My word of the week this week, is Sunny.
Firstly in the literal sense because the last few days have been gloriously sunny. The end of last week was wet and miserable and I was so fed up of the cold but the last couple of days have been the absolute opposite. We had a lovely day today at our local country park enjoying the sunshine with some friends and it was lovely relaxing in the sun – well relaxing as much as you ever can with an almost 3 yr old and a 5mth old!
It’s 2 weeks since I started my renewed efforts to take a bit better care of myself and to lose some of the excess baggage I am carrying around, and for the most part it is going quite well.
This was originally going to be an entirely happy post celebrating some of LM’s lovely firsts this week… and I am going to include those but I can’t not mention another first which is less happy.
LM had her first trip to A&E :(. She has had a horrible cold all week and Saturday afternoon she seemed to get worse and was not feeding well at all. Sunday morning her breathing was a little laboured and we noticed a distinct wheeze. She was also hardly eating at all, barely drinking 40ml (about 1 oz) of her milk compared to the 140 ish she usually has in the morning. Being the bank holiday weekend we didn’t want to wait until Tuesday so called the out of ours GP service who wanted to see her because of her age and let’s face it, you don’t mess around with breathing! We wondered if it was a chest infection and assumed we may be home with antibiotics or something.
So our house is full of illness again. Honestly this year has been a year of bugs and to tell you the truth I am fed of talking about it. So I am not going to write about the horrendous cough that Monkey had and now poor LM has, or how I had to doze in a chair all night last night so she could sleep upright and stop coughing so hard she was sick every time she tried to go to sleep… no I am not writing about that. Instead I am looking outside and writing about the lovely spring colours in our garden. In the hopes that spring will bring less bugs… eventually!
What a difference a year makes. This time last year we were very much in the throes of Operation Garden Renovation and our garden was basically a mud pit at this point I think! It has since been well and truly transformed but is still very much a work in process. (Excuse the toddler toys but hey, it’s his garden as much as ours :))
It’s Me and Mine time – time to capture some photos of us as a family to store for posterity. I only joined this linky In January and had to miss February! With all of the illness in our house we just didn’t get any photos of us as a family. This month however we managed to get some lovely shots.
On Mother’s Day, with some family round, I gathered the four of us onto our little blue snuggle sofa and tried to get a shot of us all smiling 🙂
Last weekend we had a visit from some very lovely friends of ours who live in South London. We last saw them way back in July last year when their newest little one was just 6-7 weeks old so it was lovely to see them now, to catch up with how everything is and see how much both of their girls have grown. Plus of course we have a new arrival of our own that they were keen to meet.
Their little E is still as lovely and chilled as she was when she was younger and she is so cute and diddy. Her and LM are almost the same size – though of course being 5 months older little E is way ahead developmentally. She’s such a happy girl constantly smiling and so content sitting playing with toys and it was lovely to see.
Monkey loved seeing their oldest, S, again too. He had been a bit poorly and grumpy over the weekend so we weren’t entirely sure how it would go but they arrived and he was so so happy at having a little friend to play with that he seemed to completely forget his grumpiness! S is such a cutie, just a little bit older than Monkey and they are so similar in so many ways. She was great following him around to see what he was up to and he did really well with sharing his toys and playing with her as well as alongside her.
What was really nice was that they were able to stay for a while, often when we see them it is a bit of a flying visit so it was nice to be able to spend some time together to chat about life with another baby and all the challenges and happiness that brings! There was a really great moment while us Mums were with the babies and having a natter. One Daddy was dozing in the garden and we thought the other was playing play-doh with the older kiddies. In reality this was happening.
The kids were playing together so well that Hubs had decided to have a rest too hehe. Who can blame him eh? Late in the afternoon we went for a walk so that the youngest 2 could get a nice nap while we all had some fun. It was just lovely and Monkey and S were running around having so much fun together, it really was adorable.
They even got an ice cream on the way home, lucky kiddies :). They stayed for tea then it was time for them to head home. I’ve said before how much I value their friendship and I really, really look forward to seeing the kids grow and play together over the years to come :).
At the beginning of the year I wrote about how it was time to make time for me. To take a bit better care of myself, to lose weight and basically find some me time. We are now nearly a quarter way through the year (bonkers eh?) and it is safe to say that is not happening at the moment. With Monkey and mostly baby LM, I am continually pushing myelf to the bottom of the priority list.
The diet has stopped as I have been too tired, too poorly, too busy, etc. etc. I don’t like the way I look in most of my clothes as I am larger than I want to be and I don’t want to buy new clothes because the truth is I won’t be happy whatever clothes I am in as I know I am bigger than I want to be. I am lazy and I am making excuses not to look after myself. I only wash my hair a couple of times a week and because I can’t always be bothered to detangle the frizz it very often gets scraped into a bun and stays that way until I next decide it looks too greasy to be acceptable. Some days I don’t even straighten my fringe as if I know I am not going anywhere then who cares whether my fringe is all kinky and sticking out. Well, I should, I think.
It’s not just me, hubs is the same. He let his hair and beard get so long he was looking a bit scruffy (sorry hubs but you know you were) and he hasn’t been to the gym or cycled to work in ages. We put the kids needs above our own (of course) and in our free time prioritise jobs around the house (and I do prioritise the blog too) over taking time out for ourselves and making even a little bit of effort over how we look and feel.
We convince each other that it is ok too, we buy crisps and chocolate and bad things and tell each other we deserve it, that it’s temporary because we are going through a hard time. That it doesn’t matter. But the truth is, it does matter. We matter. Making time to feel good about ourselves does matter! I am feeling so low so much of the time and I think it’s all a symptom of the same thing. Yes babies are hard work and yes I am tired all of the time but I am dragging myself down instead of lifting myself up. If that makes any sense?
So, together, hubs and I are refocusing on the diet. He doesn’t need to lose as much weight as I do but some of his clothes are getting tight and it’s more about our frame of mind and we need to support each other through this. We need to encourage each other to look after ourselves. We usually take it in turns to do the 530am start with LM (yawn) but at the weekend we got up together so that hubs could cut his hair and beard before Monkey got up and the day fully started.
On Monday we started counting our WW points again. Just to remind ourselves what we are putting in to our bodies and also, hopefully, to lose some weight. There are no excuses this time. I have had a couple of difficult days this week where LM’s screaming has dragged me down and I have been a mess at times. But I haven’t given in. I am a huge comfort eater but I need to remember that it doesn’t solve anything and while it may make me feel better in the uber short term, longer term it does not help because I don’t like the way I look or feel.
I will never be skinny but I want to be me-sized rather than big for me-sized. I don’t want to feel so wobbly and squeezed into clothes and I don’t want to buy bigger clothes as they will just be masking the wobbles and I know I still won’t be happy.
We have a goal in mind too. It is my birthday at the end of April and at the beginning of May we have arranged a babysitter (thanks Mum) so that hubs and I can go out together with a group of our friends. It will be the first time since the wedding in August, I think, that we have had time out of the house as a couple without the kids and will do us both some good to be out with friends and out with each other. So the goal is that by then we are looking and feeling better about ourselves.
LM getting into a routine would undoubtedly make this task a lot easier, but (while I am still going to keep trying to get her into one) I am not going to use her lack of a routine as an excuse for eating rubbish and looking and feeling rubbish anymore. No more excuses.
Starting weight is 13st and I am aiming for 11 1/2 st, but as I have said before it is more about how my clothes fit than what the scales say.
Wish me luck!
At the moment I feeling like my life is like Groundhog Day. I am living the same thing over and over and over every day. Does anyone else ever feel like that? Please be warned that this is quite a moany and definitely rambling post so be warned and feel free to stop reading at any time!
Monkey’s chatter at the moment, is very cute and lovely… but it is also incessant. He just never stops and just jabbers away constantly. When he was younger and was a bit delayed in his speech people used to say to me that there would come a time when I wished he was quiet. Oh how right they were!
It doesn’t help that LM stresses me out a lot at the moment with her teething and lack of sleeping. When she is screaming, moaning or unhappy my tolerance levels for any noise reach zero and I can’t even have a conversation with hubs while she is crying without getting stressed. Monkey’s chattering at these times drives me completely potty and I do sometimes tell him to just be quiet. I feel like an awful parent but my brain just can’t take it! He generally doesn’t listen to me anyway and carries on jabbering away. Occasionally there is a couple of seconds pause, or he whisper shouts instead of normal shouting but mostly he just carries on at normal or shouts even louder to spite me!
He is also massively contrary at the moment. It is worse when he is tired or not feeling himself (we still seem to have a cold continually in our house with at least one of us snotty and grouchy at all times!) when it reaches extreme proportions but he is contrary a lot of the rest of the time too. Reverse psychology is in constant use and even that backfires a lot. Here is an example of a conversation this morning. Me in purple, Monkey in blue
Eat your breakfast please. It’s not breakfast, it’s dinner. (Sigh) Fine, then eat your dinner please. It’s not dinner it’s breakfast. Fine. Just eat it. I don’t want to. Ok then shall Mummy eat it? No I wanted it!
If only that one conversation actually meant that he then ate his breakfast without further chatter and debate! It’s not only food over. We have the same conversations over TV, clothes, activities. Even when he was helping Daddy make biscuits at the weekend ( an activity he loves) he was deliberately arguing against every suggestion Daddy made. Would you like to roll the dough? No I don’t want to. Right I’ll do it then. No I wanted it! …Oh I don’t want to! I have to admit it was a little gratifying when Daddy got stressed out by this as it made me feel like less of a terrible impatient Mother when I get annoyed by it on a daily basis!
It’s not just Monkey related though. The laundry is doing my head in at the moment. The step up from 3 of us to 4 of us seems to have trebled our washing (I think Muslins take up a huge proportion of that) and it just feels relentless and never ending. No matter how much laundry I seem to do the washing baskets seem to be constantly full! It doesn’t help that LM refuses to sleep when the washing machine is on so it has to be timed to be on when she is awake, and we daren’t put it on at night at risk of it disturbing her. Our sleep is too precious! Then there is the tumble dryer which again is on all the time – a constant ( well I was going to say hum but it is a lot louder than that) rumble(?) in the background which also drives me crazy.
I went on a bit of a subconscious laundry strike last week. I just couldn’t face it and ignored it (which is very unlike me) and well that certainly backfired as of course the piles reached epic proportions! Hubs said later in the week he wished I had said something to him as he could have tried to do it instead, but with it being a subconscious strike, in that I didn’t consciously decide to stop…. I just didn’t do it for a few days.. I hadn’t thought to mention it. Plus mentioning it would have meant actually admitting to myself that I was doing it and would have forced me to stop being so daft and just do some blimming laundry.
Then there’s the constant amount of crumbs on the floor and the never ending hoovering and sweeping that needs doing. (Even seconds after hoovering every inch of the downstairs I see a new crumb or get one stuck to my foot. I swear they reproduce or grow out of thin air!) And the washing up, and cleaning the table, and cleaning bathrooms and windows. Plus of course the formula preparation and the cleaning and sterilising and all of that rigmarole that needs doing every day. Loading and unloading the dishwasher… the list of housework goes on.
Oh and all the nappy changes…. I really wish Monkey was ready for being potty trained. Not that I am looking forward to actually doing the training, I am very much looking forward to him using the toilet rather than needing changes. Changing two of them all day every day makes it feel never ending . He is nearly ready I think and we are laying a lot of the groundwork, but I really don’t want to rush him as I know from friend’s experiences that that only ever makes things harder. In the meantime, all the hand washing and hand sanitiser from the constant nappy changing are making my hands so dry and horrible. I now wear rubber gloves for washing up and leaning, but they aren’t really so good for bottom wiping or bathy time!
My Mother in law said something the other week (about a totally different subject) that really stuck with me. If you can’t change your situation then you have to change your attitude about it. I can’t stop the amount of laundry that needs doing, or stop Monkey being contrary (hopefully he will grow out of that one day) and we have a while to go with nappies as LM is only 5 mths old. So I need to try and change my attitude. As ever with this kind of thing that is a heck of a lot easier said than done but I need to try as I am a bit of a misery guts at the moment.
A lot of it is down to LM’s randomness and continuing lack of routine (despite our best efforts we still have a mix of good days and bad) which makes me grumpy and I haven’t worked out how to manage my time best, when I don’t know what time I am going to have. I am trying to accept that she doesn’t have a routine and not expect to get things done, as that stresses me out when I don’t achieve things. But then I am still getting stressed because I never achieve anything and can’t even plan how to achieve the things I want to because of our lack in routine! It’s a bit of a vicious cycle.
I keep trying to remember how lucky we are, both kids sleep from 7pm at night and she goes through til 530am which is early but not terrible. Monkey sleeps til nearer 7 and he still naps a few days a week, for a good 3 hours at a time so I know how lucky I am with that. I also know that all of this is only temporary but I don’t like feeling like I am wishing away this time. I also realise that as an SAHM at least I don’t have to worry about all of this as well as being at work… but I also get no break from the monotony.
I made a choice to become a SAHM and I don’t regret it as I have loved watching Monkey grow and learn, and I know I will love doing the same with LM too. But it isn’t always easy and I guess that’s my point.. if I have one at all! I told you it was a rambly post! IBut I do feel better for having a bit of a vent so if you have made it this far, thank you for reading :).
I wasn’t sure if I was going to write a word of the week this week as it has been a bit of a mixed bag. Some parts of the week have been absolutely lovely, others really hard with LM and honestly I am a bit fed up about banging on about the difficult days, so I wasn’t sure what word I would use.
Then I woke this morning to a pingback, a little email telling me I had been included in a Tots100 article – a real first for me – titled Five blogs for Parenting Advice. To be included amongst such awesome company as the other bloggers felt pretty incredible. But what really, sincerely touched me, was what the author said about my blog, and one of my posts in particular. She said that it had genuinely helped her and her little one. This meant so so much to me.
I blog primarily for my own sanity. It is a way to keep my brain working and exercised while I am surrounded by nappies and crumbs and toys every day of my life. It also serves as a lovely record of our family journey which I hope I will treasure in the years to come. I also blog in the hope that something I say may be able to help someone else. I am no saint and I know it sounds cliche saying I want to help people, but becoming a Mum is the hardest thing I have ever done and it is challenging and lonely at times. If by sharing my experiences I can help another Mum feel, even for 30 seconds, that they are not alone, then I am ecstatic. Or if I can share a technique that actually helps them get some more sleep or avoid a mealtime battle, then I am thrilled. It makes me feel that my blog has a purpose.
I have noticed this week that the ramp up to the Bibs has started with lots of posts about why people hope to be nominated. Of course I would be lying if I said I didn’t hope for a nomination, who wouldn’t want that recognition? But there is so much talent out there in the blogging community that I am pretty realistic about my chances of winning. I thought about writing a post showcasing some of my favourite blogs to vote for rather than asking for votes for myself, but I don’t even know which blogs to choose and nominate for my own vote as there are so many amazing bloggers that it feels unfair to choose some over others. I may yet try as I would love to see some of my favourite bloggers up there getting awards or at the very least receiving a nomination.
I guess that what I am trying to say is that while winning an award for my blog would be amazing for me, being included in this article felt a little like winning an award. Someone out there felt that what I had written was worthy of comment. Someone out there felt that my blog genuinely helped them through a tricky time. I couldn’t ask for more.
So regardless of awards I will continue blogging. I will carry on sharing my experiences, good and bad, and the things that have, and haven’t worked for us. In the hope that I can help a few other Mummies through this amazing yet challenging experience.
Last Friday at playgroup Monkey did some Red Nose Day activities. He decorated some lovely biscuits (which sadly I didn’t get a photo of as he scoffed them almost as soon as he got home and I didn’t think to take a piccy) and made a funny face plate which he loves.
It was our first foray into the mixture of charity and childcare/school. I don’t think they asked for any donations for Comic Relief (hubs took him and collected him so am not 100% sure) and I’m not sure if they explained to the kids what it was all in aid of, I am sure the toddlers just thought it was another fun activity. They were asked to make Mother’s Day cards and Red Nose Day Biscuits. It probably all just felt the same to them.
It got me thinking though in a way I never have before, about the way certain charities have become so connected to schools and childcare. It was the same when I was a kid. We had a mufti day for Children in Need (where you wear your normal clothes) and there was always fancy dress and activites for Comic Relief. I’m sure there were others but they were the biggest ones. As a kid you don’t really think about it and I guess now I am a parent I realised something that I hadn’t thought of before. Which is that, as a parent, you suddenly have very little control over whether you give to these charities.
Now, I am not saying by any means that you shouldn’t give to these charities, or that they are undeserving in anyway, or that this should stop, but I guess, as a bit of a control freak I always hate when decisions or choice is taken away from me. Of course you do have a choice but I also don’t want to be the parent that makes my child the odd one out who isn’t wearing special clothes or who isn’t participating in something, so it does feel like we are a little forced into it. I know we aren’t generally talking about a lot of money here but it does all add up and I guess it is about the principle of it.
There are so many causes and charities out thereyou could choose to give to. The British Heart Foundation, Cancer Research, Sue Ryder, Oxfam to name but a few. What if you would prefer to give to those charities? What if you already do give to those charities? Most of us don’t have the luxury to be able to afford to give to every charity so what if you would prefer to give to a different charity, but don’t because you already feel that you have to donate to charities connected with schools and that almost target your children?
I personally don’t like sponsored activities, I hate asking people for money and I feel that there are so many things now that you can almost be sponsoring someone to do something every day of the week. (That’s not to say I don’t sponsor people, I do, I just don’t like asking other people to sponsor me.) But I do give to charity and have given to Cancer Research monthly for a long time. I donate things to charity shops and buy things from chairty shops. As Monkey grows older I will no doubt be donating to the various charities on his behalf that are connected with fun days and bake days and sponsored events.
Because actually I think it is a good lesson for kids. To understand the idea of giving. of doing something on somebody else’s behalf. To understand that there are many people who are less fortunate than we are and that if we can help them in some then we should. Much as I don’t like sponsored activities on a personal level I know they work and are a good way of fundraising so again I am not saying we should stop any of it.
I guess I just don’t like the fact that I don’t have a choice in where that money goes. Do you ever feel like this? Maybe it is just because we haven’t had to experience it before!
