Time for a big boy bed?

Posted by Caroline Elliott

We have been doing a lot of thinking lately about when the time is right to put Monkey in a big boy bed, how best to do it, and how will it go?

It’s difficult to know when is the right age to do this. He loves is cot and so we’d be happy keeping him in there longer, and he never tries to climb out of it. But he is very tall for his age, so his cot is starting to get a bit small for him and he bangs the sides all the time. Also, because we are thinking about baby no 2, we don’t want him to feel he is being pushed out of his cot to make way for the baby and so would rather he is well and truly happy in his bed before baby needs to use the cot. Seeing as I’m not even preggo yet I know we have a while, so we aren’t rushing into it, but it is on our minds a lot at the moment.

We started looking around at toddler beds and to start with we weren’t really sure which way to go, some have no side bits, some have short side bits near the head, while others have really tall sides until about 1/2 way along. So which one to go for? Like I say he bangs on the sides of his cot so does that mean he is likely to fall out of his bed to start with? Should we get one with a guard or just put something soft on the floor in case he falls out?

We decided the best thing was to physically go and see some beds so off we trotted to the shops to have a look and get a feel for them. It was good for Monkey too as he was climbing on one and we played getting in and out of the bed while we were there as we thought that may help him feel involved in the decision. There was a sale on and a further 15% off so we decided to go for it and got a lovely toddler bed, with a short side at the head, and mattress for £80 :).

There is still a lot we are unsure of though. He’s been in sleepy bags since he was tiny and any blanket that goes in with him gets snuggled with rather than used as a cover, so we are unsure how he will get on with a duvet. He’s never had a pillow either so I think we are going to go for the thinnest possible pillow, at least to start with! We are going to take him to have a look at bedding with us so he can help choose it. I understand that helps make the transition as it gets them excited about it?? I wonder whether it is worth making the change from sleep bag to duvet while still in his cot, so when he does go in his bed it isn’t such a big change? Plus the sleepy bags are almost too small for him now, even the biggest size. I just worry about him getting cold…

The main thing we are unsure of though is the when and how. Do we literally do a straight swap and take down his cot and build the new bed at the same time, with no crossover, or do we try and have both bed and cot in there for a day or two so he can get used to the idea of the bed? Would that ease the transition or make things worse? And when is best to start, at nap time or bedtime?

Are we just over-thinking all of this (it wouldn’t be the first time!) Should we just get over ourselves and do it? I always worry when it comes to changing Monkey’s routines but he usually surprises me by taking it all in his stride.

There are some other things to prepare too – we need to secure his furniture to the wall and make sure everything is safe in there – when he will be able to get out of bed on his own we need to make sure he can’t hurt himself in his bedroom when we are still asleep. We will have to actually close the stairgate at night too!

We are also preparing for the possibility of unhappiness as he loves his his cot and is so good at bedtime. He regularly takes us upstairs when he wants to go for a nap in the afternoon. Is he going to do the same with a bed? Because he can get out of it is he suddenly going to come into our bed at night of he wakes up?

I guess we are preparing for the worst, so hopefully it can only be better than we think! Ha ha maybe…

Will keep you updated on our progress 🙂

What age did your little one go into a bed? Did you do it in one go or have both bed and cot in there to start with? How did they get on with it?

Creativity is the Key – BASAHM Survival Kit

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Part four in my series – Becoming a Stay at Home Mum Survival Kit. This week the theme is Creativity – and no, I don’t mean the arts and crafts side of creativity. You don’t have to be a budding artist or writer to be a good mummy (though there are many that are). But sometimes a pinch of creativity can really help as a parent.

What do I mean? I am talking diversionary tactics! Who knew you had to be a military strategist as a parent?

Picture this. I’m out on a walk with Monkey and he gets it in his little head that he wants to go down a different path to the one that I am leading him. I start walking one way, he another. His feet are planted firmly on the ground and he is on the verge of a meltdown. For my part I am on the verge of exasperation – I know that path leads to Grandma’s house (and the promise of biscuits), which is why he wants to go that way. I try to cajole, to persuade and nothing, just lots of pointing and shaking of his head.

What to do? The battle is about to commence. There’s a famous quote from the Japanese Military Strategist Sun Tzu:

“For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.”

It’s time to get a bit creative. I look around and see a tree and I am off to hide behind it. Thankfully Monkey loves a bit of hide and seek and he soon is running to find me with a huge grin on his face, I jump out and raaa! Then I am on to the next tree, and so on, you get the idea. Wahoo! Victory without any blood (or tears) being shed!

There isn’t always a tree about which is why I have to be creative to find something to distract him. He really is a stubborn little soul though and some times are harder than others, the same thing doesn’t work every time. So as a mummy you have to think on your feet and be a bit creative. Sometimes I try and persuade him to chase his ball and give it a good kick, other times I tempt him to come with me with the promise of watching the cars and buses from the top of the pedestrian bridge near our house.

It doesn’t always work though, no matter how creative you try to be! The other day I tried to pretend that Postman Pat was eating and enjoying the dinner that Monkey had turned his nose up at… he laughed and thought it was funny but it certainly didn’t make him want to eat his dinner! Boo 🙁 haha ah well, you win some, you lose some!

A bit of creativity can help make your little one feel better when they are hurt or scared too. A friend’s little girl bumped herself coming down the slide and it must have hurt as she was really unhappy. Her clever mummy then announced that a fairy had come and given her some magic cream to make it feel better. She pretended to dab it on and her little girl instantly felt better. It’s amazing the power their imaginations have!

I also find you have to be quite creative when it comes to play ideas and keeping little ones entertained and to help develop those skills. The internet of course is a wonderful place to help find these activities as there are lots of mummies out there who are far more creative than I am! I have found all sorts of things that I would never have come up with on my own, such as Playing with Hair Rollers, Threading cheerios onto Spaghetti, and Ice Cube Painting to name a few!

Being creative can also help with the financial side of parenting, as raising kids can be really expensive! Whether it is using household objects as toys, rummaging in the sales, or bargain hunting on ebay or at car boot sales, using your imagination can help when things get a bit tight.

I have realised that there are so many times that a little bit of creativity can massively help as a parent. Creativity really can be the key to keeping your little ones (and you) happy 🙂

What Creative gems can you share? Any diversionary tactics that work with your little ones to avert disaster (or tantrums)? Any magic remedies to fix a boo boo?

If you liked this post, why not have a look at the other posts in the survival kit: Perspective, Confidence and Resilience

Happiness to me #spreadalittlehappiness

Posted by Caroline Elliott

What makes me happy? My little boy, growing up, makes me so happy and so proud.

We seem (fingers crossed, touch wood) to have turned a corner with food. He’s not eating pasta yet but he is being a bit more adventurous and is eating sweet potato and baked beans again, which he had been refusing. He also ate some yummy soup for the first time on Thursday. This makes me happy. He loves feeding himself with a spoon too, which makes both he and I happy! 🙂

He’s also been really brave and been trying new things. It may sound daft but for as long as I can remember he has hated being in a ball pool, but on Friday, he wanted to go in the ball pool and loved it! Made me so proud and happy.

In the same vein, he has never been a child to go in a ride-on car, or sit on/in anything you move with your feet, he always kicks his legs massively if you tried to put him in/on one, he just hates it. Not sure if he felt too confined or what. But this week, for the first time in a long time, he sat inside a car for ages and tried to figure out how to make it go. That made me really happy.

Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but watching him grow up is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever experienced. People always say that, but I didn’t feel it when he was younger, now though I am truly starting to appreciate how rewarding being a mummy can be.

What else makes me happy? Toddler giggles! It is just the best sound in the world to me!

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Monkey’s found his pockets, and learned blinking is fun! 20mths

Posted by Caroline Elliott

It’s the simple things isn’t it… We always fixate on little ones learning the big things, walking, talking etc. But there is so many little things they learn too.

This week, Monkey has discovered his coat pockets, which is just the cutest thing.

He’s also discovered that he can control his blinking, and he can squint his eyes, which he thinks his hilarious. As evidenced at breakfast this morning.

Don’t you just love seeing the world through a toddler’s eyes? Where even the smallest things, that we take for granted, are just amazing to them!

Different toys for girls and boys?

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Just some random musings from me about this really. I read a few weeks ago that Marks and Spencer are removing all gender specific labelling and packaging from their toys, so there won’t necessarily be a ‘pink’ section or a ‘blue’ section in their toy departments. The comments I read about this news story were so varied and it got me thinking as it is also quite relevant to Monkey at the moment.

Does it matter if some toys are marketed to boys and others to girls? Does that reinforce gender stereotypes or does it just show that most boys prefer some types of toys, and most girls like other types? On the one hand boys and girls are different so what’s wrong with boys being boys and girls being girls? But then they are also all individuals and everyone is different regardless of gender. Therefore some boys and some girls may be interested in the same things sometimes.

Even though we knew we were having a baby boy we didn’t go and get everything blue. His room is yellow and multicoloured and his baby clothes were similar, a real mixed bag. We try to have the attitude that there are no boy colours and there are no girl colours, there are just colours. Not everyone feels this way though, my mum and step-dad have semi-jokingly moaned in the past that Monkey has ‘girly’ stickers because there are some pink ones in the sticker book that say princess, as well as ones of digger trucks and dinosaurs. My response is that they are the cheapest stickers I have found (£1 for 2000) and neither Monkey or I care what colour they are. Besides, Pink wasn’t even thought of as a ‘girly’ colour until about the 1940’s!

Then a few days ago I was out with Monkey at a local shopping centre with our cheap basic buggy (which happens to be a bright purple colour). He was playing by a ride on bus and another little boy was hanging around and talking to him. As we were about to leave he says ‘is that a boy or a girl?’ pointing at Monkey. I just smiled and told him he is a boy and then he says ‘well I just wondered because that (pointing to the buggy) is purple.’ He looked so serious as if a BOY in a PURPLE buggy was the most stupid thing he’s ever heard. Made me chuckle but also shake my head slightly.

It’s not just the colours of toys/clothes etc. but the toys themselves. Why should some toys be designated as for boys while others for girls. Can a woman not work on construction? Or a man not work in a kitchen? Of course they can. We are now much more equal as adults but seem to reinforce the stereotypes when it comes to children for some reason. Why shouldn’t they be free to play with whatever toy interests them at that time without them being labelled as for girls or for boys. When hubby was little he had a ‘home corner’ and loved his toy kitchen and iron etc. and what is wrong with that?

Monkey does love a lot of his ‘boy’ toys, cars and trains are two of his favourites. Then on a play-date last week he was obsessed with my friend’s little girl’s dolls house. He played with it for ages! It reminded me of the news story about Marks and Spencer. It also reminded me that I had a doll’s house stored at my brother’s that our uncle made me when I was a little girl. I asked my brother to bring it round and Monkey loves it! It’s quite well worn and the door and a couple of windows are missing but Monkey has been finding it hilarious posting people through the windows and putting his Postman Pat and Mrs Goggins dolls in the beds and on the chairs. I guess you would categorise a doll’s house in the girl toys section but I don’t see any reason why boys can’t enjoy it too.

We’ve also been finding recently that rather than sit in his buggy, Monkey sometimes like to push it along (being a 3 wheeler one it then tends to bash into fences, bushes, people, etc. great fun…). So I decided to buy him a doll’s pushchair. Another traditionally ‘girly’ toy but again he loves it and is pushing his teddy round the house with glee. We also bought him a little tea set ages ago and he loves toy tea parties and pretending to pour the tea, stir the tea and drink the tea. It’s learning about life so why is that more for girls than for both?

It goes both ways and a lot of my friend’s little girls love cars and trains etc. so maybe I agree with toy packaging being less gender specific… though I’m not sure if that will suddenly stop people considering some toys as boys’ toys and others as girls’, but maybe it would be a step in the right direction?

What do you think? Should boys not play with girls toys and girls not play with boys toys? Or should they be free to play with whatever they enjoy most at that time?

Is it my fault?

Posted by Caroline Elliott

This post is inspired by ‘The Prompt,’ a fantastic idea by the lovely MumturnedMom. This week’s prompt is the following quote:

“Guilt to motherhood is likes Grapes to Wine”

This seems to describe my life quite well as we have a few worries with Monkey at the moment -Shyness, Fussy Eating and Lack of Speech. With each of these three things, I keep asking myself, is it my fault? Have I encouraged these behaviours? Am I not doing a good enough job? I feel guilty that potentially decisions I have made over the past 19/20 months have led to these attributes.

Is he shy because he is with me all the time? Would he be more social if he was at nursery? Or would that make the shyness worse? We go to toddler groups and on play-dates every week. He spends time with people other than me every day most weeks. We see both sets of Grandparents every week, he has 4 doting uncles who he sees regularly. We go to play-centres and baby cafes. He mixes regularly with children older than him, younger than him and the same age, and yet he is terrified of strangers, hates me to leave him, even for a second (though he is usually ok with daddy or grandparents) and even sometimes gets scared of other toddlers who he sees regularly. Is it just his nature or is he picking something up from me?

The fussy eating particularly does my head in. I worked so hard in the first year of his life to make sure he ate a huge variety of food and he loved most things! Not everything but nearly. Then 13 months came round and boom, no more pasta. No more broccoli, or really much fresh fruit or veg at all. The list goes on. I have read repeatedly that fussy eaters aren’t born, but that they are created by their parents. My question to this is, HOW? If it is my fault how did I do it? Where did I go wrong?? As the problem has got worse I know there has been times I have exacerbated it by being stressed and putting pressure on him. I know that and am trying very hard to remove those aspects from mealtimes in a bid to help this fussiness. But where did it come from in the first place? Where did I go wrong?

I also worry hugely about the lack of speech. I am terrified of the fact that he may not be speaking by his 2 year check and the judgement I will get from the Health Visitor. I have again read repeatedly that delayed speech is a sign of the parents not communicating enough, not helping them learn to speak. That toddlers who speak well at this age are a credit to their parents. So is it my fault that he doesn’t use words yet? We have read to him daily since he was a newborn. We sing constantly, make up the daftest rhymes for mundane daily tasks. Sing his favourites – ‘wind the bobbin’ and ‘Twinkle Twinkle’ millions of times as well as introducing him to many other rhymes. We talk all of the time! I was talking to my lovely neighbour a few days ago and she laughed and said that hubby and I are two of the chattiest people she knows, so it can’t be through lack of talking to him. Do we not give him a chance to speak? We listen, we encourage but we don’t want to pressure him either.

I know lots of kind people who have said they didn’t talk until they were three and there was no long term problems at all. Everyone seems to know someone who was a late speaker so why do I worry about it so much? He is getting closer, I know he is. There has been a few times recently where his babble has been a bit too close to a word to be coincidental. For example when Daddy said ‘in a minute,’ Monkey got cross and ran across the room shouting na naaaa, which could have been a ‘no now!’?? Am I just clutching at straws? I just worry that despite our best efforts that the delay is somehow our fault. That he watches too much telly. That I don’t talk to him enough maybe? Does he not talk because he already gets what he needs from us? He shakes his head, he points, he pulls us to where he wants us to go. He lets me know it is time for his nap by cuddling me and waving. By doing what he asks silently are we not encouraging him enough to use words instead? Oh who knows.

Guilt. My life as a mummy seems to be riddled with it.

On the reserve side he does so well with so many other aspects and yet I struggle to feel proud. I give him more credit than I give myself. It is so easy to feel guilty, but much more difficult to feel proud of myself. Proud of him, yes, but me? No.

He is such a good sleeper and has been ever since we did the cry and wait technique at 4 months old. Did we do that? Or did we just help him achieve it sooner? Would he have got there anyway? He is very coordinated. He walked early and now runs a lot. He kicks a ball really well and has a seriously strong throw. His fine motor controls are fantastic too and he threads spaghetti through his sand sieve with ease. He loves drawing and painting and is really good at it now. He feeds well from a spoon and has a good stab with his fork. He’s great at putting his coat on and his learning with his trousers and tops.

He understands sooo much. If I say “sit on the step so I can put your shoes on”, he trots off to the step and sits down. If I say “Shall we go upstairs to get dressed?” He takes my hand and takes me upstairs. He knows where his relatives live, if we walk past the path to Uncle Simon’s house he points and says ‘er er er’, the same goes to the paths leading to Grandma and Granddad’s house. He can point out the animals in his favourite books.

For the most part he is such a wonderful, happy little monkey that I push all of this guilt and worry to the side and enjoy the time I have with him. I tell myself that he will learn to speak when he is ready. That the fussy eating and shyness are just phases he is going through. That I am doing my best. But I never quite manage to convince myself.

I’m sure that these worries will pass and be replaced by others but Guilt, I think, is to be a lifelong companion. That, and Wine 🙂

A Magic Moment with Monkey

Posted by Caroline Elliott

After a lovely Christmas we unfortunately had a poorly New Years. I came down with a head cold with nasty sinus pain and sadly hubby and Monkey followed suit so it wasn’t the happiest couple of days! However, thank goodness for Calpol, Lemsips and Sudafed (not all together!) we had some happy times too. Hubby managed to catch this lovely happy moment between Monkey and I on New Year’s Eve that I thought I would share.

Granny bought him a book that both hubby and I remember from our childhood’s as being the ‘where’s ducky?’ book and it is as lovely as we remember it. It is also great for encouraging Monkey to speak and it’s lovely sitting together pointing at things and labelling them by saying the words.

As you can see we were having lovely Monkey and Mummy time, which is rarely caught on camera.

Starting to worry about the lack of speech…

Posted by Caroline Elliott

I mentioned a couple of months ago that Monkey hadn’t started speaking yet, and unfortunately the same is still true. He’s not silent by any means, in fact he spends most of the day chatting, it’s just that there is no discernible words yet, and most of it is just ga ga ga, though there all sorts of other sounds too. On one hand I am not too worried as he understands a lot of what we said. He will go and pick things up when we ask him too, he knows to sit down, and understands all sorts of things… but we just aren’t any nearer talking. No that’s not fair, he is speaking more than he was a couple of weeks ago, but I just wish there was at least one word. He doesn’t even say Mummy or Daddy, though he can definitely point to each of us.

I try really hard not to worry but I just can’t help wondering if there is something else I should have been doing with him to encourage him. From day one we have been talking about everything and narrating things we do. We sing a lot and he can do hand movements to some of his favourites songs. We’ve also been reading books with him since he was very small and he just loves being read to and flicking through the books himself. We label things as we point them out and have started asking him if he can say simple words, like cat and ball etc. But so far, nooothing.

I wonder if I haven’t done enough, do I not give him enough attention? Do we watch too much TV? Has that slowed his development? Do we talk too much so he can’t get a word in edgeways?

Like I say I try not to worry, I have researched into it a lot and read lots of things telling me that it isn’t abnormal. He’s very big and as he started walking earlier has been a little advanced for his age, and I read somewhere that if they are more physically advanced, sometimes speech can take a back step and be a little slower to come. I have spoken to so many people who say their child/sibling/friend/nephew was a late talker and then one day they just started speaking and never looked back. There’s lots of people and things telling me it is too early to worry but I can’t help it.

I think that maybe worrying is just part and parcel with motherhood. I know he’ll get there when he’s ready and the last thing I want to do is put pressure on him and make him retreat further. I just hope I haven’t done something wrong and slowed his development down. It’s a lot of responsibility!

Does anyone have any words of comfort? Any late speakers who are now, oh I don’t know, brain surgeons. or astro physicists? (haha) Any advice welcome too, how did you encourage your little ones to say words?

Stacking bricks and shape sorting, but still no talking – 16 months

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Kids develop at their own pace, we all know that, but as a parent you are still looking out for those milestones and wondering when certain things will happen. It starts with the first smile, then the giggle, rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking and talking. I think that covers most of the biggies, but there are smaller steps too with their coordination and motor movements, waving, clapping, stacking bricks etc.

Monkey was quite early with some things, as he was walking at 10 months. But talking, he is definitely not early with. My friend’s little boy was talking at 10 months but at the moment, at 16 months old, we have not even had a mama or dada yet. I mean he does say them, but he doesn’t seem to connect them with us in any way. My mother in law is convinced he says “all gone” but he makes loads of noises and yes, sometimes it is possible that they coincide with something happening that matches up…. but for every one of these times, there are hundreds more times where the same noise relates to absolutely nothing.

I try not to worry about it, because kids do develop at different times, but I can’t help keep all of the niggles at bay. I’m not worried about his hearing or his understanding as he definitely understands a lot of what we say. He can respond to simple instructions – such as ” where’s you ball? Go get your ball.” or “can you bring mummy the blue block” sometimes it takes a few goes but he definitely understands a lot of what we say. We try and encourage him to talk by labelling things and talking through what we are doing, and he does watch us intently sometimes and occasionally makes the sound of the first consonant but that is it. We don’t want to put too much pressure on as he is still young and I know he’ll get there when he is ready. Another friend’s nephew wasn’t talking until he was around 2 so I know we aren’t alone.

Sometimes though, it would just make life so much easier if he could talk. The other day he was screaming for ages and I had no idea why. It was really out of character for him and I was trying to ask him what hurt but nothing. Very frustrating! On the other hand though, he is so cute with all of the noises he makes that part of me doesn’t want it to change, as it means he is growing up. He does have other ways of communicating things with us even though he isn’t talking. He takes our hands and pulls us around places. He takes us to the kitchen or the table if he is hungry, he brings us our shoes if he wants to go out. He’ll get his postman pat toy out when he wants to watch the telly. He knows out to communicate with us, but just not with words. On the other hand he tries really hard and babbles away to us with such concentration on his face, usually something like ga gu go ga gu, and I feel bad that I have no idea what he wants to say!

He is developing really well in other areas though. He built a brick tower with 5 bricks yesterday, which I was really impressed with as normally he is clumsy and knocks the towers over at around 3 or 4 bricks. He has also suddenly got so much better with his shape sorter toy now. Whereas for ages we have been giving him the right hole for each block, he can now find the right hole to put them in, which I was pretty amazed by! He doesn’t get it right 100% of the time of course but he does get it right more often than not which I am really impressed with.

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I’m sure that one day he will just come out with a word, and then there will be no stopping home. I’m sure that one day I will be reminiscing about these cute pre talking times but right now I can’t wait to hear his little voice say something, and for him to be able to talk to me.

Cardboard box playtime and a slightly more independent Monkey – 16 months

Posted by Caroline Elliott

Another bit of inspiration from Pinterest today, although randomly I can’t find the page I found it from! Anyway, as I may have mentioned, Monkey loves colouring at the moment, so this week, when I got a new hoover (which, by the way, is brilliant) I thought we should put the box to good use.

The idea is simple – let them draw in the cardboard box. What happens is hilarious and keeps him entertained for ages!

We also then had great fun by opening up the box so he could use it as a tunnel, hilarious! Especially as it isn’t that big, and definitely not sturdy so it kept collapsing on him, which he actually quite enjoyed. Anyway lots of fun with this activity.

I mentioned before that Monkey has a slightly longer attention span now, and, well he is also getting a bit more independent! Which I love! Yesterday afternoon I was able to sit in the conservatory and write the baking blog, while he played around in the garden with his chalk and the dirt, and he popped in now and again to play with his box and a sheet that he draws on, then went out again. We played peepo behind my laptop screen a few times and generally he was just totally fine!

Then even better than that, the other day we were playing together in the conservatory when I realised I needed to go and make dinner. So I told him I was going to make dinner, that he should stay here and I would be right back. I have tried this soooo many times and normally he just makes his “I’m not happy about this” noise and runs after me. But this time, he stood up, looked at me and then waved! I went off and popped back and he was so happy. I did it a few times, popped in and out to check on him and it was just no problem at all! Brilliant!

Lovely boy, playing all by himself 🙂

It is good timing as Monday I start Jury duty… I just hope that doesn’t set him back as we have come so far and he is much less clingy now… anyway more on that in another post!