are putting in to our bodies and also, hopefully, to lose some weight. There are no excuses this time. I have had a couple of difficult days this week where LM’s screaming has dragged me down and I have been a mess at times. But I haven’t given in. I am a huge comfort eater but I need to remember that it doesn’t solve anything and while it may make me feel better in the uber short term, longer term it does not help because I don’t like the way I look or feel.

I will never be skinny but I want to be me-sized rather than big for me-sized. I don’t want to feel so wobbly and squeezed into clothes and I don’t want to buy bigger clothes as they will just be masking the wobbles and I know I still won’t be happy.

We have a goal in mind too. It is my birthday at the end of April and at the beginning of May we have arranged a babysitter (thanks Mum) so that hubs and I can go out together with a group of our friends. It will be the first time since the wedding in August, I think, that we have had time out of the house as a couple without the kids and will do us both some good to be out with friends and out with each other. So the goal is that by then we are looking and feeling better about ourselves.

LM getting into a routine would undoubtedly make this task a lot easier, but (while I am still going to keep trying to get her into one) I am not going to use her lack of a routine as an excuse for eating rubbish and looking and feeling rubbish anymore. No more excuses.

Starting weight is 13st and I am aiming for 11 1/2 st, but as I have said before it is more about how my clothes fit than what the scales say.

Wish me luck!

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Weight Loss highs and lows


Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

I haven’t blogged much about my weight loss lately, mainly because I am not sure where to start! It is up and down and all over the place at the moment really. I have periods of time when I am doing really well, and others where I do less well. Like a lot less well.

Starting with the positive, I have lost weight.  In fact at one point I had lost a stone! Wahoo! I got down to 12st 6, it was a very happy day for me, and it meant I managed to get back into my size 14 jeans, which was awesome! But I then piled on a few pounds again, then lost a few and then gained them back again. I am still in my size 14s buuuuut they are extremely snug again now so the 16s are more comfy again. Booo.

So what is going on? Well I can see why people like the 5:2 diet as it limits the amount of time you are actually on a diet. For me the weekends are the hardest times to stick to the WW plan. For the most part I have no problem with it as it is about everything in moderation, and even if I have a bad day and indulge in some chocolate, the weight has been coming off fairly steadily. But at the weekends it all goes to pot. Why? Because of socialising mainly. It has been a busy old year so far with take away evenings, meals out with friends and family, hen dos and meals round grandparent’s houses. I try really hard to check out nutritional info before I go and budget points…. but then I succumb, to peer pressure but mainly to temptation and my own lack of will power!

There is a bit of leniency in the diet, but lately I have been over indulging more and more. Part of the problem actually is that because I know there is a bit of leniency (and if I am a little naughty I should still lose weight – albeit a little more slowly), I take advantage of it. I push it too far. This last week has been especially poor and has very much stalled my efforts. We had a difficult week with a teething LM and as I may have mentioned before, I am a comfort eater, and so is hubs, so we both over-indulge when things are a bit tricky. On Saturday, for Valentine’s Day (we don’t normally celebrate it as we both feel there shouldn’t have to be a set day to do nice things for each other, but while things are a bit tough it was actually a nice excuse for us to make a little effort with each other!) we ordered a take out from one of our favourite restaurants, which was delicious and then on Sunday we went out for lunch with my brother and his wife. Lovely, but not good for the diet in the slightest!


Exercise really isn’t happening at the moment either. I bought a postnatal yoga DVD on recommendation and have watched it once. I want to do it but there is a bit of a sticking point for me at the moment. My knee. I think I mentioned that it was bugging me a few weeks ago and I assumed it was related to my back being a bit weak. I have been doing little exercises with my back and that is much better, but if anything my knee is a lot worse and is really quite painful.

I have had a couple of physio sessions for it which seem to help on the day but don’t reallyseem to help long term. I know I need to rest it but with crawling round after Monkey, on my knees changing nappies and being ordered to run around the garden, rest isn’t really happening. I have finally bought a decent knee support which definitely helps so hopefully that will help it get better. But at the moment exercise is a little off putting as I don’t want to make it any worse… though it may make it better.. I have no idea really.

After a very naughty weekend food wise I am ready to get back on the diet again which will hopefully help. Although another problem is that my best friend is getting married in a couple of weeks  and I am a bridesmaid. My dress is already feeling a little loose so I really can’t lose any more weight… but staying the same is a bit tricky… Oh I will probably carry on yo-yoing a little with my eating until the big day is over and then I can try and focus a bit more and hopefully finally lose the rest of this baby weight and get into my 14s for good!

Fingers crossed anyway!

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Postnatal Yoga and my Weight Loss so far

I am nearly one month in to my weight loss journey, and well it’s been a bit up and down to be honest!


I am following the idea of the original Weight Watchers plan. My MIL had all the books and paperwork which meant there was no cost involved, and I am not a huge one for joining groups. Hubs introduced me to WW when  I wanted to lose weight after Monkey and I found it worked really well for me.

I like to think of it as an everything in moderation diet because nothing is completely off-limits. You get a points allowance (much like the current WW system) and you work out how many points are in any food and then you can add up how much you are eating throughout the day to meet your allowance. Points come from calories (70 calories per point) and saturated fat (4g sat fat per point) and your personal points allowance is calculated using your current weight, height, activity level etc.  I am not sure how the current system works but I think it takes more nutritional values into consideration than just calories and sat fat.

The reason it worked for me so well the first time was because it really made me pay attention to what I was eating, and how many calories were in everything I ate. I could still eat anything I liked but when things have a points value associated with them, and you have daily total, I found that I would make healthier choices, eat foods with lower points, as it meant I could eat more throughout the day.

I did really well on it the first time round and had high hopes it would be pretty easy again but it has been a bit harder so far. I started off really well and according to the scales lost about 5lbs in the first week. then things  very much leveled off, even though I was still following the same plan. I have written before how I am not relying totally on the scales as I am not sure how accurate they are as a measure, and how for me, it is more about how I fit in certain items of clothing.

The trouble is though that it is easy to feel disheartened when the needle on the scales stops moving south. It is easy, when feeling disheartened, to go off the rails a little, and I have definitely done that a few times. I could make excuses, we still have a very small baby, I am still shattered after being up in the night with her and then looking after her and a toddler every day… and they are very true, but that is how I got overweight in the first place and not good enough reasons for going back to old habits.

The good news, I have lost weight. I can now do up my red shorts – I mean they are still ridiculously, uncomfortably tight but I can do them up, which I could not even nearly do 2 weeks ago. So regardless of what the scales say, I have lost inches and I need to focus on that.

.    red shorts 2    now

Not exactly a huge difference from 2 weeks ago but hey it is a start!


I have been walking more and I went to a postnatal yoga class last week which was really good. My back has been terrible over the last month or two, so when I saw the taster session for postnatal yoga I was immediately interested. The class was great, the instructor took things very slowly and said it was all about rebuilding the strength in our muscles. The exercises (mainly breathing exercises) were very simple but effective and I could feel them working.

The downside? Little Miss. The idea is that you take your baby to the class and they will either doze to the side or happily gurgle at you while you do the exercises and at times you can include  them in the class. Most of the other babies there did that, LM ooh no. She wanted feeding shortly after the class started – not easy to lie down doing back strengthening breathing exercises when feeding a baby! Then she needed burping, then she wasn’t happy on her back. Out of the hour long class I got to do about 10-15 mins of the exercises and was watching the rest of the time. Better than nothing and the one exercise I remember does help when I find the time to do it at home.

I would love to carry on the class but with LM having no routine at the moment I don’t feel like there is much point. I don’t want to pay for an hours session if I can’t actually do the exercises. I know she is only a few months old and a few  people have said I shouldn’t be impatient, it is just what a baby is like and I get it, but it is hard to carve out time for myself when every day is so totally different. I keep changing my mind whether to join up or not, and, well I shall keep you posted I guess. The other option is to get a dvd I can do at home but it is very difficult to know which one is good. Any recommendations for a gentle post-natal exercise dvd, please share it!

I need to concentrate on strengthening my back though as it has gotten worse this last week. For a few days my whole left side has been very painful, from my neck all the way down to my knee. My knee especially has been agony at times. Hubs has regular physio for his back and because I was so uncomfortable he looked after the kids for me on Friday afternoon and gave me his appointment. It definitely helped and is all just stemming from my issues with my lower back, so I really, really have to make time to work on it if I want things to improve. I shall keep you posted with how that is going!

I need my body to be strong again and carrying excess weight isn’t helping either so I am re-doubling my efforts to stick to the diet – and I need to ask hubs to stop tempting me with offers of my favourite naughty foods in the evenings. I actually crochet-ed some baby booties for LM recently and concentrating on something and keeping my hands busy definitely stopped me snacking so much, so I think I need to crochet some more things, if only for that reason lol!

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